SIL thinks I have over reacted banning her from my house

[Happyhorse222]

I have recently taken on a potentially dangerous horse. My horses are stabled at my home.

SIL and her daughter (10) come round regularly to see my horses. Anyway...they came round yesterday evening. In weeks prior everyone has been aware I am taking this horse in to see if I can get him to any fit state or if I will need to retire him to the field.

I specifically told SIL to let me know when she arrives as I will come out as the horse is currently stabled and I need to be in there with her and my niece to supervise at all times while she says hello to the other horses and I told her with no doubt whatsoever YOU DO NOT GO NEAR NEW HORSE OR NEAR HIS STABLE AS HE IS POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS AND HAVING A SETTLING IN PERIOD. She has a form for not listening to me previously- like my Shetland bites, nope they decided he looked too cute to so went and pet him and he bit. Or no you cannot ride my horse because he isn't a novice ride, to her continuously standing with her daughter saying just let her on him, you're being mean, isn't your auntie mean. No, I just don't want your child to fall off and hurt themselves badly?

You can then imagine how it went next. SIL didn't let me know on her arrival and niece walked past stable popped her head in and new horse kicked the door and went down for a bite at her hair.

She came out screaming at me. I asked her to politely leave the stables and my house and not to come back until she could follow clear instructions not putting her daughter in danger.

My husband is completely on my side but his mother has been on the phone saying I have ruined his nieces experience with horses and I need to allow her back to save her confidence with horses.

I have said absolutely fuck off basically until they can actually listen to me around my animals and my property and now his mother, sister and my niece are DISTRAUGHT.

They are distraught because of they are feeling the consequences of their own (dangerous) behaviour.

I wouldn't be entertaining listening to their whingeing.

Your SiL is an ignorant idiot.

Good luck with letting down your horse - I remember a Pony Club mate of mine had an ex-racehorse who'd had to be let out into the field for about 6 months to get the craziness out of his system (we suspected doping of some sort ...). He was then a lovely gentle big boy.

She’s had more than enough warnings now she’s going to learn to listen to you.

I'd be wild with SIL for disregarding your clear safety instructions, but I'd also be wild that she has piled extra stress onto an already stressed animal.

Not to ride, more to explain the rules and why they are exist. My DC is also 10 and is perfectly safe around large competition horses and youngsters because they know the dangers and the rules. They are also never unsupervised of course.
Agree a riding school if she wants to learn to ride but then again some of the worst accidents I’ve seen have been riding school horses lashing out when they’ve had enough

Let her spontaneously combust & the MIL

you are right in this scenario. Point re the niece is probably valid but thats down to SIL not you. Can you have niece over and show her properly with no harm?

Horses are far too powerful to be around twats that don't listen.So unfair on them.

I'm not sure if your niece also knew the rules,but I'd be pretty pissed off with my DS9 if he ignored basic requests and walked around his auntie's property without so much as a hello.

Better that they combust virtually than decompose naturally...

One hoof to the head and it's curtains.

You could have your niece back - just with you

They must be thick as shit.

Horses are big and heavy. Just an accidental side step onto my foot caused a load of broken bones. A reactive kick or bite could cause so much damage to a child. Why would they want to expose their DC to horses whose owner has advised they aren’t suitable?

They sound so self-entitled. Ask them what makes them so entitled they can ignore your safety rules, guidance, and boundaries? Tell them if this were a paid for stable, they would be permanently banned, and to take her to a paid horsing establishment if they are that concerned.

Why do some people think horses are public property?

the poor lad must have been thinking wtf when your SIL and niece rocked up

This, it needs to be a permanent ban.

I like this idea

My daughter, who is experienced with horses has a pony and was loaning a slightly bigger one. Second pony was a handful and on a hack got spooked, reared and flipped over and trod on her. DD landed on her face. His hoof missed her spine by an inch. After a very stressful night the full CT scan revealed she had escaped any damage other than extensive soft tissue damage. Her hat saved her life.

A friend's daughter who is not experienced, decided to get on her friends gypsy cob who is carted, not ridden. No hat, said cob reared, threw her off and she has had to have extensive plastic surgery to fix her face.

So no your SIL is being ridiculously stupid and entitled. Horses are not toys. They are grumpy, naughty and stubborn. Feel free to use these examples.

I have no absolutely no sympathy for either of them. If your niece seriously wants to be a rider in future, she needs to start by learning to treat horses with respect. They're wonderful creatures but potentially very dangerous too. And when someone with your experience clearly states that your niece should not approach the new, dangerous horse and your niece ignores your advice, then the consequences are on her and her feckless mother, not you. In your shoes I wouldn't allow them back on the property either.

You are 100% in the right and, in your position, I would stand my ground.

No doubt SIL has massively downplayed it all looking to paint you as the "bad guy" and gather sympathy.

I'd be glad to be rid of her. If she is so concerned about her daughter she wouldn't have put her in that situation in the first placed. Furthermore, your horses are not the only ones in the UK. So if SIL is indeed ever so keen for her daughter to be around horses she can go visit others (and no doubt get banned from there too!).

She needs to go to a riding school and ride a nice little school master if she wants her confidence back.

I had this with a livery owner once. I moved my previously abused rescue horse to the livery and she had very clear information about his history. He is a doddle and the sweetest horse ever, once he knows you and trusts you.

He was not on the yard 3 hours before I got a call that he’d taken a swipe at her 5 year old and needed to be removed immediately. Rescue horse, fresh off the trailer from a move where he’d had to leave his long time companion, literally 3 hours in a new setting and I raced over there to find her 5 year old, I’m not joking, literally roller skating through the yard and swinging on his stable door, hence why he tried to kick her in the bloody head.

Apparently, they ran a livery because the little girl loves horses and she likes to get up in the morning while they are all still in bed and go play in the field with the horses unsupervised. My poor rescue horse was deemed not okay to play with and roller skate with so had to go. I literally put him back on the trailer and we left. Some people, even so called horse people, have zero sense.

Surely part of gaining confidence with animals is gaining a sense of when to go near them and when to leave them alone eg when you have clearly been told to?
Rolls eyes at SIL and MIL you’re clearly not in the wrong.

I don't know horses at all but it should be obvious that they are living breathing feeling beings.
My car behaves just fine for me.
I would not let a 10 year old drive it.
It is not even a living breathing being. It is almost entirely predictable.
But as pp said, you can't reason with stupid. Maybe the car analogy would help your MIL see it though. Letting the 10 year old drive a car wouldn't get her over anxiety about road accidents.... Why would a horse that's not safe for her help? Sheesh.

40 years with horses and have a livery yard. They wouldn’t be going near any of my horses again!

I also hate having family/friends and their kids come to ‘visit’ my horses and yard.
The yard is my space and I hate having people coming down to see them like it’s a petting zoo.
I’m a proper misery 😂

What a pity your horses are the only horses in the entire world. Wouldn’t it be magical for your niece if other horses existed? Some enterprising soul could even set up a business with the most calm and amenable ones and teach people to ride.

I think you might've gone a wee bit ott banning them from your house but completely agree the stables/anywhere near the horses are a no go from now on. They can't be trusted and it's sheer luck your niece wasn't seriously injured. Stick to your guns OP!

We once had friends turn up unannounced with their two boys in full riding gear, clearly expecting me to pop them on a couple of my horses. Except at the time I had a bunch of unbroken youngsters and a crabby old broodmare who would've killed anyone who dared to approach her with a saddle 😂

Fucking hell! Your poor horse, hope he found somewhere suitable to go to.

Hope you named and shamed the stables, they should be shut down!