SIL thinks I have over reacted banning her from my house

[Happyhorse222]

I have recently taken on a potentially dangerous horse. My horses are stabled at my home.

SIL and her daughter (10) come round regularly to see my horses. Anyway...they came round yesterday evening. In weeks prior everyone has been aware I am taking this horse in to see if I can get him to any fit state or if I will need to retire him to the field.

I specifically told SIL to let me know when she arrives as I will come out as the horse is currently stabled and I need to be in there with her and my niece to supervise at all times while she says hello to the other horses and I told her with no doubt whatsoever YOU DO NOT GO NEAR NEW HORSE OR NEAR HIS STABLE AS HE IS POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS AND HAVING A SETTLING IN PERIOD. She has a form for not listening to me previously- like my Shetland bites, nope they decided he looked too cute to so went and pet him and he bit. Or no you cannot ride my horse because he isn't a novice ride, to her continuously standing with her daughter saying just let her on him, you're being mean, isn't your auntie mean. No, I just don't want your child to fall off and hurt themselves badly?

You can then imagine how it went next. SIL didn't let me know on her arrival and niece walked past stable popped her head in and new horse kicked the door and went down for a bite at her hair.

She came out screaming at me. I asked her to politely leave the stables and my house and not to come back until she could follow clear instructions not putting her daughter in danger.

My husband is completely on my side but his mother has been on the phone saying I have ruined his nieces experience with horses and I need to allow her back to save her confidence with horses.

I have said absolutely fuck off basically until they can actually listen to me around my animals and my property and now his mother, sister and my niece are DISTRAUGHT.

It sounds like your niece needs less confidence with horses rather than more, so what you’re doing in keeping her away should be a perfect solution! They don’t sound like the kind of people that are going to stay away though…

Honestly, who cares? They can bitch and moan all they like. Your property, your horses, your rules. Don't like it? Fuck off then.

If she’d been badly hurt, you may have found yourself liable especially if they denied that they’d been warned.

If you think there’s the slightest chance they’ll ignore you, I’d do two things - first write to them saying how dangerous horse is and that they don’t have any right to access your property and second put a warning notice before and on stable door. That would also protect other (fools).

Obviously keep a copy of the written warning./ text etc.

I can only imagine how they’d behave if the girl was seriously injured by one of your horses. I’m sure you have liability insurance but you’re right to not want them anywhere near your horses.

Its the SIL fault for not giving you notice she was coming / also her fault for putting her daughter in danger. Your husband's got common sense so just keep standing up for yourself against his mum and the others.

Did you remind them that you had given them clear instructions about what they should do, which they then totally ignored? Numpties.

They deserved to be banned. Absolutely thick as pigshit.
Being kicked or badly trampled is hardly going to "help her confidence" with horses!

They clearly can't be trusted. They are determined not to listen to you and label you a "spoilsport" even after a near miss. I bet if niece did get injured SIL would be very quick to point the finger of blame at you. Words fail me.

Is your nieces name Veruca Salt?

🤦‍♀️Have they never heard the saying, "Let sleeping dogs lie"? Advice that is best taken both metaphorically and literally!

Realistically, someone who doesn’t have the sense to stay away from horses that are unsafe will also be that person who insists on feeding them random stuff that they can’t have. And then will be really surprised when they get sick.

Its easier if they stay away.

FAFO!

Yanbu, your sil can pay for her to go to a pony club.

I don't know why you haven't banned them long ago tbh.

Horses aren't toys to be played with!

How bloody stupid your sister in law is. If her daughters confidence is knocked alls the better, good to learn you can’t just do what you like with random horses thats really on her, she was told, clearly. Anyway, it’s not your responsibility to ensure you only buy horses and ponies suitable for them pratting about with.

his mother has been on the phone saying I have ruined his nieces experience with horses and I need to allow her back to save her confidence with horses

Your MIL needs to be told in no uncertain term that your horses are not there for the entertainment of the girl and your very unpredictable new horse is not her Therapy Animal !
He is working through his own issues , it isn't fair to land the nieces issues on him too .

Yanbu, she'd soon be whinging if her child had got hurt by the horse (and she'd blame the horse rather than the child or herself). If child can't listen and mum cannot support and/or enforce the boundaries with the horses that you have put in place for the safety of both children and horses then she doesn't get to be around them, not your responsibility to ensure her confidence with horses is saved.

If MIL is so concerned can't she pay for lessons?

I’d be quite clear the horse could have killed your niece, and next time might kill your niece - and how would that help her confidence?!

YANBU

I do so enjoy a 100% YANBU poll.

Bunch of morons, I feel sorry for the niece because her mother is a fool

Ask your MIL and SIL if they'd have such a chill attitude if the horse was a gun? because both have the potential to kill and need to be treated with the same about of respect.

The stupidity and entitlement of some people never ceases to amaze me. Sounds like MIL might have been enabling it for quite some time as well.

Your SIL is fully to blame here. Your niece is simply following her Mum, she probably didn't know anything about the instructions you gave your SIL. Your SIL knowingly put her daughter in danger, because she failed to follow your instructions. I think for your niece's safety and that of your horses, you are within your rights to ban your SIL.

“I have said absolutely fuck off basically until they can actually listen to me around my animals and my property”

Couldn’t have put it better myself! They should absolutely fuck off.

They should be ashamed and apologetic, not distraught and angry. Ffs.