Best friend seems uninterested in her toddler?

[ready4gardneing]

My best friend seems to of lost interest in her toddler and I find her behaviour quite unsettling but wanted some input on my thoughts.

She works part time and has her child in nursery on those days, she also has the child in a day extra in on her day off so she can relax at home etc.

She split with her DC's father when DC was a few months old and the dad has the DC every other weekend.

About 6 weeks ago she started seeing a guy and she says it's quite serious now and they both really like each other.

He has me her DC once when she was unable to find childcare, but he didn't stay over and this was when her DC was in bed for the night.

She rarely spends any time with her DC as even on the weekends when the DC isn't with the dad she will leave her DC with her parents (or ask others including myself) so she can have her boyfriend over.

She seems quite short tempered and fed up with DC now and get frustrated easily with her DC.

When I went to drop her DC back to hers the other day she got her DC out of the car and left her DC to just wonder on behind her (her DC has a habit of running off) and considering they live off a road I was abit shocked.

On the days she see's her boyfriend she will keep DC in the house in a playpen playing so she can get herself ready etc before DC gets picked up.

Before we would both do a lot of activities with her DC and my kids (similar age) but that has all stopped now.

I completely understand she has the right to a life etc but it just seems she has lost interest as all she talks about is her new boyfriend.

She has asked if her DC can come away with me, DH and our DC next weekend for Easter and I have declined no it would be too much with 3 young toddlers to look after.

I can't help but feel sorry for her DC as there dosent seem to be stability anymore.

Maybe I am being too harsh?
AIBU?

In our area HV stop being involved when the child turns 5.

She asked me if I could babysit this weekend and I declined.
I will be stepping back from the friendship, I just hope her son will be OK.

She's really changed, turned very arrogant.
She told me "XYZ (her man) is a gangster and I'm his girl and if XYZ (ex) keeps fucking with me he will get dealt with".

It’s alright saying step away but op sounds genuinely concerned about the child and with good reason. I wouldn’t want anything to do with this pathetic excuse for a mother either but I would be very worried about the child involved. If everyone just stops refusing to have him then the chances are he’ll be stuck with his mother and her ‘gangsta’ boyfriend. I feel so sorry for him and really hope this doesn’t turn out to be another one of those horrific stories in the news about a new bf harming their partners child.

Op by all means step back, it isn’t your responsibility. But please don’t forget about the innocent child in all of this. He sounds like he needs people looking out for him more than ever.

I really do hope that the Father takes action OP, as it would seem clear that the Mother of this poor little boy is going to put everything above him, in favour of her gangsta boyfriend. How old is she to be impressed by dating a gangster, 14? She sounds really pathetic.

A bit of positive news, she has reduced her son's nursery days from 3 days a week to 2 days.

The father will now have their son once a week In the weekday instead of going to nursery and every other weekend.

It is a start I guess.

She mentioned that the father is keen for even more days in the week and she is thinking about it.

She text me a picture earlier of a dinner she had cooked for them both.
I can't help but think this will end very badly.

She only works 2 days a week ( half a day) and the rest of the week she will barely leave the house (sends me pics & regular updates on what she is doing via WhatsApp).

Im not suggesting she is on drugs for one minute but her whole behaviour has changed and it does make me wonder.

Before she would be out the house every day doing something but now she will literally just be in the house with him.
They don't even go on dates anymore just get drunk in the house (at times with her son there).

Her mum has said she is grateful for my support and our shared concerns.

I thought they had split-up?

Is it back on again?

OMG! I'm sorry to read your latest update OP, it sounds really worrying, as my DD got involved with a guy like this and ended up losing her kids, and her life is now all about drugs and booze. Makes me really sad.

So very sad and sadly, I can see it going this way with OPs friend!

Ask the middle classers who use full time nurseries when they last spent a full day with their children. It was probably Sunday, then the next one is the coming Saturday.

She has asked me to babysit over the weekend and I have agreed - only because I want to see if her son is OK.

By the sounds of it, he is regularly staying over.

She told me the neighbours have been complaining about the noise and is worried about being reported for benefit fraud.

Maybe because they are working not taking drugs with their gangsta boyfriend who has already admitted he doesn’t like the child.

Fair!

Im glad youre having him, though of course you shouldn't have to. Its so insane how she isnt just letting the father have the little boy extra days! I hope he takes her to mediation/court.