Mothers of straight young men 25-35YO - what are your boys up to?

[SleepRelay]

Asking for DD (26) and at least 3 of her girlfriends… All good, beautiful, smart, professional young women with family values, none can find love. Men spend a few weeks wooing them, get what they were after and ghost them immediately or come up with some story why it would not work. One is still a virgin as she has seen enough of that and does not to “waste” it. Occasionally, they meet men through work or social contacts, but mostly on dating apps.

She came home last night and started a serious conversation about freezing her eggs.

So, my question is where are the decent, working, respectful young men? They are not in gyms, mine is full of much older or much younger. What are your boys saying about dating scene? Are they on apps? Sorry about the rambling, I just would like to know what it’s like on the other side.

They’re either

free and single (apps for sh#gging)
already dating
manic depressive gamers
career obsessed
manosphere obsessed
drinkers
weed smokers
Device obsessed
Cautious of getting burned

They live with their girlfriends.

My husband falls into this category.

I am very skeptical that the apps lead to much. Meeting in person through common interests is how most of our contemporaries have settled down. That being said, I have friends freezing eggs, perusing IUI as single women and DH has lots of friends who I think are “a catch” but don’t seem to be making any move to find someone. They have their work and hobbies.

They're married with children or planning to have children.

My son is 32, friends the same age. All university educated, some have masters or PhDs, professional training. They are doctors, lawyers, pharmacists, financial managers. Several, including my son, met their wife at university, others met at work. All married within the past 3 years, a few have had children.

My 4 nephews are a few years younger, all in relationships with women they met at university.

My nephews (3 of them in this age category) are all in serious relationships with women they met at uni.

”Wasting” your virginity?

Ew.

Mine is in his house sorting his pokemon card collection 🤣

He met his girlfriend at a party through mutual friends though if that helps.

Honestly, I think a lot of the decent ones are married or in long term relationships. Dh is lovely and respectful and hard working and wanted a family and everyone likes him. I met him when he was 21 and snapped him up. Most of the good decent men I can think of partnered up during uni or by mid 20s and we’re all still happily married in our mid 40s.

I agree.

We’re towards the upper limit of OP’s age range, but my husband and his 4 close friends are all in this category. They’re all in serious long term relationships or marriages, 4/5 have children. They’ve all been with their partners since uni, apart from DH, who met me when he was 24.

I also have 7 male cousins in this category, 5 of whom are in long term relationships. And all 4 of my female cousins are married to men in this category. Again, most of these relationships started at uni or in their early 20s, and have now lasted 10+ yrs.

My DS 24 is single and says he’s happy that way at moment, so are most of his friends. They spend a lot of time at the gym, watching or playing football or other sports when they’re not working. Not massive drinkers but may have 1 or 2 big nights out every month. He says, in his experience, women his age seem to be quite needy and want constant contact and reassurance, which he doesn’t want to provide right now. I’m a single Mum and have brought him up to respect women so I really hope he never behaves in the way you’ve described. I don’t get the impression he does from what he says anyway.

26 is much too young to be worrying about freezing eggs, but I do understand where your DD is coming from as I was desperate for a baby from age 20 onwards. It’s hard but I think you have to live your live to the full, join clubs and hobby groups and at some point the right person will come along.

I think your daughter and her friends need to just get on and live their life - pursue a career, have fun, travel, and if it's meant to be, it will be. I was in a similar position at the age of around 28, so moved abroad to teach. It was the best thing I could have done - I had a blast and then met my husband out of the blue when I least expected it. I think often men who are in long term relationships in their 20s come out of those relationships then marry the next girl they meet, because they feel ready!

I have a DS of 25. Works long hours in the City. He’s got a GSOH and is reasonably good looking. He says that all the girls he meets are either in very long term relationships or are career orientated and are just looking for sex rather than being boyfriend and girlfriend.

I have four nephews in this age range. Two went into long term relationships at university, both of these ended after a couple of years but before long they were both in more permanent long term relationships and one is soon to be married to his girlfriend. They both moved into their own places after university. The other two, as far as I know, have never been in long term relationships. One lived at home til nearly 30 and seemed to spend most of his time with parents or male friends and the other is still at home in his late twenties. Which I doubt is all that attractive to women.

My DS
in a long term relationship with a lovely lass
working hard
buying a flat
climbing mountains
youd probably find him in Cotswold Outdoor buying expensive hiliking equipment and the way to woo him would be to be buying your own expensive hiking equipment and to have a good idea and plan on how to use it.

I have two. They have good jobs but in male dominated industries. They still live at home, I've no idea why as they have healthy deposits to put down on first homes. Maybe they are hoping to buy outright?! They are shy, introverts who spend their free time gaming or painting Warhammer. If anyone could send round their lovely girls to drag my boys out, I will be eternally grateful.

Not dating, not looking to date, just having fun in a mixed sex friendship group they've had since highschool.

It's kind of eerie, really. They both focus on platonic relationships.

I don’t have kids but there are four lads in one family in the house across the road who are in that age range, well, one slightly below. The youngest is at uni doing surveying. The other three work for their property developer dad and apparently had no choice - it was “work or be disowned”. They are out of the house every day at 0630, back at 1630. Work 0630-1430 on Saturdays. Sundays they usually drive around with their dad checking out possible renovation opportunities that they have spotted on Right Move. They play football two nights a week and the rest of the time they sleep. All three live at home, the dad has bought them each a small new car but otherwise pays them peanuts and runs the family with a rod of iron. Really sad.Two have said they’d like to move out and have a bit more of a normal life but don’t want to lose their family connection.

Me as DH are 26 and 27, got married very early. I knew as soon as I met him I wanted to lock that down asap because a lot of other men were genuinely mining. My sample was skewed though as we were both working for Wetherspoons so there’s a disproportionate amount of coke heads and alcoholics. Most of the other people we know who got married young got married when they didn’t have great jobs, they met at work and built together.

Son (31) married girl he's been going out with since he was 15 last year. The last 3 years and next 2 are mainly booked with weddings of friends who have been in long term relationships. Sorry, that doesn't help...

My DS is 25 and would probably be considered very eligible for reasons I won’t boast about 🤣

He has a girlfriend he’s absolutely crazy about and treats her very well. He has barely spent more than a few weeks without a girlfriend since turning sixteen. Four long term serious relationships.

Every single one of them was a friend before they started dating, if that helps? I don’t think he’s ever been on Hinge or anything.

DD, 28, has exactly the same issues as OP mentions…

Honestly, OP, I don’t think any of the 26 year old men I know would be that attracted to women their age who just wanted to ‘find love’ and were thinking about freezing their eggs. Some people meet at university, absolutely, but I don’t think the ones who didn’t are generally looking to settle down and have babies at this stage.

Of the 20something and early 30something guys I know, a couple are married with children, one has arranged his life around training for and competing in endurance events and is at peace with it being incompatible with a relationship, one is totally dedicated to his City job and says he doesn’t have time for anything serious, one is a medical student (ditto), and one is living his best life, divided between guiding in the Alps in winter and living on a houseboat in the Netherlands in summer, and isn’t interested in compromising that for a relationship.

Is your DD still living at home? What about suggesting she broadens her horizons a bit?

I work with 3 guys in this age bracket.

1. is recently single, so picking up his social life with mates. Not looking for a woman currently. He's smart and good looking tho. Will get snapped up when he's ready to move on.
2. all loved up, still living with his parents. Decent guy.
3. a bloody liability. Out drinking most nights, just about holding onto his job, because what he does is brill, he just doesn't have a clue about knuckling down.

Plenty of mumsnetters will also have partners or husbands in this age catergory

My son who is 23 can't find a girlfriend! He is in a good steady career progressing job working FT. He lives in his own flat, got his own car. He is talk and quite good looking. A bit overweight but goes to the gym 3 times a week. He is genuinely the nicest person and would never hurt or upset anyone. He is very emotionally mature.

The problem: He is, and admit, to be quite picky. He likes genuine, natural looking and emotionally mature women. He is shy and feels very awkward meeting new people, especially women. He is worried of saying something that will offend them and would then feel terrible. He is not interested in just going on dates or whatever it is called now, but would prefer to meet someone and get the chance to know them first. Sadly, he works with much older colleagues and says people don't really chat at the gym. He doesn't get much the chance to meet new people outside of work and gym.

Similar to @EverardDeTroyes
They're keen to meet someone but I think they're scared of serious relationships. Life is probably a bit too comfortable for them as they are. Both have previously been in relationships, one quite serious but he chose to end things as he knew she wasn't 'the one'. Their 'type' would be family-oriented, home-loving and fairly introverted (they're not into drinking, clubbing, hook-ups etc)
Their hobbies don't seem to lead to meeting women (swimming, running, climbing, gaming including board games). I slightly despair of them finding happiness 🙁