Mothers of straight young men 25-35YO - what are your boys up to?

[SleepRelay]

Asking for DD (26) and at least 3 of her girlfriends… All good, beautiful, smart, professional young women with family values, none can find love. Men spend a few weeks wooing them, get what they were after and ghost them immediately or come up with some story why it would not work. One is still a virgin as she has seen enough of that and does not to “waste” it. Occasionally, they meet men through work or social contacts, but mostly on dating apps.

She came home last night and started a serious conversation about freezing her eggs.

So, my question is where are the decent, working, respectful young men? They are not in gyms, mine is full of much older or much younger. What are your boys saying about dating scene? Are they on apps? Sorry about the rambling, I just would like to know what it’s like on the other side.

My oldest works from home so he doesn’t meet women at work, but he is sociable and always dating. He has a large male friendship group, some of whom he has known since school. He usually meets women via the group’s wider social circle, or he has been known to ask for the number of girls he has seen at the supermarket, or park! He is looking to settle down but is still finding the right person.

My younger is more introverted, with a mature outlook. Works in a male dominated profession so doesn’t meet women at work. Doesn’t do hobbies that appeal to women and doesn’t seem as interested in dating. Girls find him attractive but he’s really focused on his career and getting on the housing ladder. I worry a little about him.

My DS is delightful: kind, solvent, hard working and not bad looking. But a casual hook up ended very badly, several years ago, and he has refused to have anything to do with young women that he hasn't known since school/for a decade/ever since. I really worry that he will never trust a woman ever again. I know we are all concerned about female victims, but a man's reputation can be traduced too.

I’m 36, 37 in a weeks time. I’m single, always have been (although I’m a mother to twins, through a solo mother journey)
I have noticed there seems to be this carousel to finding partnerships. It’s like it comes around once, in your early to mid 20s and if you miss your opportunity to get on, you have to wait for it to come back around again.
My friends (male and female) are all married, all of them are parents. Most of them have been like that since mid-20s. But now that we’re all pushing 40, they’re hitting marital issues and there’s a lot of divorces happening around me. I’ve noticed the pattern. Not sure if it’s because at this age they’ve just got fed up with doing a decade and don’t want to do another one, or if it’s merely coincidence. But either way, the dating pool has opened up again. Only now, everyone in this age bracket is a divorcée, which means they’re more reserved and closed off for anything too serious (not interested in marriage or any more kids)
So, in a nutshell, it’s like there’s this 10 year span (late 20s to late 30s) where it’s hard to find genuine men who are still single and ready to commit, most of the men are either married by then and looking for an affair or single but married to their job. Then it comes about again later on, but people then come with baggage and the history of a previous life.

Of course this isn’t an absolute truth for all, but it’s a very common generalisation, which I’ve noticed.

Mine are 23 & 25 both have girlfriends who they both met through work.

And my point was the slew of press articles, politicians and policy makers, and medicos, all talking about women delaying having children - with the very clear subtext that these women were thoughtless or selfish or materialistic or career driven harpies.

That discourse still goes on 30 years later. Apparently educated and professional women are to blame for our dangerously low birth rates.

The decisions of men to delay having children are rarely, if ever, mentioned.

My DS is 26, self employed tradesman, high earning, lives at home, an introvert, no GFs, he is straight , happy working and running. So he’ll not be available any time soon.🙂

Maybe if he wasn’t so shallow, and boring to boot he would be able to find someone. But he’s too busy exploiting the housing crisis for his own greed, and no doubt doesn’t drink (let alone anything else) which rules outs huge number of interesting people and frankly more fulfilling relationships. Lol

🙄

My partner is 27 and there are eleven lads in his friend group. All of them, bar one, live with their girlfriends. A couple are engaged. The one single guy barely comes out and spends all guys time gaming and smoking weed.

Out of the eight men in my social group (I’ma bit older, my male friends are 32-37) every single one is married.

My son has a couple of degrees, works for one of the two leading universities and lives happily with his girlfriend. He enjoys cooking, a bit of DJing and this weekend has been climbing mountains in the Lakes.

You may react like that, but he’s the one wondering why he can’t get anyone. Whilst having money to spend is extremely important, he comes across as the type who obsessively hoards wealth whilst probably going 50-50 on bills, and has never bought anyone a drink. Probably has a spreadsheet and goes on about how great it is to drive a 2007 Honda Civic or Toyota Corolla whilst laughing at people who buy new cars on finance saying they should invest the difference

Also, how many deep meaningful connections are established on Saturday morning at football or at the gym, compared to in a wine bar or at 3am at a rave. He needs to work on having less boring hobbies if he wants to have a decent connection with someone who’s half fun and cool

I've 3 boys late 20s,one is now married but they all want genuine long term relationships I just think everyone women included generally play around until they find the one. My boys comment on women cheating and being unreliable I believe it's 50/50

Love this post.

What a strange post.
A young man who's made something of himself, is mature with a great sense of humour would make someone a lovely partner. Any girl looking for someone who goes to raves in his late 20s is probably not looking for husband material.

People look for partners who have similar interests and outlooks on life.

My sons are both a bit geeky, into science and sport and the women they live with are similar in that they are very sporty, well educated in professional careers.

Can younger people actually afford (financially) commitment these days.
Yes if they don't live in the south east.
Both of my sons bought houses in their 20s. One on his own at 24 the other with partner at 27. Modest houses but it's a start.

My ds would love to meet someone but I think just doesn’t know how to get past that friendship stage. He’s in his mid twenties.

There seems to be two groups of men out there, from what I’ve observed from my dc’s friendship groups. The first group always have a gf, and if they split up from one, are with someone else fairly quickly. The second lot seem to be petmently single, who although they’re decent young men, work hard, have hobbies etc, just can’t seem to get over that first hurdle.

Probably has a spreadsheet and goes on about how great it is to drive a 2007 Honda Civic or Toyota Corolla whilst laughing at people who buy new cars on finance saying they should invest the difference

What the actual hell are you on about? You're just making stuff up about someone you don't know 😂

The straight men I know in that age category are typically married to/ living with women they met in their late teens/ early twenties. At the younger end (25-30), a few are single. They're working, playing sport, probably on apps though I've never asked, and are nice, kind, good looking etc etc. Likely would use apps for casual relationships, but Def also would fall hard in love with the right young woman!

Mine lives with his long term girlfriend and they have recently become parents. After being made redundant and trying everything to get a job, he's now working again. I wish financially things were easier for them so that they could buy their own place.

There were times when he was growing up that I feared he'd get stuck on the wrong path but he's turned into a lovely young man.

Do you not think that at 26, in the prime of young manhood, that he should be living on his own, spending some of his high earnings on activities, socialising etc and meeting women who could be a potential girlfriend? Rather than living a seemingly quite restrictive life of working and running, still living with his mum.

@ExOptimist That’s not for everyone, he’s autistic very intelligent, well respected in his work, happy in his life, his sisters adore him, a social life isn’t for everyone. Also, at 26 he has plenty of time to do as he pleases.

My husband is in the age range you describe, his mates are coupled up mostly and the odd single one has problems

My eldest is 31. He is living with his fiancée and their two children. They met online 7 years ago. All of their friends who are around the same age, are also in committed relationships, most with children.
My youngest is 28 and has been in a relationship for 2 years although they don’t live together yet. They are planning to later this year. They also met online.

My 2 nephews, both in their very early 20s, spend all their time gaming and seem barely to leave the house. Neither have ever been in a relationship.

Would it not broaden his life to live on his own? Don't you want him to be independent? Do you want him to find a girlfriend? Presumably you don't think he should still be living with you at 30 or 36 or 46? If he's working at a skilled job I assume he's a high functioning autistic person.
The years fly past and sometimes, as parents, we have to give children the nudge/kick they need to leave the nest and strike out on their own.

At 26 my son had been living independently since 19 when he went to university, was living with his girlfriend( now wife) and had just bought a flat.

Reading the responses here, it really does seem that if a young man is a gamer, he spends a lot of time alone doing it and in most cases doesn't have relationships with women, even if he would like to.

Do the important people in his life, parents, siblings etc, tell him straight that he needs to get out of his room, off his computer and actually go out if he wants to have a relationship? Because someone obsessed with gaming in his room is never going to be attractive to anyone.

Reading thought these posts there seems to be an awful lot of coupling up at University.

Is this the new safe route to a relationship and marriage.? Not exactly playing the field or exploring life.Is it?