AIBU asking teacher to stop giving sweets?

[H930]

My DS is in Y1 at an independent school (relevant as I’m sure this would never be allowed in a state school but of course private schools have more freedom). He is absolutely thriving there and has a wonderful teacher - she is kind, full of energy and creativity and seems to genuinely love the children.

However…..the children are given sweets throughout the day as a reward/incentive. It tends to be jelly tots or similar, only one at a time, but I think having them several times a day means the children’s teeth are continually coated in sugar and these particular sweets are very sticky, unlike eg chocolate which melts away more easily.

I really, really do not want to upset this lovely teacher or come across as a controlling parent, and of course I don’t want my DS to feel he is missing out! But I worry about his teeth anyway and recently he says one of them hurts (we have a dentist appointment booked).

AIBU to ask the teacher not to give my son sweets, even if he is the only one in the class??

does your school has some sort of suggestion box? If yes this would be better as really no teacher should be incentivising with sweets this much!

I wouldn't love that. Can you just send a message in saying what you said here? I would have thought most headteachers would probably rethink once someone pointed out the issue, TBH.

Mine (state primary) used to come home with tiny packs of haribo as rewards on occasion; I didn't especially care as it was always sent home rather than given to be eaten in class, but I did find it pointless as DD doesn't really like them so they'd just sit in the cupboard. Other parents did mind and they've now stopped doing it.

I think this is appalling.

It used to be quite common in state school too and I know a couple of TAs who still have a small bag of sweets to give out this way.

i've always refused to do so both for the reasons you give and because I don't want to be complicit in a child associating sweet unhealthy foods with reward.

When sweets are given out (eg for someone's birthday or before Christmas or whatever) I never let the children have them in class and I tell them to check with their parents before eating them.

I do think it's worth raising.

You want your son to be the only child to not get rewards? Poor kid. Let schools school. As long you're parenting, (i.e. brushing his teeth), he'll be fine. Count yourself VERY lucky that you the have time and the headspace to worry about something so minor.

Stickers would probably be better.
At dc state secondary there were teachers who would reward with chocolate bars, but it was an occasional thing and only a couple of teachers, so fine.

Don’t clutch your pearls too tightly you might get an injury.

I wouldn't be happy with this. The message the teacher is sending that good behaviour is rewarded with sweet foods is setting up an association which is not healthy. There are plenty of ways to reward good behaviour without involving food.

Complain. The teacher needs to be more imaginative in how she gives rewards in class. No wonder so many children are having problems with their teeth these days.

One time a teacher gave all the parents information about what to pack in a healthy lunch box. She also gave the children a small bag of lollies for being good! So bloody irritating.

I couldn’t agree with you any less. My child was given sweets in school, at cubs, at afterschool clubs… basically everywhere she went! It drove me me mad. There’s no need for it. No child should be given sweets on a daily basis in school. Finally, after countless parents sending in packs of sweets to be given out celebrate their child’s birthday, it was all stopped at DDs school. OP, please raise the issue with the school, you’re not wrong to be concerned about this.

Schools, should school… without sweets. Parents should be allowed to parent… and give sweets when they choose to.

Just tell them what you have said here and offer an alternative eg stickers or housepoints.

I would say something.

I’m generally liberal as a parent and my 5 year old occasionally gets a little bag of haribo from school if it is someone’s birthday. That’s fine.

But giving sweets as a reward is ridiculous. They give stickers at our school.

in Y2/3 Ours do a pom pom jar between the class and when it gets full the whole class has a movie afternoon and the teacher brings in sweets and popcorn and they watch a movie, the teacher does message to say if anyone would like them not to have the sweets to let them know. We also have multi faiths and some do not eat haribo or jelly sweets so different ones are provided. This happens maybe once a term.

In Y1 they had a prize box with little squidgy toys, rulers, pencils etc they could pick from if they had displayed good behaviour.

It wasn't several times a day though, maybe every couple of weeks, once a month. Stickers are also usually v effective for this age group so there are definitely other options you could suggest?

All our classes have a VIP every week, it tends to rotate round, awarded for lots of different good behaviours. They get a certificate, in Y1 they had a monkey to take home for the weekend if they were VIP. They also have star writer and star mathematician certificates they give out, my child is thrilled if she gets one and works really hard to try and be star writer.

Yeah dental health doesn’t matter does it.

Teachers use stickers at this age, I'm not an uptight parent but I'd be very annoyed if sweets were being used as incentives throughout the day, it's so bad for teeth. I'd send the teacher a direct message and just explain how bad this is for their teeth, also using food as positive reinforcement isn't great anyway. Stickers and reward charts are the way to go, my reception aged child absolutely loves a sticker!

It used to be the similar in our school ( independent school ) but not every day. When they collected enough plus points, they could go to the headmaster and exchange them for sweets. I wouldn’t be happy if they were given sweets every day throughout the day

If you do really like the teacher and don’t want to upset them, then I would send an email saying:

Dear teacher,

My son is so enjoying being in your class. Thank you for everything you do for him. We appreciate it so much.

Son has very sensitive teeth and needs frequent trips to the dentist, and has been advised not to have any sugar outside mealtimes.

Could I send in some stickers for him to be given instead of a sweet if he receives a reward during the day? I wouldn’t want him to feel left out, so I think stickers would do the trick.

Thanks again for everything you do,

This is difficult and I wouldn’t like it either. Yes about teeth but more about the sweets as a reward thing. But making your child the only one who doesn’t get, would be really hard for them. Is it just this teacher? I might be inclined to suck it up for a few more months if I knew the issue would pass. If it’s throughout the school I’d ask to have a chat about it. You can’t be the only parent thinking this.

Yeah I wouldn't like that, really bad for teeth. Wouldn't be nice for your son to be singled out either though so I'd want the teacher to use a different reward system altogether. I guess you'll just have to find a diplomatic way to approach the teacher/school about this.

I feel a bit sorry for you that you only have time to think about major things in your kids' lives and not anything minor. Bit sad.

Having seen the problem getting my DGS into the dentist ( into the dentist, ie through the door, not into the chair) feeding children sugar all day is insane -we no doubt have children with the worst teeth in Europe -then thers the blood sugar levels going up and down and what if some ‘earn’ more sweets than another child.

Ridiculous -Id speak to the head

One sweet every couple of hours across the whole day is much worse than a big bag of sweets all eaten in one go.

Dentist talk about sugar windows. I remember being put on a regime where my sugar window was reduced to an hour on one day. When I could have as many sweets as I wanted but that was it for the week! That was what the dentist recommended and it did improve my teeth!

The sweets could be sugar free I guess? But I think the citric acid etc is still just as bad for little teeth. It's not great really.

There could be families who try not to give upf or refined sugars at all but now the kid will have a taste for it. Of course it would happen eventually but it's not a good habit.

@HoskinsChoice I’m assuming you have some major traumas in your life at the moment, making dental hygiene seem irrelevant to you. In reality, dental hygiene is very important. My dentist has always said that the most damaging thing for teeth (apart from never cleaning them obviously), is constant grazing on sugary foods.

I would speak to the teacher and ask if it was possible to have the jelly baby treats all in one go at the end of the day. It would give them something to look forward to, and would be way better for their teeth.

I've worked in indy schools and at the primary level it was stated explicitly in the directions to teachers NOT to give sweets/food as a reward so I'm slightly surprised that this is happening. At that school, the issue was allergies - lots of pupils can't eat a range of sweets for various reasons - but also a recognition that food should not be an automatic, constant reward. Most schools use sticker/star charts

Regarding dental health, although frequent sweeties are bad for teeth, eating throughout the day, no matter what it is, is bad for teeth. At the primary level (and even secondary), children snack throughout the day so I don't think extra sweeties are so big an issue when they've been chomping on all kinds of things all day long.