To refuse Hs attempt at sex at 6.30 on a week day morning when High School DC about to wake in their nearby rooms

[NobodysGirl]

I get up at 6.30 and get breakfast and stuff for DC to leave at 7.30 (High school), their alarm goes at 6.30 too and rarely they do saunter in if the door were unlocked- but even otherwise the rooms are all close by and they would be up and about and this is more embarrassing now that they are grown and would easily have guessed.

Found it disgusting and a turn off and annoyed with H

Especially as he knew I would have been willing after they had left for a lie in as we both wfh and have the whole place to ourselves and full privacy till late evening when they are back.

Is this a fetish that emerges in couples in 40s and 50s to pounce and try it on at inappropriate times? Does it keep men from getting bored to be risque than safe.

Not having it.

It's not really something to focus on, it's fine to want to have sex, it's fine to not want sex.

If a teenager guess their parents have sex-whats bad about that?

It's all about how you communicated with him. If this was my DH, I would make a quip of saying like, sounds like we're going to have some fun when the kids leave in half an hour, with a wink and then all would have been well. If you pushed him off saying "don't be an idiot, the kids are next door, is this some kind of weird fetish" then that's a total rejection and I'm not surprised if he took it badly!

Not unreasonable to decline sex... but you're sounding pretty unreasonable about the situation, it's quite normal!

Lets all wait for a dip feed on how hes abusive or something else along the lines.
Its well known on MN when the OP cant get anyone to agree with them, they seem to come back with some made up BS.

I use to have sex in the mornings with an ex because we had different work times and i just want to sleep at night.
Not a fetish if i said no that was that no drama.

Right?? Lol

No-one thinks the OP is crazy for not wanting morning sex 😳

You're massively missing the whole 'fetish' thing, which is fairly crazy.

He wanted sex.

She didn't.

No fetish involved.

were there teens getting ready for school nearby ? like why not wait half hour?

I wouldn’t be interested in sex if teenagers are getting up…my DS (17) would burst in if he couldn’t find his gym shorts, a book, etc. He’s generally good at knocking but not when he’s getting ready for school!

it’s not a fetish though, he’s just interested.

It’s simple - you can deny consent anytime.

Anyone can refuse sex for any reason, that goes without saying.

Although I don't think it's reasonable to refer to wanting to have sex with your spouse in the morning as a fetish.

There is obviously a hell of a lot more at play here.

Why can't you get a lock on your door?

Without a lock then I do not think that you are being unreasonable because you wouldn't want them just walking into your room.

Your kids will know about sex if they are in high school so it is normal to expect their parents to have sex

Did you say hey lets wait a half hour let the teens get out first.
I recommend a lock for your door as teens should not be walking in to your room without knocking.

I dont know hard to say, they are 15-17 and , I do hope they wait till they are 18 plus and at uni at the very least before having sex , and with someone they are in a good relationship with yada yada

but we cant wait 30 mins till they are out the door? really it's that urgent after 25 years of doing it? I still don't get it, I own the YABU though.

He woke up with the horn OP, that's it. You pretty much insulted him for it.

You just say let's get the kids off first. Then get in with your day.

Has your husband never wanted sex in the morning before? What makes this so unusual?

Anyway, there's nothing wrong with him wanting it as long as he takes no for an answer. And there would be nothing wrong with you saying yes or no. Obviously if your kids are close by you would want to be quiet about it, but there's nothing inherently wrong with having sex with your husband first thing in the morning!

Are you seriously worried that your teenaged kids might walk into your room when the door is closed? If so, you obviously haven't trained them right! When my kids were young we taught them never to walk into a closed room but to knock and wait for a response. When they were young we would lock the door just in case, but once they were older there was no need for that.

Like you and the OP I probably wouldn't want sex at that time either. As many many posters have said, she is not wrong to not want sex. What is wrong is telling her husband it is a fetish and implying it is a perversion.

Fetish as in I meant like = stay out, I am not opening the door to your knock, asking for breakfast as I am in bed with your mother - she's my wife before she is your mum , and I am the alpha male of the house BS.

Maybe I did overreact. I asked him if he wanted lunch after seeing all your responses

No I wouldn’t be interested when the teens were at home when for the sake of 30 minutes they’d be out the house.

To be so angry is unreasonable. Him sulking is also unreasonable.

I am 100% with you OP!! Why, if you can both just wait an hour, would you not want to do it without hearing your teenagers banging around and most likely shouting “muuuum where’s my…..”.

utter weirdoes!

Yes when the kids were younger it was fine, as even if they knocked and were turned away, they would not guess and blush and be awkward (and disgusted looking)

Or yes, its fine in the mornings if 4am , 5am before they wake

or yes its fine in the mornings if kids are sleeping in on sat and sun

yes totally fine 24/7 before we had kids the first 6 whole years

flimsy door, flimsy chain to lock it, very obvious reason, sound audible , I dont get it

Does he have these kinds of alpha male beliefs? If so, that would also be a massive turn off for me

Teen sons.....

Blimey

He just wanted a bit of morning sex, I don't imagine for a second his mind went to anything like the places yours has.

1st post nails it (unlike the OP's DH)

No…but that’s a very petulant reaction.