SIL thinks I have over reacted banning her from my house

[Happyhorse222]

I have recently taken on a potentially dangerous horse. My horses are stabled at my home.

SIL and her daughter (10) come round regularly to see my horses. Anyway...they came round yesterday evening. In weeks prior everyone has been aware I am taking this horse in to see if I can get him to any fit state or if I will need to retire him to the field.

I specifically told SIL to let me know when she arrives as I will come out as the horse is currently stabled and I need to be in there with her and my niece to supervise at all times while she says hello to the other horses and I told her with no doubt whatsoever YOU DO NOT GO NEAR NEW HORSE OR NEAR HIS STABLE AS HE IS POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS AND HAVING A SETTLING IN PERIOD. She has a form for not listening to me previously- like my Shetland bites, nope they decided he looked too cute to so went and pet him and he bit. Or no you cannot ride my horse because he isn't a novice ride, to her continuously standing with her daughter saying just let her on him, you're being mean, isn't your auntie mean. No, I just don't want your child to fall off and hurt themselves badly?

You can then imagine how it went next. SIL didn't let me know on her arrival and niece walked past stable popped her head in and new horse kicked the door and went down for a bite at her hair.

She came out screaming at me. I asked her to politely leave the stables and my house and not to come back until she could follow clear instructions not putting her daughter in danger.

My husband is completely on my side but his mother has been on the phone saying I have ruined his nieces experience with horses and I need to allow her back to save her confidence with horses.

I have said absolutely fuck off basically until they can actually listen to me around my animals and my property and now his mother, sister and my niece are DISTRAUGHT.

Grew up on a farm surrounded by animals, including horses, and machinery. Anyone who couldn't follow simple safety instructions was bluntly told to fuck off by DF. No second chance given.

For fuck's sake, SIL is a candidate for a Darwin award. Riding instructor here, and furious at her on your behalf. It wouldn't have taken much of a difference for that kick or that bite to have given her child a brain injury that she may never recover fully from. SIL is an EXTRA special type of moron if, having witnessed that, she still thinks you're just being mean.

Even Princess Anne, a woman with a lifetime's experience of horses, had quite a serious injury, which could have been much worse.

You were trying to make sure your niece and the horse were safe, it could have been a lot worse so they were lucky.

I think your emotions are high at the moment, I’d leave it a few days and if your SIL hasn’t reached out to you Maybe your DH can text her and clearly explain (again) why you told her what to do when she arrived and she didn’t so until she can follow the rules (and apologise) then she isn’t to be near the horses. Your MIL can just keep her boat out, ignore her.

This is what happens when people can't say no to their children. I bet the sister in law was never told no either. 🙄

i’d suggest SIL has ruined her DDs experience of horses, not you, by not listening.

I would ask your mil why she thinks she can / should give consent for her Gd to be injured, quite possibly very seriously.
Ask her is she also encouraged her gd to walk in front of fast moving cars or stroke barking dogs .

You definitely are not been unreasonable in telling them you are not allowed back .

I worked at a livery yard for many years and we had a few problem horses , we had black and yellow hatching outside their stables, very large DO NOT APPROACH signs on the doors
The amount of people that said aww but s/he gets no attention they just need a cuddle .
Quite a few got bitten !

I can’t believe your SIL cares so little about her own daughters safety. It’s appalling. OP, you did the right thing.

I don't know why but the Darwin Awards just popped into my head 🤣

funny you should say that, but i have had exactly that happen me - a small child homed in on my nervous rescue, cheerfully encouraged by her mum, despite my 'please don't!'s. The only damage done was to my pride as my dog reacted exactly as i expected and bundled off down the road in panic with me desperately clinging on to her.

That level of parental optimism is bad enough with dogs, it boggles my mind anyone would play fast & loose with their dcs safety around a horse.

YAObviouslyNBU.

If you like your niece, I would invite her back "to improve her confidence with horses" but not her mother. Just say completely frankly that her mother endangered her daughter's life and your horses' safety. That her lack of respect for your authority in the barn means she is too dangerous to have around your horses so is no longer allowed on the property at all, but her daughter is welcome to come round at X time if she'd like to and you will supervise and help her learn how to behave around such powerful animals. I wouldn't give the mother another chance unless at some point in the future she approaches you and shows that she's realised how stupid and unfair her actions were in a way that you believe.

‘MIL, it is not sensible or safe for vulnerable creatures to be around unpredictable, dangerous, untrained animals. You are free to assume that the former are your dd & dgd, & the latter is my horse. Opinions on that may vary. Either way, dsil is banned from my property for the foreseeable future.’

How's the horse?
🍏🥕

It's quite mean really, a horse can't tell you that you're making it nervous or that it needs some space. It's reliant on people following instructions for everyone's safety.

Some people really are just too stupid to comprehend. No doubt it would have been all your fault when something went wrong.

You have absolutely done the right thing! Sadly there is no cure for stupid

Send an edited version of your post on here to the sister in law where you said you explained quite clearly that they need to tell you they coming and not to go near the horse and it is their own fault that yet again they've ignored you . You suggest if niece wants to get her confidence back she goes to stables and copy your mother in law in. I'd also add she wouldn't need to get her confidence back if she didn't have a bloody stupid mother . Tell them if they visit again you will bite them.

Absolutely refuse to engage with either of them. Leave it to your dh or you will inevitably come off as The Bad Guy.

Make sure you or your husband put it in writing in some form too. So if she decides to ignore the ban and she or your niece get injured you have evidence if she tried to hold you liable.

SIL and MIL would have something to moan about if your horse had head butted your niece and knocked her teeth out or even kicked her resulting in badly broken bones, maybe even worse!

i don’t keep horses but after attending many horse related incidents where the riders were thrown and injured I do know that horses need to be approached with care.

If SIL and MIL saw some photographs of injuries caused by horses, maybe they'd realise how stupid they are to persist in thinking of them as giant teddies.

Agree with everyone else: SIL and MIL are idiots, and are setting niece up to be just the same, poor kid.

Fuck about and find out 🤷🏻‍♀️

Well done on banning the fuckwits. Of course if niece had ended up seriously injured that would be your fault.

You didnt ruin her experience with horses, her mom did. If she feels she needs more contact with horses, as you have banned her, she needs to put her hand in her pocket and pay for lessons.

Being around a horse is like driving a car, you don't fuck around, fucking around can get you killed.

You have done nothing wrong. You are correct, if they cannot follow simple instructions about your horses and how to ensure their safety around them then they cannot visit.

If anything been around unsettled and dangerous horses with chances for incident's or injury will be more damaging for the girls confidence.

They should trust you if you say you have nothing suitable. Riding an unsuitable horse is dangerous to the rider.

You need to stand firm. My MIL had a similar situation with DH's cousin, who wanted to ride and according to her aunt had "had some lessons". Mil owns several high level competition horses - one for dressage, one for jumping and one for cross country and her other 3 are severely traumatized ex and "failed" racehorses who are terrified of anyone under 5'7, cannot be walked behind, hear loud noises, touched on their back ends or tacked up by anyone other than MIL. It took MIL many many months to even get a saddle on their back and she is incredibly experienced with rehabilitating traumatised horses and does it as a job.

Your horse , your stable , your house . You did right to tell them not to return . Hope you actually did say fuck off , and I'd be telling my mil to do the same .