Senior Manager comments sent to me by mistake

[Melanieee]

Need to share as I’m unsure if I’m just feeling a bit ‘hurt’ as it was something I perceived as negative, or if it wasn’t actually a big deal and I’ve worked myself up.

I’m in a project role in a big corporate, working with a new department at the moment. There’s a number of issues with stakeholders I am working with so my manager suggested I emailed the senior manager of that department with a summary and suggest we hold a call to discuss a way forward. I did this as suggested.

I then had a notification where the email simply said ‘will do’ so was a follow on from an earlier email.

The earlier email was the senior manager forwarding my email to someone on his team and he said ‘Put some time in with her will you so she feels listened to. Needs reining in.’

The colleague had (I assume) included me as they likely typed my name in the subject to see my job/department details etc.

I feel really shit, I haven’t replied or told my manager as it happened late on today.

I know, right? Pure fantasy land.

The matter needs reigning in, not you, that’s how I read it as.
The ‘feels listened to’ bit is slightly patronising but ultimately, this person wants to act on the issue and improve it which is the result you want.

Maybe not the best advice but I would have responded saying I’m not sure I was meant to be copied in.

I would type the whole thing into Chat Gpt and follow the advice on that!

I’d do this and just carry on as normal
your manager should make the culprit aware

More or less what I said. Manager was being very lazy in his language and approach. But his messaging itself ‘could’ be valid.

its hard when you are in the thick of it, so I understand op’s feelings. I would suggest taking a day off.

Oh op how awful how disrespectful I would blind copy hr and your manager and just say something like excuse me I think you have sent this to me in error unless you wanted me to see how this is going to work going forward either way I find it offensive and disrespectful.

My Chat Gpc is saying that you should go to HR and tell them that these boys are too big for their britches and that you are taking them down... at sundown.

That’s not nice to read. Very offhand, but then it wasn’t intended to be seen by you.

However I don’t think it’s saying you need reigning in… It could be referring to whatever issues there are.

As your manager had suggested this approach in the first place, see what they think it’s referring to.

The person who sent it to you will probably realise at some point and be mortified.

Probably nothing but she’s sent a summary of issues to another department and it looks like the senior manager of that department either doesn’t agree, feels criticised or there are complexities she (and her manager) are not aware of and he has dashed off an email to one of his team. It’s pretty normal ime and doesn’t mean he has a problem with OP personally.

Every chance you could have the meeting and it will all become clear and at least your going into it knowing there might be resistance.

I'm so glad some sensible people have come along to rein in some of the more ego-driven suggestions. They haven't commited a crime; they've forwarded on an awkward email they shouldn't have.

HR person here… I wouldn’t let it go. I’d personally go to someone quite senior in HR, show them the email and ask for their advice on how to handle it. If they’re good HR, they’ll be furious on your behalf and bank that against the manager for a later date, maybe even raise it to their manager to deal with it (regardless how senior), and they’ll give you advice on how you should conduct yourself.
It’s one thing to think it, it’s another to write it down in an email ffs. Amateur hour!

At least the Senior Manager knows how to spell ‘reining in’.

Yes, this. Unless you know which it is, it's hard to know how to handle it.

The first sentence is the worst. So she feels listened to...how sexist. That needs to be addressed really shouldn't be allowed, how you do that is your choice as sometimes raising these things causes you more problems.

The reign it in on its own... its telling the person to sort out whatever points you raise so it can be read this way.

If this is one of the stakeholder you have been having problems with I would talk to your manager about it so they can see for themselves evidence of how difficult they are being.

Go to the meeting especially if its with the other person, they didnt write it and see if you can make any progress.

This won't be last time you might get a peek behind the scenes and frankly in all my years I just ignore it and remind myself there is more to life than work this is just something to earn me money to live my life and once I walk out the door its all left behind.

I'm another one who thinks they meant the situation, not you.
If it was you, it would likely have been batted back to your manager to deal with rather than someone else entirely.

Don't listen to that. More likely, they'll see you as a trouble maker as they'll be covering that Senior Manager's arse faster than you can be told there's a restructure and your role is no longer needed.

I'm 59. I've seen how HR handle these things and they always take the higher manager's side - who will gaslight you - probably use the complaint to reinforce how you 'need reigning in.'

If you go to anyone for advice - go to your union rep, who will only be as good as the person.

Oh, joke is on you. I am blind. Bed time here and lights down.

My valid contributions speak for themselves. Let’s see yours!?! Thought not!

The number of posters on here who think HR are some sort of omniscient workforce police force!

Clue: we aren't. We wouldn't give a shit if we were randomly cc'd on a random email we knew nothing about, except maybe have a good old giggle about it.

In your project role, you will be successful by identifying the issues and/or stakeholders who can block success and finding a way forward

In your shoes, I’d be glad to have been given some insight into at least some of those issues. Talk to them and others to find out what / who the real problems are

You don’t always get such a clear insight into the source of whatever the issues are. Thats already a win. Good luck.

I would talk to my line manager in the first place. I think it's best addressed manager-to-manager. If I were your manager I would happily raise this directly with the senior manager. If the senior manager is worth his salt, he should apologise for his offhand wording and explain what he meant.

I would 100% be keeping a copy of that email - it could be very useful if there are later issues with that manager.

I really didn’t want to comment on this as HR has a point too.

however, following her advice is only relevant if op is already looking for another job. Nothing good will come out of it!

I am too decent a person though, I would let my manager know I have seen it and offer no further comment. Someone suggested to do it during a chat!

People who go to Unions don’t know how to handle their own work issues. Absurd advice.

Speak to HR, you have clear evidence of misconduct of a Senior Manager - they’ll help you. Again, you’re asking for advice on how to handle the situation YOURSELF, not asking for their help to resolve it - shows you’re being a professional. It is a way of raising it to HR, without actually raising and receiving considered advice so it won’t come back on you.

Agreed!

Tough one it’s a pretty mean judgment and not something you want to put in a email in that language. I would also be put out

First of all deal with your feelings about it. Is he right are you a bit unconfident and that why it sting or are is he an incompetent individual who you need to manage up and is that why it stung.

When you feel a bit better you might have a way forward that works best in your situation.