Senior Manager comments sent to me by mistake

[Melanieee]

Need to share as I’m unsure if I’m just feeling a bit ‘hurt’ as it was something I perceived as negative, or if it wasn’t actually a big deal and I’ve worked myself up.

I’m in a project role in a big corporate, working with a new department at the moment. There’s a number of issues with stakeholders I am working with so my manager suggested I emailed the senior manager of that department with a summary and suggest we hold a call to discuss a way forward. I did this as suggested.

I then had a notification where the email simply said ‘will do’ so was a follow on from an earlier email.

The earlier email was the senior manager forwarding my email to someone on his team and he said ‘Put some time in with her will you so she feels listened to. Needs reining in.’

The colleague had (I assume) included me as they likely typed my name in the subject to see my job/department details etc.

I feel really shit, I haven’t replied or told my manager as it happened late on today.

Me too 🤣

Even if they meant it about you, it's ambiguous enough that they can argue it pertained to the situation and was just badly worded.

On that basis sending back snarky remarks or copying in HR will reflect badly on you.

See how the meeting goes and don't send anything in anger.

I'm in the rise above it camp. Everyone responds defensively to criticism, even if the person is right.

It may also be that the tone of your email read badly to them. You may not have intended this but again, we all receive things that get our backs up and often it's just that tone is lost in emails.

It would be a good idea to put your own email into Chat GPT (redacting any personal information) and ask it about tone and how it may have been construed. It may be an interesting take on the other side of this.

And if it can find nothing it's reassurance if you do need to take it further.

My interpretation of this would be that there was something about my email that the senior manager hadn’t liked. I’d therefore show the whole email trail to my manager and ask him what he thinks I might have said wrong. Put it across as if you’re trying to learn from it, which, actually is true. If the senior manager isn’t happy with how you’re doing things, you need to know.

first save it on your hard drive
then send it to your manager and ask him to reign you in.... no seriously, fwd to your boss and tell him that you want to be reassigned as the project lead is unprofessional

Some of these replies are insane. Seriously? I'd just discuss with your manager and they can take it forward if it's worthwhile. You can discuss together how to handle the meeting with the person who's been assigned to handle you!

“Thanks for the cc — feels like the email distribution may be the thing that needs reining in”

I had a nasty message in an email once. As we worked in the same building I went to her desk and said calmly, can we have a chat about your email?
She looked terrified. We went into a meeting room and talked about it calmly and came to a resolution.
I just said I was a little surprised by your email. Could you explain further? and then shut up letting the silence get uncomfortable until they start talking.

If you can do it face to face, I’d suggest that.
It puts them on the back foot having to explain to your face rather than hiding behind email. It makes you look stronger as you are literally dealing with it face in.
And there’s nothing you put in writing that can be picked at / mocked afterwards.

and he said ‘Put some time in with her will you so she feels listened to. Needs reining in.’

Such a male thing to say about women. He's a sexist twat.
OP, you're right to feel hurt.

What happened?

Well, this is why I never ever discuss work things on emails etc if it cannot be seen by everyone including my regulator. They should have spoken face to face but I see your manager is too busy, so he emailed somone.

even when the manager etc would want to check my emails to others, they are always written in the way that my regulator would agree with me. Yup, my regulator has high standards and so do I.

the idea I should not correct repeated mistakes by highlighting they are being repeated, for no other reasons, is for the birds.

I feel curious about the idea of reining in and what it is in your e mail that unwittingly triggered it. Assuming your e mail.was reasonable. It's kind of defensive. Could just be his personality of course.
Agree with the poster above- that might be a useful thing to understand, before reacting.

Agree with the people saying take the meeting and see what happens. It isn’t necessarily personal and it’s given you a heads up about where they are at. In my view the absolute worst thing to do at this point would be to let on you’ve seen it or escalate to HR or the like.

A lot of these answers are bonkers. Save the email. If this escalates in a way you don’t want, you have a paper trail. Best case scenario, they realise they fucked up and have to be seen to take you seriously and respond to prevent that outcome.

If you comment on it now, you lose the current upper hand you hold where you have done everything by the book and they haven’t responded appropriately. If you start copying in HR at this stage you look incompetent and crazy.

If your manager is a non insane person, quietly let her know about this. Bring it up as a side issue when you report back about the outcome of the meeting. “Yes we discussed X and decided going forward we will do Y. It was a more productive discussion than I expected actually…oh because of this strange email I got accidentally copied in on…’ That way she can see what you’re dealing with and is more likely to back you up. Telling tales up front looks like you’re whining about having a hard time doing the task she asked you to do.

Yup, understanding ‘reigning in’ is first port of call. I also agree.

However, to me, the manager seems to have a point he was sending across, except he used the wrong platform. These are discussions requiring : herewith, I will call you. Or let’s have a chat.

I would feel really hurt by this - it implies that they don't think what you're saying is important and it's just your feelings that need to be managed. This is an opportunity for you, though: deal with it professionally - like some others have said, raise it with your manager, and if you have the meeting, you can calmly mention it but approach it like you're trying to find a solution as you're not all on the same page. It's not the work exchange you want to die in a ditch about as the second sentence is too ambiguous.

I agree with the advice to play it cool. Give them the benefit of the doubt while keeping your eyes and ears open for any other signs that there's a problem brewing.

Some of the suggestions on here are Hollywood/fantasy stuff that will ruin your reputation.

im daft but what excatly has the op done wrong ?

I don’t think it’s a big deal.
however your own manager is a bit shit, he should be resolving the issues with senior manager and his department on his level, that’s his job.
tell your manager that that senior manager is not planning to listen to you (as this email shows) so either he resolves it on his level or it needs to be escalated above him.

or, you can still hold a meeting with this senior manager but think how you can really make him care rather than pretend he is listening

Get the bit between her teeth.

@Melanieee sorry if I missed it. Is your manager on same email or just you?

if just you, you have to let both writer and manager know a wrong email has been received I.e email not intended for you.

You need to let them know that you always drink upstream away from the herd...

I would probably let my manager know as it displays a dismissive attitude to your department's role in the organisation overall which they should know about so they can address it.

Not really addressing you. However, op says she is in a new department.

yes, teething issues linked to op and/or stakeholders are also a possibility. And I speak as someone who is very senior!

OP I would ignore, and just keep it to yourself it puts you in a higher position knowing what’s been said but not reacting.

I saw handover notes once from an accountant I was paying his bookkeeper saying if you could take over this client she’s really difficult and will nit pick.

What he meant was I questioned his work on a few occasions as he made a mistake some critical tax returns and just used software no input so I made him think!!