Senior Manager comments sent to me by mistake

[Melanieee]

Need to share as I’m unsure if I’m just feeling a bit ‘hurt’ as it was something I perceived as negative, or if it wasn’t actually a big deal and I’ve worked myself up.

I’m in a project role in a big corporate, working with a new department at the moment. There’s a number of issues with stakeholders I am working with so my manager suggested I emailed the senior manager of that department with a summary and suggest we hold a call to discuss a way forward. I did this as suggested.

I then had a notification where the email simply said ‘will do’ so was a follow on from an earlier email.

The earlier email was the senior manager forwarding my email to someone on his team and he said ‘Put some time in with her will you so she feels listened to. Needs reining in.’

The colleague had (I assume) included me as they likely typed my name in the subject to see my job/department details etc.

I feel really shit, I haven’t replied or told my manager as it happened late on today.

I'd have replied to all to ask for clarification, whether he was referring me to or the situation. I wouldn't just give him the benefit of the doubt.

Having read the OP's updates, I think her manager is the one in the wrong. She put her in that situation, but now won't do anything to back her up.

I would reply and say, ‘I don’t think this was meant for me and I’m disappointed and hurt that my colleagues speak about me in these terms. I hope our face to face meeting will be an open and honest one.

I wouldn't. Saying 'hurt' makes it very snowflakey.

It is totally dependent on whether you have interest in longevity and promotion at the company. Unfortunately, if you are otherwise happy then you need to move on. It happens, people are not always kind and in my experience if you make a fuss and they are more senior than you, then you will suffer for it ultimately for little to no gain.

edited for typos

This! They should feel bad, not you!

They would def know that I’d seen it! Not quite sure what I’d write back, but it would be something and not nothing!

This all gives me flashbacks to my time working for big corporates and I’m so glad I don’t anymore.

Reply all:
”Did you mean to send this to me?”

You know what you read!

That’s a senior manager telling a subordinate to perform emotional management on a woman who raised legitimate stakeholder concerns — as instructed by her own manager — and framing her professional communication as a behavioural problem that needs to be contained.

You are allowed whatever emotional reaction you want! This is awful!

If you are going to b held responsible for stakeholder buy-in and that’s your manager’s support, I would consider starting to look for another job. Given you are experiencing problems with buy-in, I would expect your manager to be providing support on something that’s actionable - even if it’s advice on how you can best turn it around (which “ignore it” definitely isn’t). It sounds like you might have been set up to fail.

Whats the fact shes a woman got to do with it?

I'd be knocking on his door, but then that's why I'm self-employed!

I would personally respond, including the senior manager and say something factual and unemotional like ‘Thank you. I would appreciate the time to discuss a way forward on the project. Can I also clarify the reference to ‘reigning in’? Many thanks.’

I suspect they mean you need reigning in but as they haven’t said that I would act a little innocent and check their meaning as if you accuse them of something it could reflect badly on you.

So basically they reined you in 😂

I think it would be a mistake to take this too personally. Everyone, no matter how good they are, will at some point receive a slightly negative comment from someone else. That's life. I get that you weren't intended to see it, but it could easily mean the situation, rather than you, needs to be reined in. It's a positive that the senior manager even wants to acknowledge you by agreeing to a meeting, even if ultimately they don't take a whole pile of notice of it. Complaining directly about this would be a mistake, but making a jocular response about being reined in, copying your manager, would make your point, cause them a little embarrassment, and , if done properly, garner their respect. A direct display of being hurt and upset will do the opposite and could even make you look a bit sensitive and weak.

This happened to me. I replied to the email and said ‘I don’t think this was meant for me.’ And CC’d multiple people in. As a passive aggressive away of pointing out what they had done

At first it can sting a bit seeing something like that written about you, but in reality it’s not actually personal. It’s typical shoot the messenger behavior.

I’m also in project management in global corporate company, and come across this often.

No one likes being told what to do, especially senior management so naturally they are not besties with project management teams, they need to maintain some degree of control hence the use of that language.

Two routes, you get it addressed by HR (language is offensive), and you’ll have this happen more/taken off the project. Or you show them the value you bring by not going to war with them and move the project forward in a way that works for all stakeholders and get an ally from them.

I’d recommend the latter, but also when you meet with the delegate, light heartedly address it. Not knowing details, can’t make suggestions, but I’ve said along the lines of “ I know <topic> isn’t the sexiest thing but it needs to be clarified so we can put it to rest, what are your thoughts?” Get them talking first.

I wouldn’t take it personally. It shows you’re doing your job well. Their department needs to make some changes in what they’re doing and that’s what you’re there to tell them about. Understandably, they don’t want to hear it. Doesn’t mean you’re wrong.

Yes.