Mothers of straight young men 25-35YO - what are your boys up to?

[SleepRelay]

Asking for DD (26) and at least 3 of her girlfriends… All good, beautiful, smart, professional young women with family values, none can find love. Men spend a few weeks wooing them, get what they were after and ghost them immediately or come up with some story why it would not work. One is still a virgin as she has seen enough of that and does not to “waste” it. Occasionally, they meet men through work or social contacts, but mostly on dating apps.

She came home last night and started a serious conversation about freezing her eggs.

So, my question is where are the decent, working, respectful young men? They are not in gyms, mine is full of much older or much younger. What are your boys saying about dating scene? Are they on apps? Sorry about the rambling, I just would like to know what it’s like on the other side.

This thread really brought out the smuggos 🤣

My son is only 13 but I have a brother in that age bracket. He's a single Dad and has pretty much now walked away from dating since his relationship with the mother of his son broke down. He's had one or two short term girlfriends since her but not for a few years now and he says dating is a minefield today, and he doesn't want a blended family in his house and he is just happy being a Dad. He has a decent job, owns his home, and plays sports with his friends in his spare time when his boy is not around.

I have a DS in this age range.

he is in London and wondering where all the girls in his age range are.

he’s a musician which might well put some off (not well paid). He’s generally at obscure jazz gigs, the Barbican, or the London Buddhist centre. Can also be spotted at Park runs.

he’s been on the apps but found them tricky.

My son is late 20’s, has his own house, works offshore, has a lovely girlfriend. He’s either working, with GF, doing up his house or at the gym. All normal stuff.

My son is 27.

He's a graduate with a good job in 'something to do with computers' and programming.

His experience of dating apps was as dire as any of the women's experiences I've read and not dissimilar!

He's never in the gym but does exercise (quite outdoorsy), he goes to a writing group, various music events, he volunteers with a food bank/outreach charity, he travels. He has his own place.

He's met a woman the same age as him who shares his interests in medieval history and literature. He is in a settled relationship with her.

Unfortunately, the prevalence of online porn coupled with a ‘post ladette we can walk around with our arses and tits out and YOU are the odd one if you think that’s not right’ attitude from young women mean there is genuinely very little respect between the sexes now.

What is wrong with wanting the first time to be special?

My nephew is 26 but still a student and living at home. He's ND and young for his age. He would like a girlfriend though, but honestly he's more like late teens in how he comes across. He's a very nice person but whoever he winds up with will need to tolerate a bit of monologuing about specific interests.

I think this is true for a large number of men in their 20s/early 30s.

I’m early 40s, but when we we were in our mid-thirties, all my husband’s friends had married women they had met at uni, or from our local area. No one is with anyone they met on an app.

DS 24,DN 26, DN 30

DN 30 living with girlfriend of 3 years, met at work. I think will wed within a couple of years.

DS 24 and DN 26 are in flat shares with other male friends, working very hard in their first/second jobs, playing a lot of sport, holidaying in groups with Uni friends (M+F).

Both DS and DN 26 had their Uni years mucked about by Covid, and both had quite intense Uni relationships with girls they were locked down with in halls, which then fell apart.

Of their mid 20s friends, the only ones in relationships seems to be the boys still in their Uni relationship or (in one case) still with girlfriend from 6th form.

Of 3 nephews in mid-to-late-20s, one is married and expecting his second kid, one has a serious girlfriend and the third is single but very shy and also ND.

They all met their partners through friends and socialising. No apps as far as I know.

I'm in my 50s and the same conversations were being held then - it was the Bridget Jones Diary era after all. I'm sorry to be cliched but your DD and her friends shouldn't be 'looking for love' - they should be meeting and dating as wide a range of men as possible and seeking every social opportunity, making friends and going out. You only need one 'love' but you have to sort through a lot of possibilities first.

Freezing your eggs at 26 is laughable unless there are medical issues.

I have 2 in this age group

One has just bought a house with his lovely girlfriend who he met online about 4 years ago.

The other had a one night stand about 7 years ago, this resulted in a beautiful granddaughter who he has from school every Friday to Sunday teatime. He has a good relationship with the mum but says he's not looking for a relationship as he wouldn't be available to go out on weekends as he's with his daughter.

Two sons, two nephews in your age bracket - all living and working away from home. All nerdy Warhammer boys. Three have long term partners, one is a few months in with a new girlfriend after his university relationship broke up. One met his partner at a LARP event, one at work, one on Discord while gaming and one at a metal gig.
I think the takeaway moral is don't overthink things, live your life, do things you enjoy and someone will turn up eventually!

I have DD’s and a dsd all mid 20’s and are in serious relationships with men a similar age, I think the settling down type have already found people by mid 20’s

Mine of the same age is in a relationship with a girl he met at uni and they live together.

I have 3 sons in this age bracket. They and all their friends are in long term relationships mostly with girls they were at uni or school with.

A generalisation but single women their age are amazing whereas the single boys are twats the girls aren’t interested in ☹️

The thing is, just because a woman is ‘good, beautiful, smart, professional with family values’ that doesn’t mean she’s automatically going to be entitled to a long term relationship with the first man she meets. She could all those things, but also an unappealing girlfriend.

If a woman says “I’ve been dating a man for a few weeks. He’s smart, good-looking, great job, wants a family - but I just don’t feel a spark. He’s a bit clingy, I’m not sure we have enough interests in common, we have different attitudes to money, and he’s a bit rubbish in bed to be honest. Should I dump him?” everyone would rightly say “Yes, he’s not the one for you”. But when your daughter and her friends get dumped you’re assuming the men are “making up some story about why it wouldn’t work”.

I’m sure your daughter’s perfectly nice but if she’s talking about egg freezing at 26 and her mates are the sort of people who would remain a virgin to save themselves for ‘the one’, they sound pretty intense to me. I would be put off by a man who was like that, no matter how smart and professional he was.

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Don’t have boys that age but I will say it cuts both ways, look at any of the dating threads on mn where people joke about their worst dates and make jokes about guys who were really quiet, wore unusual clothes, liked gaming etc. then the red flag green flag thing- red flag if he gets on well with his mum, he must be a mummy’s boy, or if he’s living at home, even though that poster said she was living at home too! I’d guess the social scene is difficult now too to meet people, we’re all so isolated :(

OP, I'd suggest your daughters would be better off going out into the real world and doing things that interest them rather than using dating apps.

Out drinking most nights, just about holding onto his job, because what he does is brill, he just doesn't have a clue about knuckling down.

He sounds like a good egg tbh

Son is 29, steady girlfriend (met irl through mutuals), they are considering marriage but it wouldn't be for a while. He has used the apps but no-one has 'stuck'. I am pretty sure he was hoping it would though ie not a user.

Dd (27) however is not as despondent as your dd but similarly, EXTREMELY disenchanted since the end of previous ltr (mutuals again , I do think the old ways are best). She thinks covid intefereed with forming strong friendship groups in her city and hybrid working cuts socialising at work even in previously quite social industries (even if you donnt want to date colleagues, I formed lifelong friendships and dated mutuals etc in my youth)

I have 3 sons in this age bracket !
DS1 has been with his gf a while and they rent a house and live miles away from us now. they are young and just chasing promotions.
DS2 ( 25years) lives with us but buying his own property soon. Recently split with his on/ off gf but was with her off and on for a good 18 months. Single currently ( we think ! ). He split with his gf as just knew she wasn't the one long term and didn't want to string her along. Hobbies are mainly the gym and fitness. Nice lad if anyone had single dd's in the east midlands !
Ds3 ( 23 years) - still at Uni but with long term gf who he has been with since aged 16.
My dd21 has bene with her bf for a year but on/ off and always some drama. Bf seems a bit immature, not sure how long it will last.
I have a few close friends with ds's in this age range too and am quite surprised that none of their lads have gf's or have ever had gf's. Whilst having reasonable jobs they live at home and rarely go out , still go on holiday with parents etc. I do find this a bit odd. They are all lovely young people but just seem to have no inclination to find a partner although i appreciate I may not know the ins and outs of their lives but am close to their mums and we do discuss this kind of thing ! I think my friends are also concerned about their sons total lack of relationships. They all seem to wfh and I'm sure this contributes to lack of social skills/ meeting people in rela life.

To sell I hope!

I'm in this age bracket with a family already. We met through mutual friend, not the apps. I'm not convinced those apps lead to serious relationships very often.