AIBU asking teacher to stop giving sweets?

[H930]

My DS is in Y1 at an independent school (relevant as I’m sure this would never be allowed in a state school but of course private schools have more freedom). He is absolutely thriving there and has a wonderful teacher - she is kind, full of energy and creativity and seems to genuinely love the children.

However…..the children are given sweets throughout the day as a reward/incentive. It tends to be jelly tots or similar, only one at a time, but I think having them several times a day means the children’s teeth are continually coated in sugar and these particular sweets are very sticky, unlike eg chocolate which melts away more easily.

I really, really do not want to upset this lovely teacher or come across as a controlling parent, and of course I don’t want my DS to feel he is missing out! But I worry about his teeth anyway and recently he says one of them hurts (we have a dentist appointment booked).

AIBU to ask the teacher not to give my son sweets, even if he is the only one in the class??

I’m not anti sweets as part of a balanced and healthy diet but I’d not be happy with the constant sugar. Bad for teeth and blood sugar levels. I liked the suggestion that you said their dentist said no sugar between meals and stickers instead.

Using food as a reward can lead to unhealthy eating habits. Frequent sugar on the teeth can lead to tooth decay.

The practices from this teacher are unhelpful. Some people may see “just a few sweets” without appreciating the links between the potential for longer term emotional/psychological consequences of using food as a reward. I would highlight this with the school. I would not be happy with this.

I wouldn’t like this at all. That’s constant sugar on those teeth. Once a month a little bag of haribo from school, fine. Every day and multiple times a day…no!

I’m a little confused by your comment. Why does it matter if it’s child 1 or child 5? Do you care less about tooth decay and the potential for problematic associations with food when you have more children?

It's not minor though. This is a thoroughly ignorant comment. Oral health is a massive issue amongst children and incentivising with sweets will not only rot the children's teeth but also contribute to them being addicted to sugar and therefore living an unhealthy lifestyle. No one wants their child to be obese and diabetic with rotten teeth later in life. It starts with habits from childhood.

I would say having the time to be a caring and involved parent absolutely should be a priority, and if you are not, that's your problem.

I’d make a complaint about it tbh. You shouldn’t have to make your son feel excluded because this teacher shouldn’t be doing it in the first place. It shows extremely poor behaviour management skills. There is also a lot of research about intrinsic versus extrinsic motivation, and if the teachers only method of motivation is by providing sweets then she’s doing nothing to encourage the intrinsic motivation tha will set children up for life. She might be lovely, but she sounds like a shit teacher, and you have the right to expect better when you’re paying for it.

Welcome to the life of private school! I’ll be surprised if that teacher is the only one giving sweets… it’s just the culture!

This is the perfect response!!! Hope OP sees this…

Yeh who cares, it's only a child and their teeth. Dentures by age 10 are a great look if you ask me...

OP, this is perfect, use this.

You must absolutely say something, thus is not ok.

Whats the behaviour policy? It usually explains the rewards system, and sweets are highly unlikely to be included. In which case the teacher (lovely as she may be) is not adhering to the school's policy which is an issue in itself.

I would say "DC's dentist says they are having decay so need to cut right down" , then youre not blaming them

I think the main problem here is intrinsic versus extrinsic motivation.

Worth while learning comes from intrinsic motivation. Not from extrinsic rewards.

Suggest the change the sweet for stickers

Brushing teeth is not enough to prevent decay.
This type of sweet is the first; sticky, very high in sugar and in the mouth for a long time, which means the pH is altered for long periods A recipe for decay and erosion.

That would annoy me and I would have to say something. My son is 3 and sometimes get sweets at nursery. It is only very occasionally but I don't really like it. I try to keep him away from jellies.

To the poster saying you must have very little to worry about. "Eyeroll" I would be concerned about and there is a LOT to worry about in my life right now.

Sweets to take home on someone's birthday is fine, but throughout the day between meals is the worst thing for teach.
I'd ask them not to whether it was my first child or 5th, it's not a PFB thing.

Sweets in and of themselves wouldn't bother me. Sweets as a reward massively would. Stickers with 'Good job!' or 'Great effort!' are more meaningful and less random. Sweet food shouldn't be a reward, ever.

I would have a word with the school.

Erm please tell the school not to reward in sweets. The mass information about the obesity problem in the country seem to have missed this school! They really are being quite negligent and detrimental to the kids.

Using sweets as a reward? Absolutely not. There are plenty of effective alternatives—like stickers or classroom privileges—and a good teacher should be using those instead. Sweets shouldn’t be part of the equation.

Rewarding kids with sweets isn’t harmless—it’s a bad habit. It teaches them to associate sugar with success and comfort, which often leads to unhealthy eating patterns and eating disorder later on.

I am very surprised that a teacher gets away with this- especially in a private school.

Food should not be used as a reward!

When I first read the title of your post I thought oh give over but actually the type of sweets and having them throughout the day I would also be concerned regarding his dental health. Definitely worth feeding back your concerns.

Plot twist, it's all organic natural fruit bark dots 😂😊

Not good shes conditioning them. Is it just her or all the teachers.

I would be really unhappy too. I'd suggest stickers. Sweet should be an occasion thing - my son's school sometimes has ice lollies as a treat but it's once or twice a term for the whole year group.

A lot of sweets aren't vegetarian or have dairy so is she checking this? I had to actively hunt for vegan sweets when I needed some for a group of children where I knew some don't eat pork etc for religious reasons.