Best friend seems uninterested in her toddler?

[ready4gardneing]

My best friend seems to of lost interest in her toddler and I find her behaviour quite unsettling but wanted some input on my thoughts.

She works part time and has her child in nursery on those days, she also has the child in a day extra in on her day off so she can relax at home etc.

She split with her DC's father when DC was a few months old and the dad has the DC every other weekend.

About 6 weeks ago she started seeing a guy and she says it's quite serious now and they both really like each other.

He has me her DC once when she was unable to find childcare, but he didn't stay over and this was when her DC was in bed for the night.

She rarely spends any time with her DC as even on the weekends when the DC isn't with the dad she will leave her DC with her parents (or ask others including myself) so she can have her boyfriend over.

She seems quite short tempered and fed up with DC now and get frustrated easily with her DC.

When I went to drop her DC back to hers the other day she got her DC out of the car and left her DC to just wonder on behind her (her DC has a habit of running off) and considering they live off a road I was abit shocked.

On the days she see's her boyfriend she will keep DC in the house in a playpen playing so she can get herself ready etc before DC gets picked up.

Before we would both do a lot of activities with her DC and my kids (similar age) but that has all stopped now.

I completely understand she has the right to a life etc but it just seems she has lost interest as all she talks about is her new boyfriend.

She has asked if her DC can come away with me, DH and our DC next weekend for Easter and I have declined no it would be too much with 3 young toddlers to look after.

I can't help but feel sorry for her DC as there dosent seem to be stability anymore.

Maybe I am being too harsh?
AIBU?

@ThejoyofNC- If I was single I wouldn't want to date until the kids were over 18.

I have just seen so many stories about kids being murdered by their father/mother's new partner.
For me it would be to much of a risk to take.

She text me saying she feels like her old self again and how much of a fun weekend they are having drinking an having a laugh at her house.

Her ex is a nice guy and they broke up because he caught her doing something he found was inappropriate, apparently she was talking to other men and sending them sexy pics on social media a few months after the birth.

who told you this version? Does he ever see his child?

@Walksspecial
She said she was sending guy friends pics of her belly as a joke or something and her ex found them and got the wrong idea and found it "inappropriate" and they broke up when the baby was a few months old.

The father went though court and had the child every other weekend.

He wants 50/50 but she doesn't want that as she feels "he has won", she hates that he has the child every other weekend and if it was down to her there would be no contact between the father and son.

This is the very first reply to a thread about a mother who's so wrapped up in her new boyfriend that she's not even helping her toddler cross the road safely. People are so terrified by the thought of a mother being judged that they've lost all perspective.

So he wanted more
but the court decided to only give him EOW?
and you believe the ex’s version over your best friend’s?

In fact, I have read every single one of your posts and there is absolutely Nothing to indicate you like her. In fact, can you think of anything positive to say about her at all?

The father went though court and had the child every other weekend.
He wants 50/50

but the court refused him 50/50 by the look of it. I wonder why

But that's exactly what the pp said:

I don’t even think parents should be dating until kids are teenagers

I don’t know why you’re getting a pile on OP

@Heynow87 She's not really. Have you even seen a pile on on here? Post after post ripping an OP to shreds.

I'd say the vast majority of responses are sharing the OP's concerns.

OP?

plus I’m curious if you can name one single positive characteristic of your “best friend” because the entire thread has been a catalogue of all the reasons you don’t like her

Unnecessary. Plenty of people have close, long-time friends who they care about deeply, but when they start going down a bad path, you're concerned. That doesn't mean you suddenly hate them.

Unfair?

every single post together paints a picture of a pretty despicable sounding person. I’m curious whether the op can pluck out one positive trait about her best friend.

i also found it interesting the op is very clearly on the side of the ex. The ex who went to court wanting 50/50 supposedly but was only heated EOW by the court - for which there’ll be a reason.

Most depressed people don’t spend their weekends with a new squeeze. She was fine before the boyfriend. I had 3 children when I devoured and started dating. I put my children first.

Or, she could just get a bad mother. There’s plenty of them around.

Who or what did you devour?

I think you know what I meant.

My DC and I couldn't spend a full day with each other when they were around 3-4. I'd planned to homeschool until 5 but they went into a nursery which they adored because otherwise I think one of us would've murdered the other!

As they got older we were okay to spend half terms and holidays together but actually we both greatly enjoyed the return to school and routine. We did love our time together after school and during holidays but we just started to get on each others nerves after a while.

It does sound like your friend is desperate to have some time alone with her BF but the rest doesn't sound like bad parenting. If you think she's doing dangerous things like leaving him alone whilst she goes out, contact the nursery and let them know. If you know she has done, ring 999 without question and don't get involved yourself.

Jesus she’s literally prepared to abuse her child and stop him having a relationship with his dad! Sorry OP but she’s totally toxic, involve social services even if anonymously if you see anymore neglect. Not watching a young child close to a road is really concerning.

Wtaf! Ignore anyone being rude to you OP. I’d have all the same worries and being asked to take her child on your family Easter weekend, what!! Because she can’t be bothered and doesn’t want to be with her own child :( This is so, so sad.

Im a single parent with no family nearby and would NEVER ask or expect a friend to do all you’re doing for her.

Your gut is telling you this is very, very wrong. She’s at best neglecting her own child and is resentful of her for being a normal little girl. Having her boyfriend of 6 weeks around her small girl is alarming also.

She sounds a complete selfish idiot honestly and really needs a smack of reality. It’s a shame her parents haven’t stepped in and voiced worries. It’s tricky for you as you don’t want to risk having all contact with the poor child stopped.

She needs to grow the fuck up. I’m sick of reading depression when it’s just neglect so she can go play happy families with her boyfriend and shirk her responsibilities and pretend she’s not got a child. Disgusting really. Depression can’t be turned on or off and also isn’t a good enough excuse for her to not be caring for her own poor little child.

I think you know I was joking.

How selfish, when she doesn't want the child around anyway! She has him the two days he isn't in nursery so letting dad have Saturday/Sunday each week leaving her free to see her fancy man you'd think everyone would be happy 😩

As someone who is dyslexic, although this was an autocorrect mistake, I never correct people’s spelling or grammar.

So she doesn't want the poor child but she doesn't want the ex to have him because then he'll have won?
She's constantly trying to palm the child off on you and is no longer interested in doing anything together with the kids because all she's interested in is the new bloke.

I'd be stepping away from the friendship tbh as she just sounds selfish and horrible. Poor kid being palmed off on anyone who will have him.

Ok.

I am quite close to her mum and she is a wonderful person and she has been in contact with me this afternoon with her concerns.

Basically for safety reasons (in case anything ever happened) her mum has access to my friend's Ring door bell and get's alerts.

She said from what she has seen today of my friend's new man she is abit concerned.

Apparently he appeared drunk/high as he was arguing with some unknown guy who had come to the door and it almost turned physical until my friend came out and had to calm him down.

He then sped off.

He has been in and out all day of my friend's house and suspects he may be up to no good.

He hasn't met my friends's son, he just came round one night when he was asleep and then left in the middle of the night, this was when her childcare arrangements fell through.

I am seeing her tomorrow and will get more a feel of things then.

Oh dear. Might be an SS job. Doubt they'll do anything at this early stage but might be good to have this on their radar.

How about putting in a Claire's Law request, see if this guy has a history of abuse? Not sure if concerned friends can do it, her mother probably can