SIL thinks I have over reacted banning her from my house

[Happyhorse222]

I have recently taken on a potentially dangerous horse. My horses are stabled at my home.

SIL and her daughter (10) come round regularly to see my horses. Anyway...they came round yesterday evening. In weeks prior everyone has been aware I am taking this horse in to see if I can get him to any fit state or if I will need to retire him to the field.

I specifically told SIL to let me know when she arrives as I will come out as the horse is currently stabled and I need to be in there with her and my niece to supervise at all times while she says hello to the other horses and I told her with no doubt whatsoever YOU DO NOT GO NEAR NEW HORSE OR NEAR HIS STABLE AS HE IS POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS AND HAVING A SETTLING IN PERIOD. She has a form for not listening to me previously- like my Shetland bites, nope they decided he looked too cute to so went and pet him and he bit. Or no you cannot ride my horse because he isn't a novice ride, to her continuously standing with her daughter saying just let her on him, you're being mean, isn't your auntie mean. No, I just don't want your child to fall off and hurt themselves badly?

You can then imagine how it went next. SIL didn't let me know on her arrival and niece walked past stable popped her head in and new horse kicked the door and went down for a bite at her hair.

She came out screaming at me. I asked her to politely leave the stables and my house and not to come back until she could follow clear instructions not putting her daughter in danger.

My husband is completely on my side but his mother has been on the phone saying I have ruined his nieces experience with horses and I need to allow her back to save her confidence with horses.

I have said absolutely fuck off basically until they can actually listen to me around my animals and my property and now his mother, sister and my niece are DISTRAUGHT.

Horses are not toys. If they want to restore her confidence they can buy her a pony ride with professionals, and leave your poor horses alone.

Your SIL’s entitlement is off the charts. YADNBU

100% YANBU vote so far!

Was SIL kicked in the head by a horse as a child?

Did you give these messages in writing to both SIL and niece? Or just verbally?
Some people with severe ADHD are completely unable to take in and retain info. Their brain hears what they think is being said or what they want to hear. Or their executive functioning let’s them down and they just don’t process the words so that at the point when they need to act upon what they should have been listening to their brain says, “she didn’t really mean what she said about the horse. It won’t hurt me. It will know not to hurt me.”

I have to stress that this is severe ADHD only. On the severe end of the spectrum. Their brain simply changes reality because they are too impatient to do as they have been advised, or they think you were exaggerating.

if not, she is simply a drama queen who wants to cause a fuss and disrupt your life. Perhaps she is jealous of your stables? Sounds like she got it from her mother.

his mother has been on the phone saying I have ruined his nieces experience with horses

And you replied...
"No, the lack of DN listening to and following advice from someone in the know and thinking it doesn’t apply to her has ruined DN's experience with horses"

Clearly you are angry and annoyed and youve had a falling out with your sister in law over the matter. Your mother in law has involved herself nnd taken your sister in laws side. Now, I dont have horses, I do have dogs. A horse is a large animal, you told your relatives to stay well away from this unpredictable animal and not to approach his stable and not to approach the other horses without you being there for safety reasons. Its the same issue with my dogs, they are corgies and one is not friendly and may snap. I therefore ask kindly for people not to touch him for that reason. I think you should let things cool down with this silly woman and then send her a card and a note. You should put it in writing that with regards to approaching your horses you make rules for safety reasons and expect them to be adhered to. Also, point out that if a horse is not a novice ride you reserve the right to decline your niece an opportunity to be thrown off it and sustain serious injury. On your property, they and anyone else must do as you say, you are not being mean youre just keeping people safe. Also state that any visitor coming to your home and stables announces their arrival with you and doesnt go directly to the stables. Say they are always welcome but you must enforce these rules to keep people safe and to ensure your horses welfare and that you hope they will understand this. Nothing to do with the mother in law she should have kept out of the issue. Ignore her outburst. Hope you can resolve the matter.

@Happyhorse222

YADNBU.

But if I were you I'd install some kind of alert system that will 'ping' your phone if someone enters the stable. If SiL is that entitled she may take it on herself to show DN that that 'horses aren't dangerous'.

I would let the niece back and take her yourself and let her meet the horses. But sil nope

For fuck's sake, SIL is a candidate for a Darwin award. Riding instructor here, and furious at her on your behalf. It wouldn't have taken much of a difference for that kick or that bite to have given her child a brain injury that she may never recover fully from. SIL is an EXTRA special type of moron if, having witnessed that, she still thinks you're just being mean.

SIL and MIL can have a strip torn off each of them with the emphasis on the exact life limiting consequences that child very nearly experienced from her mother's wanton disregard for your clear boundaries. Make it very clear that you are ANGRY because SIL's actions were DANGEROUS to her and her daughter and that your number one priority is for nobody to be INJURED or KILLED.

People who cannot follow safety instructions have NO business being around horses, dogs, or livestock (as a starter for 10). They do NOT get to fuck around and find out on your horses.

Sadly I'd also be be redoubling the signage around the property at this. Big old DO NOT TOUCH THE HORSES. DO NOT ENTER WITHOUT SUPERVISION. DO NOT APPROACH THIS HORSE signs on the gate, and signs on each stable. Just in case this isn't the last you've seen of them.

Your sister sounds as though she is a spoilt brat in your family.

That would be far too late. A ring camera on the main gate though, and fierce signs everywhere...

Am sorry, you can't fix stupid and you're 100% right to ban them for their own safety.
It's also not good for the animals to have people who don't respect them.

In the least patronising way, I want to say well done. Always great to read where people stand up to numpties.

Your In Laws do no like being told no and they think they can do as they want so they must be in shock that you banned them from you stables.

Your SIL has done the FAFO thing hasn't she?
If your niece was hurt or frightened, it's on her. Horses aren't cuddly toys ffs

I bet she tells her child to go and pat that nice doggy when they are out and about without asking the owner, too...

YANBU - SIL cannot be trusted. Do you think DN would listen if she came without her mum?
Not that you have any obligation but it might shut MIL up…

I'm just on a rant now, but "and now his mother, sister and my niece are DISTRAUGHT"... FOR FUCK'S SAKE YOU MORONS I WILL BE DISTRAUGHT IF YOU, IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER....

• FUCK MY HORSE UP
• CAUSE MY HORSE TO ESCAPE
• GET YOURSELF INJURED
• GET YOURSELF A LIFE CHANGING INJURY
• GET MY HORSE INJURED
• GET YOURSELF KILLED
• ALL OF THE ABOVE BUT FOR A CHILD
• WIND MY HORSE UP SO THAT I HAVE TO MAKE THE DECISION TO EUTHANISE HIM WHEN HE COULD HAVE COME GOOD
• CAUSE ME THE STRESS AND PAPERWORK AND EXPENSE OF AN INSURANCE CLAIM.

There. Now I feel better,

You are so not wrong. I really would sum it up again in writing though to be on the safe side. No: "you are always welcome but" - but rather "you are NOT allowed to visit x,y,z". Put the strong rules in writing, you can always soften later in person IF and as appropriate.

You're doing the right thing which will safeguard your niece, shame her own mother can't do it.

I wouldn't have them back! Stupid behaviour when you have told them.

Her horses aren't the type who are suitable for this. If MIL and SIL want DN to have nice time with ponies, they need to book her into a suitable riding school, or petting zoo.

Ok. Well you know your horses best. Your niece might fo better going for riding lessons. The ponies/horses there are usually pretty calm. 😊

If i were you I'd would ask her to explain why she doesn't listen to me.

I'd bet money on your SIL being one of those Mothers who doesn't think anyone else should tell their DC what to do, she chose to ignore your warnings because she doesn't think it's your place to tell her, or your DN, what they can or can't do even though it's on your property. Tell your MIL you warned her explicitly not to go near the horse and if your DN is now upset that's SIL fault.
I'd get some more security measures in Op before your SIL tries to have another go

Couldn't have said it better myself. 👏