AIBU asking teacher to stop giving sweets?

[H930]

My DS is in Y1 at an independent school (relevant as I’m sure this would never be allowed in a state school but of course private schools have more freedom). He is absolutely thriving there and has a wonderful teacher - she is kind, full of energy and creativity and seems to genuinely love the children.

However…..the children are given sweets throughout the day as a reward/incentive. It tends to be jelly tots or similar, only one at a time, but I think having them several times a day means the children’s teeth are continually coated in sugar and these particular sweets are very sticky, unlike eg chocolate which melts away more easily.

I really, really do not want to upset this lovely teacher or come across as a controlling parent, and of course I don’t want my DS to feel he is missing out! But I worry about his teeth anyway and recently he says one of them hurts (we have a dentist appointment booked).

AIBU to ask the teacher not to give my son sweets, even if he is the only one in the class??

No, its all about her child, to save him having to suffer toothache and cavities and worse dental issues later on in life.

So do you never eats sweets? Or have a desert after a meal? Or eat fruit? Or drink a fizzy drink? Or eat starchy foods? Presumably you apply these restrictions to yourself too otherwise it would be a bit ridiculous to risk the impact of your son being singled out at school whilst you're doing exactly the same damage to yourself.

It depends how freely available but if your teeth are that bad, it's much more likely to be that you just have naturally week teeth than it being about what you ate/drank. (Unless you didnt/don't brush your teeth properly).

Keep in mind, any reward offered will be purchased by the teacher themselves, not the school. 41 years of teaching and it would be interesting to know how much I had spent each year out of my own pay on either rewards, stickers, prizes, certificates and pretty classroom decor.

The nice rug on the floor, the pretty borders on bulletin boards, the books in the reading corner, extra science equipment so children got more hands on experience, even balls the class could use during play breaks, all purchased with my own money.

If you are going to complain, maybe soften that by sending in some stickers. If I gave each child in my class 1 sticker a day, that’s 150 a week. I’d also buy them to match the interests of the children (I definitely have a sticker addiction), so I needed a huge variety to pick from. Many packs of specific teacher stickers can be ridiculously expensive too. The bulk sweets are probably cheaper.

@HoskinsChoicethis is incorrect. Sweets and fizzy drinks were far too freely available. My childminder also gave me a sweet every single day and my parents never cracked down on it as they should have done, as she was otherwise wonderful and they didn’t want to rock the boat.

I have had three extractions after a whole host of issues (weirdly only on one side) but one thing seems to have led to another.

There is no doubt in my mind that my parents’ lax approach to sugary foods played a part.

Her child’s at an independent school. Doubt that applies here?

Oh lighten up. Appalling. It a few jelly tots!

Just brush their teeth when they get home.

As a suggestion, what about a gold star as a reward instead of sweets?

When I was at school, a gold or silver star on my workbook would make my day. Apart from those, green, red or other coloured stars for great work, great effort etc was equally rewarding and excellent motivation. The teacher could even use stickers that pupils can wear on their school jumpers - great work today, great improvement, well done etc.

id personally give his teeth a brush when he comes home rather than potentially making him the only child not to get a sweet here and there.

There may well be some children in that class with naturally weak teeth but this is all the more reason for the teacher not to give them sweets!

my kid was given antibiotics as a newborn which is associated with enamel hypoplasia as it affects the teeth as they grow through. I am extremely strict with sugar and so fortunately there are no other issues beyond the hypoplasia. However, if she was in this teacher’s class the chances are she could well end up with fillings and bacteria in her blood and all sorts.

Any teacher who puts their ego before the health of the children in their care is a lowlife.

I think it’s complex - it’s clearly linked to deprivation and poor diet plus the lack of effective support to parents to help them do better for their children. There’s not enough awareness of the wider impacts on health from tooth decay (eg increase in cardiovascular disease risk). There’s been a huge increase in snacking, availability of cheap energy dense UPF food, fizzy drinks etc over the years and not enough general awareness of how much better it is to stick to three meals a day and only drink water in between to meals. Plus loads of parents fail to brush their children’s teeth/ or do it properly and supervise properly as they get older. Losing baby teeth prematurely is really bad for the health of adult teeth.

Giving sweets throughout the day is so inappropriate- speak the headteacher asap

....I'm trying to think whether I've ever encountered a kid who'd think that was a good deal.

And you are basing this 'fact' on what?

'A sweet every day' 😱 shock horror! I had sweets every day as a kid. Most kids do. I don’t know anyone who has had as many as 3 extractions (unless you are very old!). I haven't had a single one and only have one filling. You're being ridiculous. Some people are just born with crap teeth. It's not your parents' fault.

You’re right, it wouldn’t be allowed in a state school. They’re generally weird about giving food out generally due to potential allergies, some parents not allowing sugar etc. They specify sweets over chocolate for birthdays due to potential allergies. I find this interesting because unless the sweets are vegetarian, they’re not very inclusive for any Muslim or Jewish kids. Beside the by.

The stars/reward charts are adequate, sweets are unnecessary. My older DC used to have a treasure chest as you mentioned but it had things like pencils/rubbers etc in it.

Just send an email to the school office saying you don't think giving food is right due to a) use of food as a reward b) dental health c) undermining of intrinsic motivation to learn.

It's really fine to politely express opinions about school - parents are part of the school community.

@HoskinsChoiceI am basing it on what my dentist told me were contributing factors. You have no idea of my dental history so please don’t imply I have been born with “crap teeth” because you have absolutely no idea.

There is also no need to be so aggressive and rude.

You are right that I have no idea about your personal circumstances. That is why I said exactly that in my first response to you. But, the point still stands, someone who has as many dental issues as you have is highly likely to have weak teeth unless, as I also said previously, you weren't brushing your teeth properly.

I'm not sure why you are looking for someone to blame. We are all born differently. It's perfectly possible to just be susceptible to weak teeth in the same way it is perfectly possible for you to be susceptible to asthma or arthritis or whatever else.

@HoskinsChoiceIf a parent has a child with naturally weak teeth that doesn’t let them off the hook. They owe it to their child to be extra vigilant about sweets and dental hygiene.

Our school gives points and when the child gets to a certain number of points on the Friday they get to pick a small toy like a fidget spinner/ have extra golden time/ a hw pass/ sit in the teachers chair or choose what activity they do in pe.

@HoskinsChoiceaye just keep arguing the point even though you’re categorically wrong. 👏

Sweets are an end of the week treat in schools really..not for a daily or couple times a day in class treat..stickers should be given and then end of week treat..I wouldn't like this in fairness now..just have a word with the teacher about it..not go in all guns blazing but a quiet word and a suggesting of otherwise maybe xx

How does a parent know that a child has naturally weak teeth? From what she's said, the problems she's had are all in adulthood.

Every parent should be sensible about what their child eats and dental hygiene but I think it's a bit much for them to see into the future.

This is an excellent point and you have articulated it so well. I do now of course accept I am 'categorically wrong'. 🙄🤣

Stickers are better than sweets. Each sweet will change dental pH for about 40mins/an hour after eating it. So from a dental point of view much better to eat a packet at once than single sweets through out a day. Terrible idea for teeth. Bet the teacher isn't a parent yet so hasn't thought about it from this angle. I think it would be fine to bring this up in a friendly way with them.