Mothers of straight young men 25-35YO - what are your boys up to?

[SleepRelay]

Asking for DD (26) and at least 3 of her girlfriends… All good, beautiful, smart, professional young women with family values, none can find love. Men spend a few weeks wooing them, get what they were after and ghost them immediately or come up with some story why it would not work. One is still a virgin as she has seen enough of that and does not to “waste” it. Occasionally, they meet men through work or social contacts, but mostly on dating apps.

She came home last night and started a serious conversation about freezing her eggs.

So, my question is where are the decent, working, respectful young men? They are not in gyms, mine is full of much older or much younger. What are your boys saying about dating scene? Are they on apps? Sorry about the rambling, I just would like to know what it’s like on the other side.

I wonder what the response would be if you told a woman she should be going for a run?

Gaming may not be to your taste but ultimately these men are working and spending their free time as they please. Keeping fit doesn’t take much time and no one has any idea if they’re quietly going for a run before work or spending an hour in the gym when they finish.

But even though they’re simply minding their own business and living their lives how they want, they have women they don’t know on the internet judging them for not maximising their eligibility for other women. And yet people can’t understand why so many are turning their backs on relationships!

DS 34, good job, good looking, own property. Not perfect, who is. Ex GF's, little princesses, expects the man to do everything, provide everything. They were all nice, but mummy & daddy give them allowances, MH issues, unable to handle stress. Expects the guy to be available 100%. Close for 12 months then filters out... Can never see him settling down.

My son is 24, he's graduated & back living at home.
He works 2 jobs, barista & waiter, whilst desperately trying to make it as an actor.
He's had 2 serious relationships & a few not so serious.
He's a handsome, funny 6' 4 charmer so lack of opportunity it is not 😊
He has no interest in girls atm he works with females & gets the impression (from them) that they all hate men.
He's happy with the gym, most sports & Lego (!) He eats well, doesn't drink much alcohol & is kind, respectful & great company.

Both of my DS's are in this category.
DS1 did meet his now wife on Hinge.
He was post Uni and she was doing a Masters at the time.
Happily married, both great jobs, live in London.
Very happy to be settled down.

DS2 met now fiancée at Uni and have been together since.
Marrying this Spring.
Both great jobs, own a flat. Stayed up north where they went to Uni.
Lots of their Uni friends getting engaged and married in the next year.

Good luck to your DD and her friends-I would suggest maybe they are looking in the wrong places or for the wrong things?

My son is nearly 35. He is divorced no children. His ex wife decided that she wanted to be a man! My son likes playing computer games and walking. He belongs to a walking group. He occasionally goes to church. No girlfriend on the scene at the moment.

This! I have two in the upper end of the age range.

what you need to ask is ‘where do they need to go to meet decent boys?’

One of mine met his partner at college, but didn’t get together until the bumped into each other at a fair a few years later, the other met his at a festival as she was ‘friend of friends’ and knew her for a few years before finally getting together.

I work in a sector where everyone is highly educated and qualified (or working towards professional qualifications) and there’s broadly a 50/50 split between the sexes.

There are quite a few couples I work with where each partner is just as qualified as the other. If not in the same industry, both the men and the women have partners who are professionals. I can’t think of any man I work with who is married to a woman who isn’t his “contemporary”.

You say yourself you’re 40 years older, so I’m not sure why you’re so convinced things are the same as they were.

DS is 29, owned his own home for 5 years, drives a nice car and works hard.
He doesn't go out often and likes his own company, has hobbies he loves ( solitary) but when in a relationship he really comes out of himself.
He does have challenge's as he has AuDHD, but he is good looking ( yeah I'm biased) hard working and incredibly kind, he is single but not looking as his last GF cheated on him, strung him along telling him they had a future, only on a break etc, she became evasive and cruel, I also had the horrid job of telling him she was pregnant and about to give birth as I bumped into her.... she begged me not to tell him!

My (nearly) 25ds is saving for a home of his own as he wants to buy this year. He had someone he had started talking to after she found out how much he had in the bank she was pestering him to buy her stuff even started asking for a car. He ghosted her and blocked her. He was upset about it but he didn't want someone like that he felt was hanging around for financial gain. He's kind of stayed away since as he felt burnt from it. He's such a lovely guy too. He's funny, kind and intelligent super outgoing and sociable with a good career and good future ahead....I'd love him to meet someone who is self sufficient and independent like he is.

Mine are 28 and 30. What they do socially -
Gym
Badminton
Board games
Pub quizzes
Cricket
Walking
Running

The above with friends and colleagues of both sexes.

They rarely go out to clubs or pubs, maybe once a year clubs and pub quiz once a month. They don't drink much alcohol but like eating out.

Both live with partners and bought houses in the last couple of years.
They did struggle to meet someone though. Both despaired of dating apps and had long periods of miserable failures at meeting nice girls. DS2 in particular as he started a grad scheme in a new city in lockdown and had a lonely time of it.
Both eventually met their partners on tinder though. Both amazing lovely women.

It's never been easy. Meeting someone on a night out seems risky, dating work colleagues potentially problematic. I remember having the same trouble myself in 1976. I joined a sports club, met DH who had joined to meet girls and we never went back...

Ds1 is married, with three dds, ds2 is engaged and getting married later this year, and ds3 is currently single, having just got out of a long term relationship (the break up was not his fault).

Two of my boys, 20 and 25 are madly in love with their lovely gf's so I can't help you there. My 22 year old is too busy working all the possible hours right now to have time for a relationship but I'm sure he'll soon find someone. My boys are ordinary boys and their girlfriends are natural, none of those full of Botox/ fillers and caked in make up that so many young girls seem to be into these days.

Ever heard of HER BODY, HER CHOICE?.
If she feels having sex when she's not yet married or very deep in commitment is wasting her virginity, SO BE IT.

Her body, her choice only applies when she chooses to have sex with any random bloke? Be on contraceptives? Have abortions?
It doesn't apply when she does not want to do it randomly?

So good your daughter is a virgin the men out here 90% are trash she is missing nothing

Have 3 sons, 37,35 & 22.
37yr old settled with partner & planning their first child.
35yr old, single but would like to be in a relationship but struggle with this due to autism.
22yr old, finishes final year at Uni in May. Never had a relationship and not interested. Also has autism.

They are adults capable of making legally binding choices.
What do mothers have to do with it?
If they are fucking up at 25, they were fucking up in the ten to fifteen years before that when @SleepRelay your parenting had a chance of having an influence.

And 35? What are you talking about? When my father was 35 he had a house, a business, and two children?

That’s terrible. I’m pretty sure the ex would have known this long before they married and therefore should have been truthful from the start and not wasted your DS’s time.

That was very selfish behaviour.

Can younger people actually afford (financially) commitment these days.

Well, seems my DS26 is in the minority. For socialising he tends to meet his (usually but not exclusively male) friends, usually in the pub, or he's chatting to them while they're gaming.
He's not on dating apps ...that I know of.
I think he feels at the moment that the dating scene is too much like hard work. He's enjoying doing what he wants, when he wants and I don't think he's ready to compromise on that yet. He does seems to expect and want to marry and have a family at some point, but hasn't voiced any thoughts on how he might get there.
He is genuinely a lovely young man that would treat any woman well.
It's a tricky subject to broach with him ever since I put a Grow-your-own-girlfriend joke in his Christmas stocking though!

Are your daughter and friends interesting? Funny? Care free? Or are they presenting themselves in a way that screams ‘trying to find love’, because that’s enough to make anyone except the nobbers out for a shag runaway. Your daughter is 26. I honestly find the seriousness and desperation of her already talking about freezing her eggs so silly. She needs to meet men having an open mind, a view to be friends and if anything comes after that then great, but meeting men to ‘find love’ gives off unnecessary desperation vibes.

My Ds is 30, builder, owns own house , partner and baby.
my dd 24 wants a long term relationship but god she has been put through it, they promise the earth then several months later, they decide to travel, change areas, she doesn’t do one night hook ups, as she says wasting her time, all the talking stage, meet up

My partner of 11 years is upstairs sorting his Pokémon collection also…

agree with lots of others that most are already in relationships

I met my DP through school

It's more the weird connotation that virginity is some valued, sacred thing to be saved for 'the one'. If i met a man who was saving himself I'd think he was either very, very religious or had weird hang ups about sex neither of which are ideal because both would mean he'd not have clue in bed.