Mothers of straight young men 25-35YO - what are your boys up to?

[SleepRelay]

Asking for DD (26) and at least 3 of her girlfriends… All good, beautiful, smart, professional young women with family values, none can find love. Men spend a few weeks wooing them, get what they were after and ghost them immediately or come up with some story why it would not work. One is still a virgin as she has seen enough of that and does not to “waste” it. Occasionally, they meet men through work or social contacts, but mostly on dating apps.

She came home last night and started a serious conversation about freezing her eggs.

So, my question is where are the decent, working, respectful young men? They are not in gyms, mine is full of much older or much younger. What are your boys saying about dating scene? Are they on apps? Sorry about the rambling, I just would like to know what it’s like on the other side.

I am in this age range (although married with three children with a professional career). Nearly everybody I know, including me, met their husbands on dating apps. All of the husbands are high achieving professionals. The only people I know that didn’t met at university. My only brother that isn’t married also uses apps.

Dating apps require effort though, there is little point in spending weeks chatting before you meet somebody. I used to go on a couple of first dates a month although I was the first person my husband met using dating apps!

My DS is 22 is working full time in a decent job, he has a lovely group of friends- they travel, go to the cinema, have meals out, pop in the train and visit new places etc etc. He was really hurt by someone a few years ago - and won’t entertain a relationship now. None of his mates have a partner apart from 1, (out of 15). He doesn’t drink loads, doesn’t do drugs etc - hes just a nice lad, who is quite shy, enjoys a bit of gaming, who wouldn’t do dating apps. He said to us the other night he would be happy in a flat with a dog!!

I have friends with lads who are the same, nice guys who have never had gf’s who are in their early to mid 20’s. I don’t think its as uncommon as it once was.

Two age 22

One split up with his girlfriend recently because she moved herself into his Uni houseshare.
He said it was all too much and is happier single now.
Hes enjoying being himself rather than part of a couple

The others ex girlfriend has spent the last 9 months trolling him online and turning everyone at Uni against him.
He’s been through hell with it all and I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he never dates again.

Other son age 25 has spent most of the last few years in the Antarctic as part of his work.
He’s happy as he is and prefers animals

Our boys aren’t big clubbers anymore. ( the eldest never was ).

Been there done that and realised it’s not that fun really.
They don’t use dating apps.
As sporty and musical people their social circles are around their interests and it makes sense I suppose to meet people they share an interest with.

Dating it seems is a bloody nightmare. Breaking up has always been hard but now people can chase you around the internet everyone needs to be very careful with future friendships.

My lot are cautious and I really don’t blame them.

So great to read this post. People are perfectly happy being an individual these days. Being a couple isn’t seen as the be all and end all and the height if success.

Mine are much the same as yours Franken
Even down to the dog.
Knowing who they are and being happy with themselves is something to celebrate

I have a very close male single friend in that category. He has been on and off looking for love/wanting to start a family for the past couple of years and no luck himself either. He has met a few women on dating apps but no success, I don't know why, he's not shared the issues, he's a very private person. He spends most of his time at work, with family, doing domestic work and DIY, and with friends - his friendship group is a very old long established, essentially closed group of people he's mostly known for 1-2 decades.

All my other male straight friends and relatives in this age bracket (of which there are many due to me and DH also being in this age bracket) are in relationships, about 3/4s of these are married and about a quarter of them already have kids.

Agree, similar story among my friends living in a city in the 00s. Most of my female friends didn’t meet their long term partners until their late 20s/early 30s, unless they were still with a partner from university.

I really hope none of them shared details about my sex life with their mum though!

I remember being in my 20s and finding this was the case back then. Its actually hard to find someone you like who also wants the same things as you at the same time.
I found my person through a friend at a party. He was 10 years older as I gave up on the 'boys'. A lot of my friends just settled in the end actually. Not many people I know were whisked off their feet with a true romance.

DS 23 currently at home.post uni saving for a.flat. works in a very male dominated industry and long hours goes out couple times a week with friends to pub quiz or to watch footy. Never had girl friend at uni as his course was also male dominated and the only girl preferd girls too! I dispare about how / when he will meet a partner. Dd currently at uni in very steady relationship with lovely but quite lad, Im hoping it lasts as they seem very compatable. Tips for the 23 yr old though welcome

My relative (not DS) is nearly 30 and as far as I know has only just started a relationship not having one of note previously. I think it’s due to the fact he moved out of home a few months ago so was ‘free’ to pursue a relationship and be able to take someone back to his.
He’s a professional, but took a while to get his career up and running so his confidence was low and now it’s all falling in to place. He’s reasonably good looking, but quite shy and fussy too from what he’s said in the past.
My DS is 22 and never had a relationship- he’s got MH issues and I’m sure they impact on this. He’s shy w girls and finds dates a bit excruciating- he’s got female friends who he’s one fancied or they fancied him but it never progressed. I’m hoping he meets someone when he finishes uni.

One is married, one is underwhelmed by the attitude of some women.
Unattached son (working, lives alone, nice looking) uses dating apps off and on but gets put off by some attitudes eg “I would never date a Tory”. He isn’t a Tory by a long stretch of the imagination but is put off by the rigidness of thinking.
He’s dated some nice enough women but enjoys being on his own and enjoys his lifestyle so it would need to be someone really special to make him want to change it. I keep hoping…….!

Ds25 engaged to a lovely woman he met at uni, bought a house last year and they seem settled and happy.

Yes, mine is almost 26 and lives with his GF who he’s been with since they were 18 and with whom he’s bought a house.

My ds, slightly younger, but 20s, is worried about getting burned. Emotionally and financially. He isn’t looking for a relationship, having been previously hurt and also having seen a friend go through a major depressive episode after a breakup.

My ds is on the market. He would like to meet someone “old fashioned” - not a trad wife! - but someone who is intelligent, likes history/reading/culture, not political, friendly, kind… He says he’s given up!

DS is 27. First GF (met at uni) left him for his friend, they are still on good terms despite this.
Second GF (also uni) and he parted amicably as they were living at opposite ends of the country.
Third GF (dating app) dumped him, it was obvious they were growing apart but she wasn't very nice about it.

He does use OLD, and has had a few dates. One girl he really liked but she went back to her home country. In his experience plenty of the girls were only interested in ONS and no strings relationships, and he wants a GF.

He's currently enjoying being single and has a wide range of friends from both inside and outside work.

DH is 32, obviously married with DC, we own our home, he’s got a degree and masters and is currently doing an MBA. Drives a nice company car, earns well. They’re not all losers. My brother is 27 and also married with his own home.

One of mine is at home with his lt gf. The other is working hard, then either seeing his gf, his mates or gaming because hes on yet another early shift. We live in a small town and all the women in his age group most of whom he went to school with, are settled or not his type(and vice versa). Its taken a long time to find someone. He didnt want to do tinder.

They are living with or buying houses with their girlfriends.

DS is nearly 27. Last serious relationship was five years ago, and was complicated. A hook up ended in vicious trolling during uni. Now sticks to a circle of old and trusted friends and refuses to touch social media.

Our eldest boy is in the armed forces. He joined after completing his masters. It's something he always wanted to do (as my DF had, and my DH too). It's been part of our family going back many many generations.

The younger boy is still in college. He finishes his course this Jun, and wants to work (or study) in Germany for a year.

Both have had on-off GFs, but in some ways they are similar to me at that age. I had no intention of having a serious relationship when I knew I would be moving locations, jobs and so on.

I'm not a mother to a son that age, but I am in that age range as are my friends. I met dh via work, but both the men and women I know who have found a long term partner via apps, were brutally honest about what they liked, that they wanted, that they were dating to find a long term partner, eventually have kids (or not etc) and that they weren't interested in one night stands etc reduces the amount of interest you get, but what you get tends to align a lot better.

My ds 30 had great time at uni with lots of travelling, sport, lads nights out etc. Now has a gf he met through friends and this year has 7 weddings all from that lads group. They all took off around 27/28. Two are marrying women they met abroad while working for a year. I see all my friends ds leading the same life.
My other ds a bit older met a lovely woman on Bumble and they are in a long term relationship with plans to marry.
My dd met her dh at 29 through friends after some disappointments and got married at 33.
All are university educated with pretty good jobs so it took a while to make it through masters etc. Then the travelling, living abroad and now they are ready to settle down

Friends are a good source of connections here .
My advice is go out have lots of fun. Take up sports, hiking, fun outdoor activities , travelling and just relax. My niece met her dh on a train in Japan!!

Same here @junebirthdaygirl
This is exactly the experience of my dc.
My older two dc are 29 and 27.
Between them they seemed to be at a wedding or a stag / hen do for much of last Summer, and seem to have several more each booked in this year.

But they are also people that go out and live their lives for themselves. None of them, or their friends go out "looking for a life partner". Some meet through hobbies or sports or work, and plenty of them are on-line and meet up for dates with new people. Others meets through friends / when they are out and about with friends. Then relationships evolve naturally or of course, they don't, but someone that was clingy and 'looking for commitment' before they even had chance to get to know one another would be a big turn off.

Ones married after a couple of previous GFs. Ones in a LTR with a lovely young woman, his first serious relationship. When single they went to work (both have demanding jobs), the gym, did outdoorsy stuff with mates, plus pubs, bars and gigs. Neither into clubbing.
DS2 actively resisted a relationship until he met current GF, because he felt his life was busy and full enough already and that a relationship was a pressure he didn't want, both in terms of having to consider another person all the time, and because he thought it likely they would want a house, family and a couples lifestyle that didn't appeal. His GF doesn't appear to want to rush in that direction either, so I think that's why he changed his mind.

Thank you @BrownTroutBluesAgain (love the name!) I used to worry about DS tbh - but not any more he is individual, different and a nice lad. I am glad there is no pressure in his friendship group; to have sex, have relationships etc…. Each to their own 😀

Lovely to hear about your DS too (and the dog!) 🐶