AIBU to think primary schools should not audition children for choirs?

[LovelyBranches]

Dd is 9 and loves singing. She goes to her school choir after school group and goes to signing lessons outside of school. She has competed (and won) at the Eisteddfod.

Yesterday she came home from school very upset, unbeknownst to us she had auditioned for a place in her choirs Christmas show which will be on tv. She didn’t get in. There were 3 children in her year that didn’t get in. DD was devastated and very upset about it.

Today she came home upset because the teachers had taken the new choir group to practice and DD had no one in her usual friendship group to eat with. She ended up eating with another girl in her class who hasn’t been very nice to her recently.

I feel really upset for DD, she sings all the time and will tell anyone who listens how she wants to work in the theatre when she is older. I am aware that the school probably had a limited number of places but I feel like they should have given places to all year 6 and year 5 pupils rather than what they did which was allow year 6 and pick selectively between year 5 and 4.

AIBU to think that schools shouldn’t have auditions for choirs at primary school level.

I think we all got the picture.

She's got y5 and 6 to do it. Relax a bit.

Maybe her singing voice isn't as good though. It's not about behaviour surely.

My brother going into the school choir I didn't No big deal

DH helps out as a coach in the local football team. ANYONE who wants to be on the team can, and they are all invited to play on the Saturday competitive games.

Can you imagine if adults were excluded in the same way as kids? Can you imagine being denied access to your local gym because you couldn’t bench press a certain weight, or not being allowed in your local Tesco because you couldn’t push the trolley fast enough.

OP it’s going to be tough unless you accept this. It’s raw when your kid doesn’t get accepted. But it’s part of creative performing. There are usually inclusive events and audition-only events.

With this kind of thing it may be about the mix of voices. And perhaps they just didn’t need a voice like your daughter’s, even if she was good.

At this age I would expect most kids to be able to adapt to sitting next to a different child for lunch etc, without too much drama. That’s not the issue to focus on.

I am sorry she didn’t get it. But don’t let her see how upset you are. Good luck for next time.

Not in any way comparable arguments.

Tesco isn't a shop with limited spaces and the gym isn't a competition.

Plenty of adults don't do. Stuff because they aren't good enough, or they try for stuff and don't get in.

Perhaps you're on the wind up.

But surely there are inclusive choirs. She is in one. This audition was for one single event which is some time away. She can still sing in the choir can’t she for other rehearsals
and shows? Is she being told she isn’t allowed to sing any more??

I'm going to be honest given how upset this has made you it's probably quite helpful for her to experience a little setback like this and see it's really not a huge deal.

You seem to be spiralling over something so inconsequential I'm wondering if there's a bigger picture at play here and you're focusing on something small because that's easier to deal with.

But the best players will be chosen for school football teams and academy football teams and league football teams. If you’re chosen for those, you’re part of a more elite group, but if you don’t cut the mustard, you’re dropped. That will happen for school plays, at primary and secondary level, at college and university and in working life.

Your analogy to Tesco and the gym is different, because Tesco shopping is a financial transaction and at the gym, you challenge yourself to improve your own performance, not a competition with other gym goers, unless they’re putting on an exhibition.

If your kid had got in you wouldn't have a problem with the selection process. I get it.

With this kind of thing it may be about the mix of voices. And perhaps they just didn’t need a voice like your daughter’s, even if she was good.

This is a really good point. I was at school with a girl who was a brilliant singer, went on to do it professionally, but didn’t get into the small, selective choir as her voice just didn’t blend well with the others for the type of music the choir performed.

Can you have a quiet word with her singing teacher about it? If she honestly believes your dd is a good singer then it’s worth talking to the school about it. If the teacher says that your daughter can’t actually sing well then that’s a different matter. It will be disappointing for her, but hopefully you will be able to find another activity - art, drama, cooking? for her to focus on.

My DD doesn’t want to be a member of an elite club, she wants to be a member of a choir which the majority of her year are members of.

I'm talking about school football teams as you're talking about a school choir. Happened in every school I've ever worked in.

Your gym and Tesco comparisons are a bit ridiculous.

Ah that makes sense now, thanks op. I thought they were performing at Christmas but recording it next term would explain why year 6 are in it and why they’re practising so much.

did your daughter win an individual singing event at margam or with the choir? Posters who aren’t aware of the urdd probably won’t understand that to win at the national urdd Eisteddfod is a very big deal. I’m interested to know if she was with the choir for it or was it a solo

Which has limited spaces......

But she does, in the context of those available to be considered.

Believe me, I know what it's like to feel heartbroken on behalf of your child who has not been chosen for a performance. My daughter is now in her mid 20s and has been involved in the performing arts since she was your daughter's age. Unfortunately this is part of it, and as hard as it is at the time, the younger they are at getting used to not getting a part in a performance, the more practice they have with it. The theatre world is a very hard, very competitive world, and even the most talented performers will have many auditions that don't go in their favour. Your job as her parent is to model an appropriate response.

My daughter has had countless "rejections' in her theatre career. She is now a working actor and auditions for many more roles than she lands. This has always been the case, from primary school age, through the teen years, to auditioning for acting degrees at conservatories, to now. Every time she doesn't get a part she wants she is devastated, and of course I am too, but she loves doing it and is willing to accept that this is part of it.

Well she will be able to try again next year and in the meantime others get to enjoy being part of the choir who maybe don't have the opportunities your child does outside of school. A real positive don't you think?

So what is the issue - the fact that she didn't get picked or the fact that she didn't have anyone to have lunch with? Why conflate the two?

The thing is though there literally isn’t anything you can do about it so you’re going to have to come to terms with it and not project your feelings about it onto your daughter

You’ve said she has opportunities outside of school and not all children have that. They might not have even chose the best, they’ve maybe picked a range of different levels of singing to give everyone a chance. My son’s football team make players do training before they can make it on to the team and commit to it to see if they fit with the team. My son is really good and school some terms have football by an external company and he’s not got in everytime as they make it fair to make sure everyone who wants to do it, does at different terms. He’s 10 and understands when he doesn’t get in, he’s had a turn and has opportunities outside of school that other people don’t

If my DD had got in I probably wouldn’t have known much about it. DD didn’t say she was going to be auditioning, I didn’t know anything about this until she burst into tears the second she saw me.

You must have to be made of stern stuff to be a theatre parent!

OP, you have probably had to fight for your daughter a lot in her life. But now she's getting older you do have to learn to take a bit of a step back, for her sake. It may well be that the school has picked children who haven't had your dd's singing opportunities, or maybe the venue isn't accessible, or they only have transport for a certain number. Whatever, it's your job to go 'oh well, no big deal. You've got plenty of other opportunities to shine - so let's get you to your singing lesson and get back on that metaphorical horse and ride on'. Getting angry and stressed will only make her feel either more disappointed or like a disappointment herself, for making you feel that way. Yes, she'll always need you to fight for her more than a child without disabilities, but please save your energy for the big battles.

Because they are directly linked. DD was sitting by her friend at lunchtime (her friend had finished, DD hadn’t). The teacher came into the hall and called for the new choir group to go into a different room and practice for the rest of lunchtime.

DD was left sitting alone so she had to pick up her food and move by a different child