SIL thinks I have over reacted banning her from my house

[Happyhorse222]

I have recently taken on a potentially dangerous horse. My horses are stabled at my home.

SIL and her daughter (10) come round regularly to see my horses. Anyway...they came round yesterday evening. In weeks prior everyone has been aware I am taking this horse in to see if I can get him to any fit state or if I will need to retire him to the field.

I specifically told SIL to let me know when she arrives as I will come out as the horse is currently stabled and I need to be in there with her and my niece to supervise at all times while she says hello to the other horses and I told her with no doubt whatsoever YOU DO NOT GO NEAR NEW HORSE OR NEAR HIS STABLE AS HE IS POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS AND HAVING A SETTLING IN PERIOD. She has a form for not listening to me previously- like my Shetland bites, nope they decided he looked too cute to so went and pet him and he bit. Or no you cannot ride my horse because he isn't a novice ride, to her continuously standing with her daughter saying just let her on him, you're being mean, isn't your auntie mean. No, I just don't want your child to fall off and hurt themselves badly?

You can then imagine how it went next. SIL didn't let me know on her arrival and niece walked past stable popped her head in and new horse kicked the door and went down for a bite at her hair.

She came out screaming at me. I asked her to politely leave the stables and my house and not to come back until she could follow clear instructions not putting her daughter in danger.

My husband is completely on my side but his mother has been on the phone saying I have ruined his nieces experience with horses and I need to allow her back to save her confidence with horses.

I have said absolutely fuck off basically until they can actually listen to me around my animals and my property and now his mother, sister and my niece are DISTRAUGHT.

There’s no arguing with stupid!

Nope you have done the right thing!

Your niece's confidence with horses isn't your responsibility. Safety comes first and I don't blame you here.

You’ve 100% done the right thing!

God what a nightmare

Yanbu in the slightest

You are protecting her child and your horse. Ignore their batshittery.

I don't think you have any other choice here. You have to protect your niece and the animals and it looks like there's no other way.
Can you lock relevant doors and gates?
You may want to explain to your niece directly, as it's obviously not her fault. In a couple of years when she can get around on her own a little, and text you, she can build her own relationship with you and your animals.

Surely your niece would have more confidence around horses if she was only around safe horses, e.g. following your instructions?

It's her bloody mother that isn't safe. Not the horses.

This is textbook ‘fuck around and find out.’ She decided she’d do what she wanted and also allow her daughter to do whatever she wanted. It’s not your horse’s job to act as a therapy horse for a spoiled child who can’t respect very basic rules when visiting someone else’s home and stables. Your SIL can cope & seethe IMO.

She's lucky she doesn't have broken bones or worse.

Yeah, they're dumb as rocks. Keep them banned before they really get hurt and blame you.

Of course you’re well within your rights, horses are large and they can kill people. Bit of a reach I know but it’s possible.
You don’t want them stressed either never mind what the sil or daughter want what about the horses wellbeing do they not consider that important?

I hope you told MIL that SIL had very clear instructions and so she is to blame. You have no control of the horse’s behaviour. Responsibility is fully on her and you have done the right thing as they cannot behave safely around your animals. They can go and pester someone else’s horses and see what happens then

Bloody cheek to go into your stables without even checking in with you first, particularly after specifically telling them too. Perhaps niece needed a bit of a scare she seems over confident if anything and that could have ended much worse. I would think it better if they took her to a petting place with nice docile horses to restore her confidence rather than back at yours with the dangerous horse.

Yes, I know from having them, that a scatty horse needs careful handling. 🤷‍♀️

Your SIL should have listened, but if you’ve got a calm horse/pony, it might be nice if your niece could regain her confidence.

I'd ban SIL but not your niece. If she likes horses and is well behaved/listens to you then she should still be allowed to come over. I would, if you can, talk to her directly about what happened to help her not develop a fear of horses.

It sounds like the pair of them got what they deserved. Frankly, if your niece was less confident with horses it would do her good. It would stop her pestering to ride horses beyond her capabilities for a start. Horses are big strong dangerous animals with teeth and hooves and people need to remember this.

It's a bit like with my dog, she is a rescue and would never bite anyone to draw blood, but when we had not long had her if someone went in too quickly, perhaps stroking her when she was asleep on her bed, she might give a nip. Unfortunately some people don't listen.

The entire family are well, well aware I have nothing suitable for her. They are too big and bouncy. I have the comment of well they behave fine for you. Yes, because I have 20 years experience and even then sometimes they don't behave for me 😂

Tell the MIL that as the SIL won't keep her DD safe and puts her at risk you are having to enforce this boundary for the child's safety.

YANBU

If only your SIL and MIL cared about your niece as much as you do...

My DSis owns/runs a stable. Any person - family or client - would be permanently banned if they did not follow safety instructions.

I’d never let them back. SiL can arrange riding lessons/experiences elsewhere if she feels it is necessary to re-acclimatise her DD to horses… but, essentially, if they disregard instructions at other people’s stables the family would be blacklisted. It puts the horses and humans at risk and the owners at huge litigation risk. Stuff that. Don’t fold!

I work at a school and we have this sometimes. People are idiots. You say a million times not to do something but they don't listen.

We had a woman bitten who complained, despite being told by no less than 3 staff members not to approach a particular horse as he was suffering from an injury, on stall rest and was, understandably, very cranky.

There were signs up, it's on your booking confirmation not to approach any horse without a member of staff. There was a literal exclusion zone painted outside his stable. I had 6 year old children who understood 'don't walk in the yellow box or he will bite you.'

You can't reason with stupid.

People are weird about horses - because they consider them a “familiar animal” they don’t realise how dangerous they can be.