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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL thinks I have over reacted banning her from my house

166 replies

Happyhorse222 · 26/03/2026 14:26

I have recently taken on a potentially dangerous horse. My horses are stabled at my home.

SIL and her daughter (10) come round regularly to see my horses. Anyway...they came round yesterday evening. In weeks prior everyone has been aware I am taking this horse in to see if I can get him to any fit state or if I will need to retire him to the field.

I specifically told SIL to let me know when she arrives as I will come out as the horse is currently stabled and I need to be in there with her and my niece to supervise at all times while she says hello to the other horses and I told her with no doubt whatsoever YOU DO NOT GO NEAR NEW HORSE OR NEAR HIS STABLE AS HE IS POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS AND HAVING A SETTLING IN PERIOD. She has a form for not listening to me previously- like my Shetland bites, nope they decided he looked too cute to so went and pet him and he bit. Or no you cannot ride my horse because he isn't a novice ride, to her continuously standing with her daughter saying just let her on him, you're being mean, isn't your auntie mean. No, I just don't want your child to fall off and hurt themselves badly?

You can then imagine how it went next. SIL didn't let me know on her arrival and niece walked past stable popped her head in and new horse kicked the door and went down for a bite at her hair.

She came out screaming at me. I asked her to politely leave the stables and my house and not to come back until she could follow clear instructions not putting her daughter in danger.

My husband is completely on my side but his mother has been on the phone saying I have ruined his nieces experience with horses and I need to allow her back to save her confidence with horses.

I have said absolutely fuck off basically until they can actually listen to me around my animals and my property and now his mother, sister and my niece are DISTRAUGHT.

OP posts:
GardeningMummy · 26/03/2026 20:43

EvelynBeatrice · 26/03/2026 14:57

Obviously keep a copy of the written warning./ text etc.

Written warning? They’re family members, idiotic ones mind you, but family, not employees. Goodness me. Verbal ‘you’re banned from my property’ is more than sufficient. No disciplinary procedures necessary! 🤣

Stressedoutmummyof3 · 26/03/2026 21:02

Your SIL sounds like a moron. I just can't get my head arod what she was thinking. Did she think you were lying about the horse or something? I can't understand any parent who is happy to ignore safety warnings and put their child in danger.
YADNBU.

Theappren · 26/03/2026 21:24

To be honest with you, like really being honest, that side your family/in laws don’t respect you or care about what you have to say. Everything indicates they do not take you seriously, could not care less about your opinion, and probably think you over exaggerate or cause drama or something. Otherwise why else do they consistently ignore what you say about safety?

Going forward, your husband deals with his family direct surely? As you’re already being painted as a wicked witch.

k1233 · 26/03/2026 21:36

Does SIL have any idea the damage a horse bite can do or just how strong horses are? Niece could have been scalped, picked up and thrown or had muscle ripped from bone, let alone the damage a kick can inflict.

I'd not change your stance as there is the potential for severe injury. It's highlu likely that they'd try to do a ride on your other horses if you weren't around - she just wanted to sit on it and walk around- I can hear it now.

Chetchy · 26/03/2026 21:59

OP, stick to your guns.
Your SIL is a moron.
Tell your MIL to mind her own business.
Let your husband deal with them and see his family at theirs.
Make the ban permanent.

Goodadvice1980 · 27/03/2026 06:28

Good grief, your sil is an idiot. Poor horse 🐴 Niece could’ve been seriously hurt.

Even experienced horse riders can get injured. Horses are such emotional animals. Even experienced horse riders like Princess Anne get kicked by one on occasion!

YANBU OP.

Labelledelune · 27/03/2026 13:23

You are not being unreasonable you are being very thoughtful and safety conscious, people have no understanding of horses. And as for those ‘sweet’ little Shetlands, they can be nasty little feckers ( lighthearted)

DalmationalAnthem · 27/03/2026 13:29

They can be distraught as much as they fancy, it's nothing to do with you.
Tell your husband he can deal with them from now on as there's nothing in the relationship for you and they're unstable. (No pun intended)

Elliania · 27/03/2026 14:04

GardeningMummy · 26/03/2026 20:43

Written warning? They’re family members, idiotic ones mind you, but family, not employees. Goodness me. Verbal ‘you’re banned from my property’ is more than sufficient. No disciplinary procedures necessary! 🤣

Show quote history

It would be helpful to have the written text for a couple of reasons.
Firstly if SIl starts wailing at other family members that she didn't know the horse was dangerous, no-one told her etc etc.
Also if SIL or neice do get hurt and try to come after OP for any costs (I mean you'd hope not but SIL clearly lives in her own little world so who knows) having written confirmation she knew the horse was dangerous and was told not to go near it could be very helpful.

The13thFairy · 27/03/2026 14:25

Your SIL sounds like one of those tedious people Who Won't Be Told What To Do ~ tell them not to do something and they'll do it all the more.

Mix56 · 27/03/2026 14:31

Tell her that she has deliberately put DN in danger, refuses all instructions & if DN had been injured she would be blaming you.
If niece wants to regain confidence she needs to go to a petting zoo. Your animals are NOT there for SIL stupidity.

Catwalking · 27/03/2026 14:38

Agreeing with all previous “SIL is unbelievably cretinous”, posters.

Gentle suggestion, it could be worth asking your insurance folk for their suggestions as to how to protect yourselves from infuriating know-it-all, deaf & selfdistruct ‘relatives’.

Sudagame · 27/03/2026 15:16

Yanbu ,your SIL , Mil and niece are being ridiculous. People don't think of horses as aggressive animals but they absolutely can be. Reminded me of this, we know these people and they really knew what they were doing around horses but a decision to go in the field alone with their new 'fiesty' horse resulted in this terrible tragedy.

curious79 · 27/03/2026 15:20

The worst bit about this is you probably need to make sure all your warnings are on record to them - email or message - as they have such serious form for not listening something terrible could happen.

Snakebite61 · 27/03/2026 18:10

Happyhorse222 · 26/03/2026 14:26

I have recently taken on a potentially dangerous horse. My horses are stabled at my home.

SIL and her daughter (10) come round regularly to see my horses. Anyway...they came round yesterday evening. In weeks prior everyone has been aware I am taking this horse in to see if I can get him to any fit state or if I will need to retire him to the field.

I specifically told SIL to let me know when she arrives as I will come out as the horse is currently stabled and I need to be in there with her and my niece to supervise at all times while she says hello to the other horses and I told her with no doubt whatsoever YOU DO NOT GO NEAR NEW HORSE OR NEAR HIS STABLE AS HE IS POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS AND HAVING A SETTLING IN PERIOD. She has a form for not listening to me previously- like my Shetland bites, nope they decided he looked too cute to so went and pet him and he bit. Or no you cannot ride my horse because he isn't a novice ride, to her continuously standing with her daughter saying just let her on him, you're being mean, isn't your auntie mean. No, I just don't want your child to fall off and hurt themselves badly?

You can then imagine how it went next. SIL didn't let me know on her arrival and niece walked past stable popped her head in and new horse kicked the door and went down for a bite at her hair.

She came out screaming at me. I asked her to politely leave the stables and my house and not to come back until she could follow clear instructions not putting her daughter in danger.

My husband is completely on my side but his mother has been on the phone saying I have ruined his nieces experience with horses and I need to allow her back to save her confidence with horses.

I have said absolutely fuck off basically until they can actually listen to me around my animals and my property and now his mother, sister and my niece are DISTRAUGHT.

Poor kid. Going to end up a selfish, ignorant idiot just like her mother at this rate.

BoogieTownTop · 27/03/2026 18:56

I don’t think you actually banned her, you just said follow my (very reasonable) rules or keep away.

She banned herself by not agreeing.

K2054 · 27/03/2026 19:04

@Happyhorse222 Your mother-in-law is incorrect, it is your sister-in-law who ruined your niece's confidence around horses by not listening you. You must be fuming.

Dillydollydingdong · 27/03/2026 19:11

If she was allowed to come and get close to that horse, or any horses, she could get badly injured. You, as the horses' owner, could be liable and could end up in court. You are right to ban them.

LHP118 · 27/03/2026 20:03

Slightyamusedandsilly · 26/03/2026 14:32

Surely your niece would have more confidence around horses if she was only around safe horses, e.g. following your instructions?

It's her bloody mother that isn't safe. Not the horses.

This.
Absolutely agree.

Sueandthegoldfish · 27/03/2026 20:05

And they can just stay distraught until they learn their lesson.

catlover123456789 · 27/03/2026 20:20

I mean, the horse could have killed her. The SIL is mental to not listen to your instructions! My friend's kids are closely supervised around my CATS for goodness sakes.

Delphiniumandlupins · 27/03/2026 20:57

Hopefully they are all so distraught with you that they go NC. Your SiL has been totally stupid and endangered her daughter.

Ladymeade · 27/03/2026 21:27

As a horse owner myself, I back your stance 100%

Mandaxx25 · 27/03/2026 21:29

I don't believe this post, sorry. Seen too many of this very same layout on reddit.