AIBU to think primary schools should not audition children for choirs?

[LovelyBranches]

Dd is 9 and loves singing. She goes to her school choir after school group and goes to signing lessons outside of school. She has competed (and won) at the Eisteddfod.

Yesterday she came home from school very upset, unbeknownst to us she had auditioned for a place in her choirs Christmas show which will be on tv. She didn’t get in. There were 3 children in her year that didn’t get in. DD was devastated and very upset about it.

Today she came home upset because the teachers had taken the new choir group to practice and DD had no one in her usual friendship group to eat with. She ended up eating with another girl in her class who hasn’t been very nice to her recently.

I feel really upset for DD, she sings all the time and will tell anyone who listens how she wants to work in the theatre when she is older. I am aware that the school probably had a limited number of places but I feel like they should have given places to all year 6 and year 5 pupils rather than what they did which was allow year 6 and pick selectively between year 5 and 4.

AIBU to think that schools shouldn’t have auditions for choirs at primary school level.

There were losers though at Eisteddfod, right? Just like your daughter has lost in the competition to be on TV.

Disappointment is a fact of life. We cant always have what we want unfortunately

Stop making it sound worse than it is then, it’s not 3 children in the entire year group!

I think i was incorrect as I was thinking it was going to be three from the whole year group, not just three from those who go to choir.

I wasn’t suggesting your dd was badly behaved, I was just giving an example of what I don’t like, which is when schools give misleading criteria.

I don’t know about this resilience argument.

I know plenty of people who felt excluded from sport, who as adults don’t partake in any form of exercise and who have issues with sport and exercise directly because of how they were treated at school.

Children who excel in something will naturally want to do it more and should be helped and encouraged, but children who don’t excel should also get access and inclusion.

Being excluded at a young age has already damaged my DD’s self esteem-before it’s even had an opportunity to fully develop.

This, but obviously ops daughter competing and winning =. Amazing!! She is THE BEST!!!!!!
Daughter deemed not being the best = they are mean and evil and dreadful!!! How very dare they!!!

Agree fully no child should be auditioning for school choir full stop. Let them enjoy and love singing so good for mental health - a life long free pick me up

When you say she competed and won at the Eisteddfod- what Eisteddfod are you talking about? A school one and the urdd genadlaethol are quite different so just wondering at what level she won.

also surprised at them practising so much for a show 9 months away- are they not doing the urdd and practising for that first? Which show is it? Is it a high level competition or just a show?

sorry for all the questions. I think it depends on the type of event this is and if they need their highest level of singers then I think it is fair to have auditions. My dd is also in a Welsh language school so I understand the culture. They are practising like crazy now for the urdd genadlaethol in may.

also won’t year 6 have left by Xmas?

So 12 out of 20 in year 4 are going? That’s 8 not going then. Which is not exactly what you were trying to portray when you claimed 3 were being left out.

You need to get a grip. Your child wasn’t picked for something. Your job is to help her manage the disappointment, not pretend the whole world should be changed to ensure she gets what she wants. Tbh, this should have been a conversation earlier - “yes, I’m sure you’ll be fab but remember lots of other people are great too so be ready in case you don’t get picked”. Football teams, choirs, chess competitions - lots of things have limited spaces and some children won’t get selected. It’s a normal part of growing up.

They want to put the best team out and win games 🤷‍♀️ they don’t want a keeper who lets in 15 goals. That’s not unreasonable.

Parents should gently redirect. It doesn’t have to be a soul destroying experience. It’s about helping them find their place to shine.

Why are you so hung up on the numbers? Don’t you understand the point that pre teen girls are having their self esteem diminished by teachers who think they are Simon bloody Cowell instead of educators?

DD thought this was her place to shine. She has a physical disability so sports wasn’t as option.

What would you prefer them to do if there are limited spaces?

Not everyone gets to do everything; that is just life. She’ll get other opportunities.

It’s was the Urdd in Margam.

The programme is going out at Christmas and will be Christmas themed but will be filmed before year 6 leave I imagine.

Could it be that they know that your daughter has lots of opportunities to sing outside of school, and they are giving the opportunity to those who don’t have the experiences your daughter has already had? It’s rubbish and I don’t agree with it, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there is an element of that.
Hopefully she will make it next year and the year after and in the meantime you can use it as an opportunity to build resilience. If she wants a future in the theatre then she will need this as a key skill.

It’s hard when your child isn’t picked after an audition but if she wants to go into the theatre business she’ll have many rejections even as a child.
My 4 kids all enjoy being in a musical theatre group but not getting a part is a par for the course. It’s made them very resilient.
This is a great chance for you to teach resilience to your child OP. Failing is part and parcel of life and will ultimately make them stronger and more successful. The ability to cope with setbacks is a great skill to have.
The lunch issue can be turned around to be an opportunity to make new friends, she could try befriending children from another year group.
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Year 4 is a child, not pre-teen. Her self esteem is only damaged because YOU have made this into far too big of a thing. Her place to shine is in the competition she won and the out of school singing group where she gets lots of solos.

You’re being ridiculous and I think you know it.

Because you are twisting the situation to get sympathy when things are not as dire as you are making them out to be. And I think you are the one missing the point about teaching your daughter (who is not a pre-teen!) a bit of resilience when she can’t always get what she wants. Someone should have taught you too.

I have a daughter who has a physical disability, who has been a wheelchair user and who has had multiple surgical operations in her short life (and is due more).

Trust me, resilience has been the main thing she has had to learn.

Singing still very much can be her place to shine. Just not this particular show. Auditioning and not getting through is part and parcel.

You mentioned Eisteddfod.Are the school preparing to compete in the Urdd in May?

9 years old is considered pre teen and I’m not twisting the situation at all.

No because it’s too far away

Not just anybody who likes playing football is allowed to play in the football team - they choose the best players.

Why should the choir be any different? They want the best singers.

She didn’t get a place this time. She may do another time.

She may not always succeed in everything she tries. What’s important is the trying. Picking yourself up after disappointment and trying again. She will learn from this experience, although it won’t feel like it just now.

It’s a given that not everyone gets chosen for the things they want to do, or jobs they apply for. It’s upsetting, but it is part of life and obviously you’ll question the process, but tell how good you think she is and that there will be other chances.