Mothers of straight young men 25-35YO - what are your boys up to?

[SleepRelay]

Asking for DD (26) and at least 3 of her girlfriends… All good, beautiful, smart, professional young women with family values, none can find love. Men spend a few weeks wooing them, get what they were after and ghost them immediately or come up with some story why it would not work. One is still a virgin as she has seen enough of that and does not to “waste” it. Occasionally, they meet men through work or social contacts, but mostly on dating apps.

She came home last night and started a serious conversation about freezing her eggs.

So, my question is where are the decent, working, respectful young men? They are not in gyms, mine is full of much older or much younger. What are your boys saying about dating scene? Are they on apps? Sorry about the rambling, I just would like to know what it’s like on the other side.

My DS are both single atm, both been in relationships but I am not sure they are looking for long term relationships. I feel they are at the find a female friend stage.

They missed out on big time socialising at uni due to covid and have missed the social connections that could have led to a wider pool of female friends.

They both go out and have outside interests, so I am sure that in time they will meet more potential interests. In their friendship group only 1 has a serious GF and they met at uni. None of them have had much luck with dating apps, they all prefer meeting people in person, which is a lot tougher as clubs have closed, people tend to be more homebodies and not everyone has the cash to go on night out.

None of this sounds much different to when I was 20 something in London in the 90s to be honest. Very few of my friends met the person they went on to marry until they were in their 30s.

My Ds is in a stable happy relationship with a DP he met ‘in RL’ , which was his second relationship - so one from 16 -18, one 20 -25 and counting.

He had never shagged around.

He does his job (well) lives in a flat share (Gf works in the next city so they don’t live together at present but did for 2 years previously), he is in a band and does stuff with friends (including weekends away) as does she.

I can’t imagine they will be in a position to buy property or have Dc for at least 5 years.

(both high achieving graduates)

Thinking of my two brothers in that age group.

Both married. Both own their homes. Both have children. Both working. Both been with their now wives since the age 16

My DS’s are in your category. Both married at 27. Both are buying property, eldest is a Dad. Eldest met his wife at uni during his first year. Youngest met his wife online, foreign national, but they were dating in real life for over 4 years before marrying so they could live permanently together. Both have professional jobs and both went to uni.

They’re already in long term relationships / married in my experience. The most eligible ones tend to be snapped up young by other enterprising young people looking for a partner to build with.

My boys are exactly the same type of people as the girls you mentioned @SleepRelay, I wish we could get them together.

Two adult DSs, work together with great careers, one 30, one early twenties. Eldest is a homeowner, married with a baby. DS2 lives here with his partner, both saving hard to buy their own home.
Both DS have been with their partners since they were at school. I know this must be unusual, but (at least amongst their friends) it seems that those who are decent don't mess their GFs around, take relationships seriously, and seem to be 'taken off the market' by their mid twenties.
Of course this is just my experience of a very small sample group, but it also applies to my generation too.

Mine (26) got a long term girlfriend, but he spends a lot of time at work and the gym. Currently living with us while he saves for a house.

Sounds a bit extreme to talk about but the freezing at 26. I think most people sense desperation when it’s there and run a mile

The men they're looking for aren't on dating apps.

I'm in my mid 50s but most of the women I know of my age with a long term partner, met them when they were 25 to 35. I do know some couples who have been together since university/university age but they are in the minority.

I kind of agree but also admire her not sleeping with absolute wasters.

Ds2 is 28. Works for a global brand in the City. Ambitious, funny, smart. Likes drinking and techno house music. Despairing of getting on the property ladder. Going to Mexico for the World Cup. Kind to cats

My DS in this age group had his uni experience very disrupted by covid. First year was mostly online and he came home. Second year he lived in a shared flat with another bloke but socialising was extremely limited.

it was only third year that even vaguely approximated to a normal junior social experience.

My 25 year old is in a relationship and has had a string of long term girlfriends (2 years +) since 14. His friends and younger sibling are nothing like that and happily single or only want short-term casual.

Genuine people on apps are rare ime.

It Is a waste if you have (probably not very good) sex with a loser who ghosts you and has no respect for you.

It’s pretty sensible to not want that to be your first experience of sex. Can’t see the issue with that girl not wanting to have the same negative experience as her friends.

Maybe it's that young women have raised their bar? Gaming, weed smoking,porn watching, gambling, cheating applicants need not apply. Lots of people on here who are older and have sacked off the older equivalent of these young men.

I'm sorry to say it but they are still at home because you allow them to be, and it will definitely be putting girls off that they still live at home with their mummy.

Agree — though I don’t think I’d say ‘intense”, I’d say ‘mono focused on relationships”. The OP doesn’t say anything about what her daughter and her friends are actually like as people, and some of the vague hints don’t sound particularly appealing. ‘Family values’ can be code for ‘Reform-voting’. Talking about freezing her eggs at 26 while living with her parents isn’t going to appeal to a lot of people unless they’re equally mono-focused. Someone who thinks her virginity is some kind of prize to bestow (how will the ‘someone special’ win it?) is probably storing up problems by making sex too important in her head.

Are these women interesting?

I have a DS 28 and DS 26 and DD 26
both boys are in long term relationships which lovely partners DD still looking , she’s had a few boyfriends , one though 6th form and uni broke up in third year .

Single. ND. No gf that I know of. Working, sleeping ,mates,and hobbies and weed I think. Not much ambition sadly.

Vastly different to me at that age.

I remember breaking up with my long term bf at 25 and having 3 years of nothing because every guy who was decent had been snapped up (or maybe they didn't need to get into the weird stuff because they had the stability of a girlfriend) and there was a huge chunk missing. All of the guys who struggled to get gf's got sucked into porn (which was suddenly free for our age) and began losing the art of conversation. All I would suggest is we encourage our young people to set people up with friends who are single - now all of my peer's first marriages are ending (late 40s/early 50s) this is the most successful way of finding men who haven't cheated/got some weird fetish/aren't womanising that normal happy women would want to date.

Married and committed to family life, child and career.
Met spouse in early uni days.

My 34 year old got married last year (been together for 11 years). My other son 33 is with his girlfriend. They’ve been together a similar time. Both bought their own home. One met their partner in a night club and the other were friends in sixth form.
I’ve nieces a similar age to your daughter both are not in a relationship and still living at home.