AIBU asking teacher to stop giving sweets?

[H930]

My DS is in Y1 at an independent school (relevant as I’m sure this would never be allowed in a state school but of course private schools have more freedom). He is absolutely thriving there and has a wonderful teacher - she is kind, full of energy and creativity and seems to genuinely love the children.

However…..the children are given sweets throughout the day as a reward/incentive. It tends to be jelly tots or similar, only one at a time, but I think having them several times a day means the children’s teeth are continually coated in sugar and these particular sweets are very sticky, unlike eg chocolate which melts away more easily.

I really, really do not want to upset this lovely teacher or come across as a controlling parent, and of course I don’t want my DS to feel he is missing out! But I worry about his teeth anyway and recently he says one of them hurts (we have a dentist appointment booked).

AIBU to ask the teacher not to give my son sweets, even if he is the only one in the class??

Just cut the sweets out full stop at school they aren't needed even for birthays. Maybe I'm a kill joy, so what? I'm more concerned about kids teeth and the future problems they may encounter. The Mners who only allow their kids one sweet a week on a friday must be pearl clutching too.😉
There are too many dental problems in this country already especially with kids. Don't get me started on the lack of N.H.S dentists.

Another thing to consider, the teacher might be the best in the world but hasn't given much thought to the kids dental by rewarding throughout the day.
Seems a bit lapse in that department does anyone do this with their own kids?
If not why is it okay for a teacher to do it when there are alternatives?

We never gave our children sweets, so I’d be really unhappy about this.

Did they have them anywhere outside the home at relatives or friends?

I would not be happy with that at all! Is management aware?

This is perfect

Thank you for all your responses. A real mix of opinions!

The teacher does give out stickers and they also have a star chart system where they get certificates after winning a certain number of stars, plus various other reward systems. So it’s not as though he’d not be getting any rewards at all if he didn’t have the sweets. Of course, I’d hate him to be singled out and not have sweets when all his friends do.

We‘re not a “sugar free” family by any means - he does have eg Haribo at birthdays and the odd biscuit or chocolate here and there. But it’s the constant drip, drip of sugar throughout the school day that I’m concerned about, and combined with the daily cake they get with school lunches, and the fruit and (plain) biscuits they’re given as snacks, I feel it’s taken my agency away as a parent - if I’d like to give him a treat, I feel I can’t because he’s already had so much at school!

I will have a think and consider speaking to the teacher!

She is training them with treats. No, not a good idea.

As a teacher and parent, I hate this and would speak to the school. I don’t believe in food as a reward and daily sweets is too much for primary school children. There are a million other ways to reward children. If you otherwise love the teacher @H930, have a quiet word with her and explain how you feel, she might have just been a bit shortsighted about it.

I think you’re over reacting. Is this your first child?

No, not my first child (also think it is quite unkind to assume someone is a hysterical/over anxious parent just because they are worried about their first/only child!)

I've worked in at least 10 different schools over the last 25 years and none of those schools allowed sweets to be given out as rewards or as end of term presents etc.
It's unhealthy and bad for their teeth. Lots of parents don't allow their children to have sweets at all, or restrict them as a treat occasionally after a meal etc.
I really don't know why the school is allowing it. Stickers are a nice alternative.
I would speak to the school about this.

I don't think you are overreacting at all. Why would any parent be happy about their child being given sweets throughout the day when it is know that this regular snacking/grazing on sugary things is the main cause of cavities? What parent wants their child (first child/only child/fifth child/whatever) having to have fillings when this could be avoided by not eating sweets all day?

If this is your biggest problem with the school/teacher, you have no problems.

Two of mine had severe enamel hypoplasia in their baby teeth. This would have been terrible for their poor teeth.
As it was I used to have to say no to loads of birthday haribo.

This sounds bonkers behaviour by the teacher and I'm really surprised by the number of people saying you're being unreasonable! Give their poor teeth a chance - little and often with sticky sweets is a really effective way to dissolve tooth enamel, we also know now that dental health has an impact throughout the body as bacteria and plaque from the mouth travel to organs (there's a really good Michael Moseley podcast episode about this).

It's also firmly planting a really unhealthy habit, linking sweets with task completion, and teaching reliance on short-term immediate rewards rather than building intrinsic motivation. And it's all totally unnecessary! Crazy.

Thank you! My thoughts exactly!

My mind is made up, I will have a word with the teacher after school today or tomorrow! Thank you all!

Mine are at secondary and we attended a sports event last week and there was a MASSIVE Haribo delivery in reception. Dc tells me senior staff come round giving them out for attendance/uniform/other positives once per half-term. Seems mad to me though obviously by this age they can buy their own sweets anyway when they want so it's not about their teeth.

Have a nice saucer of milk love.
For some strange reason most parents actually care about their lids dental welfare - OP is hardly over reacting.

I don't think the odd jelly tot is out of order - mine were potty trained on them! Worked like a dream!

As long as you know what is happening and can be extra vigilant about teeth cleaning after school maybe as well as morning and night then I would not be too worried. Life is all about compromises. Your son is happy at school, the teacher is lovely ..... all good.

I really wouldn't if I were you. You will be disturbing a situation that is happy and in balance. Just make sure you clean his teeth when he gets back from school.

Maybe, just maybe put on your big girl pants and talk to the teacher.

My daughter is a dentist. The state of children’s dentition is horrendous. The biggest reason for children to have a general anaesthetic is for tooth removal. Snacking outside of meal times is bad of dental and general health. Sticky chewy sweets (as are raisins!) are particularly bad - they lodge in teeth fissures.
I would complain (nicely). It sends all the wrong messages to children.
It’s not ‘clutching at pearls’ as some have said. Its a public health disaster.

I’d be careful about this. My friend was the same, her child is now a grown up with a bmi of well over 65 as she gorges on sweets and junk food now she’s an adult. She’s too big to work, can hardly move without sweating, is teetering on the edge of needing oxygen as she is breathless even at rest

I think learning to eat everything in moderation is far healthier. Banned food tends to have high value and becomes very desirable. They will get exposed to sweets unless you never let them outside your sight and lets be honest, they are delicious

Not every child not allowed sweets goes on to be a morbidly obese adult but it does happen.