To refuse Hs attempt at sex at 6.30 on a week day morning when High School DC about to wake in their nearby rooms

[NobodysGirl]

I get up at 6.30 and get breakfast and stuff for DC to leave at 7.30 (High school), their alarm goes at 6.30 too and rarely they do saunter in if the door were unlocked- but even otherwise the rooms are all close by and they would be up and about and this is more embarrassing now that they are grown and would easily have guessed.

Found it disgusting and a turn off and annoyed with H

Especially as he knew I would have been willing after they had left for a lie in as we both wfh and have the whole place to ourselves and full privacy till late evening when they are back.

Is this a fetish that emerges in couples in 40s and 50s to pounce and try it on at inappropriate times? Does it keep men from getting bored to be risque than safe.

Not having it.

they genuinely do forget sometimes that 'old people' still have sex

But I do find it quite odd behaviour. If it was 6am and they woke up early sure. But right at the time the whole house is about to go into getting ready mode? What perfect teens do you know that won’t be shouting “mum where’s my” and need help shoving them out the door?

Doesn’t really sound sex-inducing environment to me 😅

Still a weird take OP.

You know your kids probably know all about sex now anyway, don't you. Get a lock for the door.

Why do one of you have to be 'wrong', why is this all so loaded?

Just communicate.

Yeah but it's still no a fetish, is it?

It's nothing to do with sex. They should have been taught that you don't enter a closed room!

Not implying that our spouses are creepy deviants for trying it on in the privacy of our own bedrooms doesn’t make us weird, Miss Priss

I would have said no in these circumstances, however the way you describe his advances is unreasonable IMO.

I know it's all a bit extreme the over analysing and thinking he was being 'alpha'.

Sounds like he's been shamed enough to try that one again. Maybe next time he'll have a quick wank once she's up and out of the way?

The background matters because this is a symptom of a decaying marriage.

YANBU to say no to sex.

YABU to accuse him of having a fetish or to be angry at him for asking.

HIBU if he's sulking because you turned him down for sex.
HINBU if he is upset by your reaction, and your ridiculous accusations of him having a fetish.

Your original question was were you unreasonable to refuse, and of course the answer is no. You can refuse at any time for any (or no) reason, and hopefully he accepts that.

But, no, your husband isn't weird or a deviant for wanting to have sex with his wife.

I wouldn't want to either but I think if someone actually did have a fetish about being heard or interrupted by teenagers that would be a real safeguarding concern, so I can understand why he would be upset being accused of that. Presumably he just thought the risk was low enough or you have a lockable door? Or does he have a history of inappropriate behaviour?

okay thanks , agree

Did he actually say any of those things?? Because otherwise it seems like a mad leap to say that him coming on to his own wife, granted at a bit of an inconvenient time, means chest thumping gorilla "I am the alpha male of the house, fuck off kids, I control everything".

If you didn't want sex at all - fine, but it's not a fetish to bid for it (until it becomes proper sex pest stuff all the time and sulking)

If you wanted sex, just later - you need to communicate - "looks like someone's getting lucky when the kids leave the house...don't go anywhere"

God your poor DH. You have made him feel like a freak for waking up in the morning and fancying a quickie. He was horny and wanted to know if you were up for it? So what? And sometimes when you wake up horny you kind of just want the spontaneity of doing it now not scheduling it for half an hours time when its 'more convenient'.

I think you are not being unreasonable to not be up for it when the kids are getting up and about. If I am honest, I am not sure I would have been completely on board with that either.

But saying you found it disgusting and getting annoyed at your DH and saying he has a fetish because he did is pretty shitty OP.

According to him , it is shocking that we had not done 'it' for ten WHOLE days. Our average age is 50, with him almost mid 50s.

Is 10 days really that unreasonable that we pounce when kids getting ready. why not last night then after kids gone to bed then as 9 days is shocking too surely.

okay whatever lol - coming on here helped

I don’t think it’s a fetish probably just morning wood. At his age that’s an indicator of good health.

Neither of you are wrong but accusing him of having a fetish is a bit wild.

YANBU, but for a man 0630 is a good time as he gets horny first thing and in the case of ED he will be harder.

Lucky you to have a DH who desires you.

unlucky him to have a DW who sneers at him

Maybe he wasn't horny last night. The fact is he was horny first thing this morning. Nothing wrong with that.

Well there is my other thread where PP are telling me to LTB, but I wanted today to be judged on its own merits. Perhaps context is everything ...I don't know anymore.

It's never unreasonable to decline sex for any reason, but your language is pretty revealing. "Disgusting"? "Fetish"? Do you actually like your husband?

Except.. her day begins at 6:30 - so what he was actually doing was trying to assert his ownership of her over the children's needs - which forgets that if she has a 15 minute quickie now, she's 15 minutes behind on everything she normally does that morning. It is a dominance thing.

My ex used to do that - he'd literally come to bed at 11:30, or try to stop me getting up at 6am, knowing that I was asleep by 10:30 because I'd be up at 6 the next morning with the kids (he wouldn't get up until I was on the way out the door with them at 8) - he'd wake me up for sex, and wonder why I wasn't happy about being woken up (not least because he would fall asleep straight after, leaving me to clean up).

I'd suggest him coming up earlier, or that we spend time together once I was back from the school run, but he only wanted it on his terms.

It was an act of domination, that he got first dibs on my time, and also a complete lack of care that I also needed sleep because he didn't do anything with the kids.

😂