AIBU asking teacher to stop giving sweets?

[H930]

My DS is in Y1 at an independent school (relevant as I’m sure this would never be allowed in a state school but of course private schools have more freedom). He is absolutely thriving there and has a wonderful teacher - she is kind, full of energy and creativity and seems to genuinely love the children.

However…..the children are given sweets throughout the day as a reward/incentive. It tends to be jelly tots or similar, only one at a time, but I think having them several times a day means the children’s teeth are continually coated in sugar and these particular sweets are very sticky, unlike eg chocolate which melts away more easily.

I really, really do not want to upset this lovely teacher or come across as a controlling parent, and of course I don’t want my DS to feel he is missing out! But I worry about his teeth anyway and recently he says one of them hurts (we have a dentist appointment booked).

AIBU to ask the teacher not to give my son sweets, even if he is the only one in the class??

Would be just as bad for the teeth tbh

That’s appalling. What is the teacher thinking? I would contact the head and ask for non-edible rewards as policy given how delicate their teeth are at this age.

This. No child’s teeth ever fell out because of a couple of jelly tots. 🙄

Yeah, tell the dentist to chill the fuck out.

Just trying to help you find your proportion 🤣

is it ideal practice? No

is it appalling 😡
is it worth fury 🤬
is it going to lead to dentures 🦷

No

Update - DS’s teacher didn’t dismiss them today so I didn’t get to speak to her. However DS came out with TWO bags of Haribo which he’d apparently chosen from the “treasure chest” (they can sometimes pick a little toy or sweet for a reward). I’m away tomorrow but will 100% be saying something (politely) on Monday.

I would 100% complain to the school but would phrase it as an inappropriate reward to be constantly feeding children sweets rather than singling your son out. Dental health is important and so is general health.. I certainly don’t give my kids sweets every day, especially not on a school day.

I teach in an independent school. There’s 700 pupils and not a single one of them looks overweight. I disagree with giving out sweets at school, it certainly is bad for dental health, and it definitely wouldn’t be allowed at our school. But there are far stronger social aspects in play with regards to obesity than whether a child is having a few jelly-tots throughout the day.

You are not being unreasonable and you are right about this kind of continual eating of sugar means that the teeth are exposed to sugar over a longer period of time than just meal times. At my school we have stopped sweets being given out at birthdays and special occasions too and encouraged parents to bring in stickers/fruit or a class book when it is their child's birthday. Also giving rewards constantly undermines the child's intrinsic desire to complete their learning. I would speak to the teacher and the head teacher who may not know it's going on. I doubt it's school policy.

I think it's fairly crappy teaching practice to continually bribe/reward in this way - with ANY type of reward! They will quickly lose their glamour and the children will stop bothering after a while, as it'll lose value/meaning. It's also a cheap way to buy authority/popularity by handing out sweeties all the time.

I'm not generally on the side of the Sugar Police but I do agree with others that rewarding with sugar is ultimately not a good idea, and one that becomes the child and parents' problem rather than the teacher's. So rather than ask, can my child be the only one left out (that's not fair and I'd say worse than risking a cavity!) I'd ask if the teacher can just stop handing out sweets as rewards. It's really not best practice.

teachers like this are the worst. They want to be seen as “nice” and get that feel-good vibe from making small kids happy, but don’t actually give a shit about harming them. Nor do they have any respect for parental authority because deep down they are fully aware that no parent spends thousands of pounds to have their kids plied with sugary crap every day.

I would- and have - complained in similar situations.

The good thing is that people like that are vulnerable to being shamed (since they so badly want to be liked).

I would ask for an advanced schedule of when junk food is given in class, what the school policy around behaviour is, and request that the kids teeth be brushed after ever piece of sugary junk food is given to them (the goal here isn’t to actually get the school to brush their teeth but it’s to be such a pain in the arse they don’t want to deal with you). I would also send in a formal letter to the head about it. yes it will upset the teacher but you should be prepared to do that.

also, if you can be really tactful about stirring up angst among other parents they may write their own letters.

when I read stuff like this I’m so glad I’m not a teacher.

So the teacher provided a sweet reward and a toy reward and your child chose the sweet reward. Maybe tell your child to pick the toy reward?

Key words here are independent school
Demographics, innit?
Go and stand outside a primary school in deprived area and you’ll see obese children. You might then change your mind about teachers handing out bags of sugar without parental consent.

or maybe adult teachers should know better than to be providing food as a reward to children. SMH.🙄🤦‍♀️

My kids are grown up and perfectly happy thanks. I think you are kind of missing the point!

Yes, that’s exactly the point I was making.

The poster I was replying to was saying sweets make children obese, and I was pointing out that the leading factor in childhood obesity is economic background.

As I previously said, I fully disagree with the teacher handing out sweets. Of course “bags of sugar” would likely make a child obese over time, but a few sweets throughout the school day for the OP’s child who has a healthy diet at home will lead to poor dental health, not obesity.

The kids at my school eat their fair share of junk, but have that privilege of a higher economic background and the health benefits which come with that.

So let me see if I understand - you want to have your son excluded from having a jelly sweet because he will need to go to the dentist.

Kids are always going to need the dentist. It’s free up the age of 19 in the uk and it’s costing you nothing.

Stop being controlling and overbearing.

🤔 he does go to the dentist! But I’d prefer him to go to the dentist and be told his teeth are healthy, than for him to have toothache and be told by the dentist that he needs a filling!

Don’t most schools have healthy eating policies? Most would, where I live.

Play school was the same but they would gift sweets / treats at Easter etc…

Always gives to the parents, not the kids, incase of allergies, religious diet etc…

Agree it should be raised. Say you will be supportive in helping your child adjust to a change.

All about you then - have you considered that your controlling behaviour is sucking the joy out of your child’s life. His toothache could be because he isn’t brushing and flossing correctly - not because he had a sweet. You should be taking him regularly for cleanings.

So you think it's ok to feed children sweets all day long, everyday, because junk food is a reward and the only joy children for children doing well at school?

You're a role model indeed to be so judgemental.

ONE HUNDRED PER CENT.
As a child whose parents didn’t look after her dental health nearly enough (think fizzy pop freely available at home in the 80s), which resulted in dreadful, painful - and expensive! - dental issues as an adult, it is completely unacceptable for the teacher regularly to give out sweets as a reward/incentive in school.

@Scoooobydoooas an aside - what does your daughter think is driving the dreadful state of kids’ dental health? Are parents/caregivers lazy or ignorant! Or do they just think aaaaah they’ll get a second adult set anyway so the milk teeth don’t really matter?