AIBU asking teacher to stop giving sweets?

[H930]

My DS is in Y1 at an independent school (relevant as I’m sure this would never be allowed in a state school but of course private schools have more freedom). He is absolutely thriving there and has a wonderful teacher - she is kind, full of energy and creativity and seems to genuinely love the children.

However…..the children are given sweets throughout the day as a reward/incentive. It tends to be jelly tots or similar, only one at a time, but I think having them several times a day means the children’s teeth are continually coated in sugar and these particular sweets are very sticky, unlike eg chocolate which melts away more easily.

I really, really do not want to upset this lovely teacher or come across as a controlling parent, and of course I don’t want my DS to feel he is missing out! But I worry about his teeth anyway and recently he says one of them hurts (we have a dentist appointment booked).

AIBU to ask the teacher not to give my son sweets, even if he is the only one in the class??

🙄

I don’t agree. This isn’t just a small issue—it affects OP’s child and impact others. I would encourage the teacher to stop giving sweets altogether. If it doesn’t stop, I would take it further and speak with management. Paying a large amount of money for someone to create unhealthy habits in children is ridiculous.Being worried about “being rude to the teacher” versus protecting a child’s health—how is that even a question?Suggesting to give sticker to only one child would create more issues. Just stop it all together.

Not good at all from the teacher. I’m 10 years, 2 children in for anyone coming to say I’m being PFB. I would absolutely not want them being rewarded with sweets by a teacher - terrible idea (both from a teeth and using food as a reward perspective). Raise it with the head directly, anonymously if you need to.

It really isn't.

Happening here in state school also.

As far as I know I’m the only one who has said anything and the teacher made a point of cornering me by the door at pickup to tell me it is to help their “intrinsic” motivation. She seemed annoyed.

Intrinsic is obviously the opposite, sweets are extrinsic motivation. I don’t know if she was trying to justify it and mixed words in the moment/ I suspect she doesn’t understand the meaning. The school is good and my children were/are happy there. So I decided not to argue and since then hear other positive comments from parents so seems I’m the minority!

You’re not overreacting at all. My kids have sweets and biscuits but not constantly every day.

I also agree with your point that the more rubbish they eat at school the more pressure on you to give loads of healthy stuff!! For mine at club they get biscuits and quite a veg free tea! So it means the meals I do have to be extra healthy to compensate and I become the boring one! 😂

Helpfeelsoterrible had a lovely phrasing, maybe I should have used that!

Mine was brief but in retrospect maybe blunt written feedback “please stop giving them sweets in school”

The healthy lunch guidelines at DC school is pretty strict - crisps, chocolate bars, fruit wind ups, sausages rolls, juice - all prohibited. But the free school meals DS is entitled to literally include sausage rolls and pizza for main, chocolate cookies, doughnuts and ice cream for pudding and, if you choose the “lunchbox” option, crisps. So many levels of stupid.

I wouldn’t be happy either OP. Have you got a patent rep you could approach anonymously?

On Friday afternoon we used to have Table of the week and those kids got one Haribo sweet each.

Nobody complained and the kids loved it.

On this occasion I'd contact the Headteacher straight away (hear me out!) and say you were concerned that it is normal practise in the school to use sweets this way, and could they please mention it in their whole staff briefing.
This bypasses anybody being made to feel bad about it, and it makes it a directive to the teacher in question to change their reward system.

Just wait 'til they try ketamine at uni, OP.

Let us know what teacher says

Really puts the situation in the Middle East into perspective.

Another pearl clutcher dripping with hyperbole 🤣

My kids (7 and 5) are not allowed sweets ever, so I wouldn't put up with this, no matter how well-meaning. A quiet word should be enough.

This! Be grateful that your child is able to benefit from smaller class sizes and everything that goes with a private education. There are children in state schools who haven’t eaten that day due to several factors. First world problems

Posters mocking “pearl clutchers” - have you seen how overweight/ obese some children are? Ten years ago even, kids weren’t as big as they are nowadays. If teachers did this at our primary school I’d be furious and ask them to stop.

Is this your response to every concern raised on Mumsnet?

I agree with this! Ask to see the behaviour policy as there’s no way it says sweets are regularly given throughout the day as extrinsic motivation!

The rules around food at school are now much stricter since ‘Natasha’s Law’ came into force. Independent schools are not above the law.

OMG, ofc!!!!!

why worry about dental health and obesity now whilst you can actually do something about it? Let’s just all low-effort parent and wait until our kids get addicted to ket. FFS.

smh