To refuse Hs attempt at sex at 6.30 on a week day morning when High School DC about to wake in their nearby rooms

[NobodysGirl]

I get up at 6.30 and get breakfast and stuff for DC to leave at 7.30 (High school), their alarm goes at 6.30 too and rarely they do saunter in if the door were unlocked- but even otherwise the rooms are all close by and they would be up and about and this is more embarrassing now that they are grown and would easily have guessed.

Found it disgusting and a turn off and annoyed with H

Especially as he knew I would have been willing after they had left for a lie in as we both wfh and have the whole place to ourselves and full privacy till late evening when they are back.

Is this a fetish that emerges in couples in 40s and 50s to pounce and try it on at inappropriate times? Does it keep men from getting bored to be risque than safe.

Not having it.

If anyone's mindset when her husband tries it on with her is that he was doing it for the (basically adult) children's benefit needs therapy. It's really normal to wake up wanting sex, it's very abnormal to assume he was doing it for his own children's benefit in some way.

Sounds like the OP and also you have deep rooted issues

Also OP babying your sons won't stop them having sex, but it will make for a terrible experience for their future partners if you continue to indulge them in this way.

Hardly 😂
He woke up with the horn (very very normal)... she had cuddled him so he probably took that as a nice signal to make a move.

He didn't flipping stand the (almost adult) children to attention to sit down with a cup of tea and watch.

I don't particularly like sex in the house with the kids either... I don't find it overly relaxing. But plenty of people do it / have no time without kids in the house.

I genuinely think there are bigger issue shere that a flipping 17yo can't make a bowl of cereal for himself and will instead "holler" for his mother to come and sort it out.

Sorry, did op mention the DH calling the young adult children in the room to spectate? Because if not, that is a really bizarre interpretation.

No, she suggested he wanted to have sex so the children would hear and know he was Alpha male.

It's weird you'd think ypur husband found booking a fetish because the kids are in the house. Y'all screamers or something? The fact that that is where your mind went...

IMO, you're Lucky to have a DH who finds you attractive enough to want you first thing in the morning ;) It's Your right to say no obviously, just remember they have feelings too, so say no, but let him down gently, but maybe suggest a later time?

I'm torn here, basically you were absolutely within your right, but also BU

You can have sex whenever you want. But I suspect this man is trying to lay down the law. As the man of the house
and even would enjoy getting caught.
And to show he is still virile and sexual.

If you don't want the children wandering into your bedroom. Why do you not lock the bedroom door?

I am a man and you should have the right to refuse sec at any time. Toxic relationship if you don't feel you can say no

I want to stand up for the OP as I think she was being unfairly tested - the DH likely was feeling perky (fun!) but his timing was completely inconsiderate and her rejection understandable. For him, he might be feeling that his desires currently take secondplace over family life but I also think he may possibly enjoy seeing (or even be the cause of) his wife being delayed and disadvantaged by his supposedly superior needs? I see his behacviour as being a form of childish manipulation and coercive control. Good luck OP xx

I'd be hinting at waiting until they've left for school. Don't turn him down... Just take your time flirting and hinting. He probably hasn't registered this possibility...

After reading both posts I think your rude, nasty and very disrespectful about your dh and hopefully one day he will open his eyes and see that. I would never say any of what you've been saying. And tbh not quite sure why your kids don't sort themselves in the morning they are more than old enough even our 11 year old makes scrambled eggs and toast every morning for himself. Clearly this relationship means nothing to you no need to keep belittling the guy, it's pretty sad that he counts days 10 since he last had sex so clearly your not into it.

Oh no.. the problem she has is her hubby being a massive perve! Knowing your teens are listening? Sorry no!

I don't understand why it's such a big deal to you....Enjoy before you get too old and knackered...

If the kids are "listening in" then it is they who are the perves, not the husband wanting to have sex with his wife at 6.30am when people are getting up in their own rooms and hopefully not pressing their ears to their parents door in the hope of hearing something. In any case OP declined the offer if sex (as is her right), and there wasn't a problem until she started accusing him (quite incorrectly) of having a fetish and insisting he apologise for being disrespectful (which he wasn't).

The problem here is not the DH hoping for sex, nor OP declining. It is her ridiculous reaction of saying he has a fetish and that he was being disrespectful, and her starting a fight about it.

Yoi know him better than she does eh?

@frostypalms should she put a collar on them also?

Please ignorance if found out.

I’m the sort who has highlighted small flaws and believe me when I say its.got me nowhere in life.

if the fault could become bigger then I would definitely tell.

Is your home town Stepford?

I’m with you OP but probably for different reasons. Firstly you were definitely not horny … and he was. He’s counting days on how long it is since you last had sex - I can’t think of much more of a turn off than sexual coercion. You’re not there to service his sexual needs. If he’s horny he can have a wank! Sex should be about so much more than getting off. It shouldn’t start in bed. It should be 24/7 in the way that your partner treats you, cares for you, flirts with you, supports you as a person… makes you feel wanted. That’s sexy! You don’t have to be his cum bucket …

i have read all your comments and realise there’s a bigger back story of issues. Do I retract my comment; it sounds like it wasn’t the right time and no one should have sex when they feel uncomfortable, if he’s counting the days between and making it known, he’s definitely mentioning it to you and pressuring you which smacks of a subtle coercion at least. I can across an awful thread here where a young mum is giving into sex so her husband doesn’t rape her ( and her raped her even when 8 months pregnant). It’s prob one of the worst threads I’ve read on here. Also comments that you should be grateful he wants you and that he might look else where smack of misogyny. And this is sadly from fellow females. Apologies for my original post snd I send you solidarity.

I think I would rather he look elsewhere (at least I felt that way that morning in frustration) , after 25 years of servicing his needs. Rather than have sex with teens up and about in the morning, no thanks, sorry.

In the context of a normal loving relationship it could be easily forgotten and just have sex when you are comfortable. But it just seems it’s either his way or no way. Your H wouldn’t be counting the days he didn’t have sex if it was me, it would be years! He’s not a nice person and I think you sadly know this :(

Have you spoken to a solicitor and started proceedings for a divorce?

Not in my book, under those circumstances. If the teens don’t get their own breakfast as a rule, there’s little doubt they’d be looking for you.
I would have been a bit more tactful or reasonable with telling him no…it’s not something I’d be upset about, not angry anyway, but you do you.

I don't see why being a BAME family would be relevant, no. And you were must wait until they 18 earlier, not hope they wait.

I notice you ignored the second part of my post though. Why are you not parenting them by helping them become fully functioning adults?