Senior Manager comments sent to me by mistake

[Melanieee]

Need to share as I’m unsure if I’m just feeling a bit ‘hurt’ as it was something I perceived as negative, or if it wasn’t actually a big deal and I’ve worked myself up.

I’m in a project role in a big corporate, working with a new department at the moment. There’s a number of issues with stakeholders I am working with so my manager suggested I emailed the senior manager of that department with a summary and suggest we hold a call to discuss a way forward. I did this as suggested.

I then had a notification where the email simply said ‘will do’ so was a follow on from an earlier email.

The earlier email was the senior manager forwarding my email to someone on his team and he said ‘Put some time in with her will you so she feels listened to. Needs reining in.’

The colleague had (I assume) included me as they likely typed my name in the subject to see my job/department details etc.

I feel really shit, I haven’t replied or told my manager as it happened late on today.

You’re right to feel hurt - sounds very offhand. Can you approach the manager who sent this email and ask him to clarify?

I'd show that to my own manager as s/he is the one who asked you to consult that dept in the first place.

But I have no finesse in the workplace tbh.

My dh, who does, would say just pretend you didn't see that and carry on as normal with whatever happens next (ie when you get a meeting with someone from that dept)

That's horrible of them. Bring it up with your manager.

I wouldn’t let that one lie. Reigning in - blimey. Are you a little woman who needs a firm hand 😵‍💫

I'd reply all and copy in your manager 😂

Reining in could mean you or it could mean the situation. Hard to know...

I'd open the meeting with "Good morning, so you've drawn the short straw of reining me in"

I'd reply 'neigh'. Or: was this meant for me - or the horse?

How rude of him - and to write it in an email. Is he a bit thick?

Oops. Honestly, I think they’re just really busy and don’t want to be bothered with problems. Let the person they’ve delegated to know what the problems are and then they can decide whether to take them higher or not.

Definitely do not get publicly shirty about this: it will make you look like a snowflake.

This.

I'd wait to see how the meeting goes. If you feel listened to I would then leave it.

If you feel they are just paying lip service then raise with the senior manager and your own manager.

Knee jerk me would be doing a reply all just saying excuse me?? And highlighting the reining in in red and bold.

I wouldnt let it lie though, I would discuss it with your manager and for the dick to know that you know. And keep it saved as he sounds like a dick and guarantee this wouldn't be his first rodeo.

Copy in your manager and HR saying, ‘thank you’ 😂

You can ignore it and hold as ammunition for another time. Send back a comment saying I don't think I should have been included in this... Or hit it head on and say what's this all about am I not appreciated and need to be patted on the head? Up to you really how you choose to tackle it.

I think it would be better for you if you took the moral high ground rather than a knee jerk reaction. But let them know you know in a subtle conversational way. This would be something that would cause me to eye roll and be wryly amused at their mistake rather than get upset.

Do they think you're Shergar is disguise? Reigning in... I wouldn't stand for that! no... neigh.

I probably wouldn’t phrase it quite the way it’s been phrased but I’ve definitely expressed similar sentiments when I feel another team is being a pain. It’s not great but I don’t think it’s a massive deal.

I would reply saying I wouldn't need reining in if you were doing your job properly. Sorry im pulling you up on it, maybe step up and you wont have to rein me in! But that would make me exceptionally angry and I couldn't help but respond.

This is one where false innocence might be the best way to play it.

I'd send to my manager saying "how would you interpret this?"

When your manager discussed it with you, you can say "giving him the benefit of doubt, he might be talking about the project!".

At least your manager will knows the type of asshole you are dealing with and I suspect offer to join you in the meeting or at least raise it with him.

I would also now make the person who passed the email on take the meeting as well. Which they will now as will be concerned about hr!

Tell your manager. I would expect them to challenge the senior manager on their poor conduct.
Especially given that your manager asked you to send this email so they need to present a united front.

Yes, good comeback!

To me, reining in could mean you need to all get aligned?

it’s shit, but I imagine the flip side of this will be you do get listened to and some of the blockers miraculously get resolved 🤣

It sounds like the work you are doing is possibly highlighting issues within that area which naturally they are defensive too

enjoy the moral high ground here

Storm in a tea cup in my opinion. Ignore it and just focus on doing your job. That’s what I would do.

It may be the situation that needs reining in, not you. Just that the two sentences were together.

Copy in your manager and HR

Don’t do this: it’s pathetically passive aggressive and will lose you everyone’s respect and trust.