Mothers of straight young men 25-35YO - what are your boys up to?

[SleepRelay]

Asking for DD (26) and at least 3 of her girlfriends… All good, beautiful, smart, professional young women with family values, none can find love. Men spend a few weeks wooing them, get what they were after and ghost them immediately or come up with some story why it would not work. One is still a virgin as she has seen enough of that and does not to “waste” it. Occasionally, they meet men through work or social contacts, but mostly on dating apps.

She came home last night and started a serious conversation about freezing her eggs.

So, my question is where are the decent, working, respectful young men? They are not in gyms, mine is full of much older or much younger. What are your boys saying about dating scene? Are they on apps? Sorry about the rambling, I just would like to know what it’s like on the other side.

My son is 25, degree educated, working in media. Shares a flat in battersea with two friends, has recently started dating a 25 year old he has met through work. He is kind, very easy going, and respectful and I am very proud of him. His friends are lovely too! He's taking the day off work tomorrow to take me out for a birthday treat.

There are decent chaps around! And he does go to his staff gym.

Is it a regular house or very nice house with plenty of extra cash left over? I'm just wondering if we are at a point where merely owning a property makes you worry about gold diggers. MN is full of parents saying how their adult child still lives at home saving money for a house. So it kinda sucks that if they manage to buy a house then they feel they have to be extra careful when dating. If he is rich rich the that's a very valid worry.

The way some posters talk about single people (men and women) on these threads baffles me. I know lots of younger, single people of both sexes who are totally normal, functional people - no failure to launch, no unsuitability, no desperation, no unbridled hideousness - a long-term relationship just hasn't worked out for them yet. Equally, I know lots of people of the same age who are dysfunctional in some/many ways, yet are in relationships. The 'all the good ones get taken at uni' trope is absolute guff, I'm afraid.

Yep. I have so many wonderful single friends. There isn't objectively anything wrong with them. Obviously not everyone's cup of tea, but you know. Similarly some of my friends spouses, yikes. Then there are some of my partners friends where it is very obvious why they are single. Then there are just very many that are just not interested in dating cause it is a lot of effort and enough lackluster attempts. Then there are the onrs that are happily single.

Dating seems much more Americanised now - seeing multiple people (if given the opportunity!). Perhaps it’s the online thing - there may be something better if you just give it one more swipe.

Back in my day if a bloke summoned up the courage to ask you out that was tantamount to a marriage proposal!

It seems to be equal across the sexes - ds was seeing a girl for some months before she agreed to be his gf. All sounded very wishy-washy to me.

My DS has been with his gf for a year now. Met locally and clicked. Prior to that he was in a relationship for 3 years with a girl he met at a party. He’s never had any of the dating apps. His friends are a mixture of single or living with their long term gfs. They are all around 25-26 years old and none are considering children or even marriage. They are mostly working hard and just enjoying life with holidays, gigs etc.

Me too. Oldest ds has his own flat.

He needs to keep it quiet until he can fully trust any future girlfriend(s). No need for potentials to know he's mortgage free nor how much money he has in his bank account.

When I was dating, no one knew how much I had in the bank (I was a worker/saver so it was quite a surprisingly substantial amount given my age), and I didn't go around flashing the cash (I wasn't a spender at all). I must have been "dating" my (now) DH for 2 or 3 years before I told him how much I had in the bank! He simply didn't need to know until I was certain I could trust him! I wasn't dripping with jewelry or other possessions, pretty frugal with clothes, and we were cost-conscious with holidays etc. We both had similar values with money and it turned out he was a saver too, so we were well matched.

My experience of other people is that the ones who are obsessed with money/possessions etc go after others who "appear" wealthy, i.e. designer clothes, jewelery, high branded car, etc., so to avoid the "wrong" type of person, you need to keep your cards close to your chest and don't go down the road of showing off your wealth etc.

@serenerepublicofI agree, I had a few comments about my DS whom I posted about.
Being shy, having a career etc but choosing not to socialise seems offensive or odd to some ppl.
I have friends in their 50/60s lifelong single with great lives.

He's sensible, and not flash so I think he'll be okay. It's not as if the house is a McMansion; only a two-up two-down terrace in a midland town, so absolutely the sort of house that could be owned on a mortgage.

Either way, I can completely understand why this young woman doesn’t want a disrespectful jackass between her thighs. Far any type of sexual activity.

Agreed. “Going to uni to get your MRS degree” (ie, meet a husband and never have a career) is a very old phrase indeed. Like 1950s old.

Nothing misogynistic about a woman choosing to do the most intimate/vulnerable thing two people can do together with someone that she really cares about.

I have two sons, 28 and 26, both in long term loving relationships with lovely women of the same age. Both sons live at home as we're London outskirts and cost is prohibitive. Elder is an entrepreneur, works very hard, plays semi-pro rugby and is saving to move out; younger is a musician so earns very little despite being extremely talented, and is more of a worry. Both are wonderful partners to their girlfriends, though, so feel churlish complaining. Trying to work out how I can help them financially with a house deposit once income improves. Life is very hard at the moment, especially for the young.

forgot to say he goes to the gym 3 times a week so keeps himself very fit. He’s just very shy and sensitive.

That is both my boys except the elder one is now 36. They are both married and both have three children. Elder son is a GP (met his lovely wife while at uni) younger son is 32 (met his lovely wife while in a gap year working at a theme park) he now works making props and miniatures in the film industry. There are good men but both my sons have basically been in a relationship with their wives since university.

My DS(25 soon) is working and spending time with mates, his casual girlfriend is on a year long trip to a different country. He’s not interested in settling down and neither is this girl, obviously, he feels he’s too young for anything serious. Which is exactly how I felt at his age. I met his father when I was 31. I definitely didn’t want anything serious in my twenties.