AIBU to think primary schools should not audition children for choirs?

[LovelyBranches]

Dd is 9 and loves singing. She goes to her school choir after school group and goes to signing lessons outside of school. She has competed (and won) at the Eisteddfod.

Yesterday she came home from school very upset, unbeknownst to us she had auditioned for a place in her choirs Christmas show which will be on tv. She didn’t get in. There were 3 children in her year that didn’t get in. DD was devastated and very upset about it.

Today she came home upset because the teachers had taken the new choir group to practice and DD had no one in her usual friendship group to eat with. She ended up eating with another girl in her class who hasn’t been very nice to her recently.

I feel really upset for DD, she sings all the time and will tell anyone who listens how she wants to work in the theatre when she is older. I am aware that the school probably had a limited number of places but I feel like they should have given places to all year 6 and year 5 pupils rather than what they did which was allow year 6 and pick selectively between year 5 and 4.

AIBU to think that schools shouldn’t have auditions for choirs at primary school level.

X posted!

I didn’t get in the choir at school. I was very embarrassed about it but I got over it. Just like your daughter will.

So it’s not actually 3 children in the entire year group. It’s 3 children from the group that goes to choir. You made it sound like “the year group” is 60-90 children and only 3 were excluded. Seriously OP, for the sake of your daughter, move on from this.

Encourage her to make friends in other year groups if no one in her year who she is keen to hang out with. Or are there any other lunch time clubs she could join?

I suspect places are limited for the TV show. Better to be let down now, than practise for months to be told you can't go.

She'll survive and something else will be important next week. A good lesson in resilience despite the initial upset.

Correct- 3 children didn’t get picked out of the year 4 group at choir. Around 15 of the children are in the choir.

DD has never had a single bad word said about her behaviour. In fact we had parents evening recently and her teacher said she is one of the best behaved. DD has a physical disability and has needed assistance during the time she’s been at school because she used to use a wheelchair and every teacher has always said what a kind and polite child she is.

I do think it’s a bit crap of school if they’ve include all children in her year group bar 3, especially when they enjoy singing and go to choir. Just leaving out 3 does feel like exclusion. If it was half and half it would be ok. Wonder why they thought this was ok.

I think you're understandably upset because she is upset and seeing our children unhappy is never nice but of course they should audition especially if the school takes music so seriously. Unfortunately not all children can be part of everything and it's a great opportunity for her to make new friends especially if her year group is so small.

Honestly, I love my daughter without measure, but although she's an enthusiastic singer, she is truly awful. Lovely because it's her, but breathtakingly tuneless. Obviously I'd never tell her this. I can see why choirs might need to audition if they are trying to be competitive.

That’s life I’m afraid.

Shea not always going to get what she wants, be picked for everything, be liked by everyone or invited to every party etc.

These are the lessons that children need to learn otherwise they grow into entitled adults who think the world revolves around them and owes them a favour.

So all of year 4 are going apart from your DD and 2 others? That seems pretty harsh.

Posters saying you aren’t helping mean that you’re very clearly angry / upset about it your DD will pick up on that. You need to model a more relaxed attitude. Sometimes it is super disappointing not to be picked but there will be more chances in future.

As someone who runs community choirs and has run school singing workshops I with you mum. Primary school children should have the chance for all who wish to to join in. It is thus sort of stuff that puts children off singing. I don't blame you for being pissed off on your DD's behalf.

I get that-I can’t sing for toffee, but my dd can.

She joined a singing group outside of school around 6 months ago and is the youngest there. She’s been given multiple solo opportunities by the singing teacher who is enthusiastic about her.

You've said your daughter sings a lot, but does she sing in tune?

Why do you think she wasn't accepted?

ETA cross posted.

Yes, you calm down about it all, tell her you can’t win every time and she’ll get another go next year, and encourage her to take it on the chin.

I agree with you op. As for people saying it will build your DD’s resilience and help her manage disappointment, whilst I agree this is important, there are kinder, less public ways to do this when you’re 9 years old. Leaving only 3 children out is harsh. That said, I’d try and make the best of the situation now. I’d reassure DD that her chance will come and help her manage her disappointment as best she can. If she wants to work in the theatre she will undoubtedly face many rejections, even if she’s really talented (maybe there are clips of her favourite actors talking about this that she could watch). I would speak with the school if she’s struggling with friendships as lunchtimes though.

You said MOST of y4 go to choir. Please can you answer clearly how many year 4s in total (including those not in choir) are not included?

So maybe have a chat with DD that she’s got loads of chances to excel at singing and this can be someone else’s turn to had a go.

So there are 8 out of 20 y4 children not included, and 12 included? And 15 go to choir, of which 12 included?

Its a shame the majority got to go, but it is relatively small disappointment in life & children do have to learn to handle small disappointments.

It's not 3 left out of a whole year group people!

There are 15 kids in the choir in her year and they took the best 12 of those.

OP if there's not enough room to take them all for a tv show then they have to pick the best on the day.

Just help her look on the bright side she's still in the choir and she's won something already and there's always next year.

As for being unhappy with the provision the school are making at lunch time for those not going that's a separate issue.

Yes this is correct.

God this is like our school’s football team. Coaches pick the best players and the parents of the ones not picked kick right off. Instead of just, you know, teaching resilience.

Some of these kids are dire. It’s not a kindness to put them into a competitive match.

And I have no footballing kids, so I have no skin in this game.

Won't they have left the school by December?

Would you have been complaining how unfair it is if your daughter had been picked but another child had been left out?

She has had lots of opportunities to shine at singing and will probably get more in the future. Maybe the teachers thought they’d give another child who doesn’t sing outside of school a chance?

I can’t believe how many women on here couldn’t wait to tell you how entitled you are and that your daughter must not be good enough! I agree with you OP, I think being in the school choir should just be open to everyone or everyone in a certain year group (if numbers are limited) it’s an activity that should be enjoyed by all and is so good for your mental health that it’s hard to imagine anyone excluding a child. It’s made me feel very lucky that my children go to a school where that wouldn’t happen. I wonder if you hadn’t posted your daughter’s achievements and just posted it as a question if the response may have been different. ‘Should you have to audition for the school choir?’ I’m sorry your daughter didn’t get picked, I think in the long run it may build resilience but there’s always danger that a child will give up when they’re told they’re not good enough which is really sad. I’ve run a few drama clubs (I’m a teacher) and I’ve known full well that some of the kids are going to struggle to perform on the stage or turn up to the sessions or even behave appropriately but I wouldn’t have dreamt of leaving them out (a subtle small part and a bit of imagination goes a long way) She can’t be a bad singer if she’s won award tbh could she? Plus it’s subjective, very few people are tone deaf, we all enjoy different styles of voices so I don’t see how anyone could say someone wasn’t a good enough singer, let alone for a school performance!