To refuse Hs attempt at sex at 6.30 on a week day morning when High School DC about to wake in their nearby rooms

[NobodysGirl]

I get up at 6.30 and get breakfast and stuff for DC to leave at 7.30 (High school), their alarm goes at 6.30 too and rarely they do saunter in if the door were unlocked- but even otherwise the rooms are all close by and they would be up and about and this is more embarrassing now that they are grown and would easily have guessed.

Found it disgusting and a turn off and annoyed with H

Especially as he knew I would have been willing after they had left for a lie in as we both wfh and have the whole place to ourselves and full privacy till late evening when they are back.

Is this a fetish that emerges in couples in 40s and 50s to pounce and try it on at inappropriate times? Does it keep men from getting bored to be risque than safe.

Not having it.

Should be careful of use of the word 'fetish' loosely is key takeaway and agree.

I don't know how someone gets turned on at the worst possible time of the day, but yes I get that is being judgy - and from your responses I can see I am not spontaneous or flowing with the moment - when the kids are priority

He was a bit irritated at the time and then later we properly rowed after they left as I wanted him to admit it had been disrespectful but he felt otherwise.

TGIF .....

Trying it on with his DW is not automatically asserting ownership over her! Behave

Of course context is everything! I was answering your question from my own perspective. That of a happily married woman with grown kids who enjoys having sex with her loving husband but isn't always up for it!

Much less than I used to way back when, but me trying is what my other thread was about, thanks

If that's what happened that would be a no from me as well.
I get what you mean by calling it a fetish, I think because something about it seems off.

I would not like to be objectified and thought of in that way, especially as I feel like in a nother first and definitely not someone's property.

It feels very demeaning on purpose.

Are the DCs his? It is weirdly competitive and definitely ick inducing!

Btw even without that update I agree with your op, I couldn't relax enough in the mornings, I could be called on snd need to get up and doing things, let alone teens hearing.

So what terrible thing has he done that you have not mentioned here that would turn the context over?

Are you not aware that sometimes men just wake up with an erection?

Yes this is how I felt @GiantTeddyIsTired , just affectionate sex is not enough anymore apparently for him ... thank you for your post, you said it better

My DH text me at 530 this morning while I was in the gym and asked if I’d like to ride him. I didn’t bother to answer him because I was too busy running out of the gym and up the stairs. Is this a fetish?

With kindness, this is bonkers.

He fancied a morning quickie, you didn’t and declined. It’s really not a big deal. It does sound like the two of you need a conversation (not about scheduling sex).

I think you are perfectly ok to refuse but it is also natural for your DH to also want to.... the issue with the teenagers in the house I do get but OP I think your post is either badly worded/explained or like other PP have said you just don't like your DH and you don't want sex with him regardless of teenagers being around. You were wrong to make him feel like their was something wrong with him for wanting sex with his wife.

....and I expect that's what you said, in a loving, flirty and come-hither-but-not-immediately sort of way.

As opposed, "Ew, get off, you perv. Is this some kind of new fetish? You're disgusting."

...er...for example.

@TMFF it's one you really need the background to, to understand. In a normal living relationship it would be fine.

@NobodysGirl

And this is exactly why a thread 'in isolation' is utterly pointless when you're in a shit relationship.

your relationship isn't good, people will be answering from their own relationship situation.

i wouldn't have sex with your DH at anytime,
.

Yes teen sons , who are much more closer to me than him. Thanks.

But to the PPs saying they are fine having sex with teens getting ready for school bustling about in an average sized house, wanting breakfast sorted etc
and are okay with them knowing you are having sex meanwhile

How do you then with a straight face then advise them on waiting at the very least till 18 etc, - I don't know, I just need to get better at parenting as well maybe in addition to being a better cool wife.

Trying it on at the time when he knows she has to get up to start the day is not a neutral act.

Maybe a thoughtless one but not an act of dominance or whatever. He just wanted a ride why take it so personally

If you don't want to o do it the obviously it's unreasonable. Having sex in the morning when the rest of the house is waking is absolutely fine though. We did this morning same scenario. Not sure what the problem is. Kids are old enough not to come in ( certainly not without knocking and waiting for a response) and we kept it quiet 🤐....

So what’s the background that changes the entire story?

I think I mumbled ' what ?? the door might not even be locked!? Stop. wth? Wait till DC leave. what the eff' shoved off octopus hands and lips and got up and walked away.

But before that I did give him a morning cuddle which I usually do not, sorry for the drip feed, it was not a sexual cuddle but don't worry cuddle, because one of his family was in hospital earlier this week.

Maybe it was partly on me. I am overthinking it since this morning and exhausted now. Right and wrong and shades of grey in a marriage.

And should add it was me that initiated...

I agree with this. I've been single for a long time and so I'm probably not the best person to comment but my kids come in and out of my room in the morning if they want to and I wouldn't want to be fooling around if they were likely to hear, I couldn't enjoy it.

Nothing really that should change the question - are men reasonable to expect sex when teens getting ready for school (they will know why its suddenly locked and I am not up and about fixing hot drinks, breakfast etc)

Maybe we should stop getting up all days to make it less obvious. I doubt he would be okay with me lying in all days and letting them get their own bfast and things either tho. Id be lazy then.

I think this is where people in normal relationships don't understand the reality of abusive ones.

OP clearly didn't feel she could just brush this off. She said that she'd said she'd be happy to join in once the kids were off to school.

She feels like this in a marriage that has teenaged kids. How does he not realise this by now? Why does he think so little of her needs that he's making this request rather than wait a couple of hours when he knows she'd be receptive?

This is why doors are lockable

Sorry for not being psychic