Senior Manager comments sent to me by mistake

[Melanieee]

Need to share as I’m unsure if I’m just feeling a bit ‘hurt’ as it was something I perceived as negative, or if it wasn’t actually a big deal and I’ve worked myself up.

I’m in a project role in a big corporate, working with a new department at the moment. There’s a number of issues with stakeholders I am working with so my manager suggested I emailed the senior manager of that department with a summary and suggest we hold a call to discuss a way forward. I did this as suggested.

I then had a notification where the email simply said ‘will do’ so was a follow on from an earlier email.

The earlier email was the senior manager forwarding my email to someone on his team and he said ‘Put some time in with her will you so she feels listened to. Needs reining in.’

The colleague had (I assume) included me as they likely typed my name in the subject to see my job/department details etc.

I feel really shit, I haven’t replied or told my manager as it happened late on today.

Well do you??

It could be taken out of context, but I can see why it would hurt your feelings x

I’d take it to mean:
”We’re too busy for this and it’s not important so just go through the motions with the person (you OP) in the meeting, make her feel like you were interested and then make it go away.”

I work in marketing for corporates and have done for years, I know this reaction quite well. I think the “make her feel listened to” bit would annoy me more than the “reining in” it’s very patronising. That meeting will just be a waste of time for you, whatever it’s for or about, that team isn’t on board or interested.

Doesn’t sound at all personal though, just a cultural or historical thing

Agree. Hr won’t give a monkeys about this.

Agree too. Stakeholders in corporates often have a lot of power in the organisation especially if they or their team bring in lots of money to the company. My general rule with Stakeholders is some you win some you don’t and to focus on the ones who were engaged and wanting to work with me/my team. But I have no idea who you work for, what the issues are or what you’re trying to accomplish so take or leave my advice as you wish OP

I would fyi my boss but tell them it is in hand. When you meet with the person tasked with listening to you, that’s when you start the meeting with “let’s rein this in” and list off the things on your email again.

Shows you can deal with senior people without drama. It is a work environment and people have their priorities sometimes competes with yours. Best is to let things and comments go and just deal with the issue. Unless someone is rude or shouty in which case tell them that is unacceptable.

I would reply and be like
"Thank you for the assistance. I do agree that if we can get X Y Z reined in then we will have a better ???? on this"

Because, I would also guarantee that if what your needing assistance with if integral to your role, and it doesn't go as they want, they will state you didn't try hard enough/explore all avenues/reach out to those more experienced etc. .

I work in HR, senior and established, and if my team were responding to every employee asking about how to deal with a snarky note or making mental, or other notes on every little staff ding dong, I'd be seriously wondering what I'd done wrong as a manager to end up with staff who saw this as a worthwhile use of their time.

Yes we would advise staff on a procedure, for example if someone is considering raising a grievance but this wouldn't extend to telling them what to do about a snarky email/ one of incident such as this and id encourage them to speak to their manager in the first instance, and advise the manager further if needed. HR aren't there to sort out petty staff issues thats what managers do.

I did read your "advice" and I made my assumption because you actually said this:

"... If they’re good HR, they’ll be furious on your behalf and bank that against the manager for a later date..."

and it's one of the most ridiculous things I've read on this site for a week or two

I sent it to my manager, she said to ignore it and that that particular manager is known for being a bit forthright in their language.

I would of been raging. But can see now if could be interpreted as the situation.

Very similar happened to me about 9-10 years ago.
I don't remember the exact wording now, but basically my then twat of a boss, who had the internet savvy of a rodent, bought someone else in on an email chain between me and her, and then seemed to forget I was also there...
She basically asked this other colleague to spy on me while she (boss) was out of the office.
It was the most bizarre thing, I didn't know how to react. In the end, I stayed silent, but you can bet I saved AND printed out that email chain, in case it should be useful later.
Needless to say, mental boss retired later that year, and I ended up quitting myself a year after that. Most toxic place I ever worked.

Yes, that was my first thought too, that OP's manager should have been the one to send the email.

Ask you manager how she interpreted their "forthright" language.

Or take the hint that the manager doesn't think this is worth making a fuss about and is trying to warn OP to do the same?

I dont think asking how she interprets these comments means "making a fuss" necessarily there may be something to learn from it.

Absolutely yes to this, keep it light hearted, they will be hugely embarrassed!

Or just let it go.

Why ?
Why not try to find out what they meant and possibly learn something from it?

So now you know you won't be supported if you take it further and it may work against you. Honestly 90% of office politics is keeping your mouth shut and biting your tongue. Learnt that the hard way.

I’d reply saying, Thanks Dave, can you clarify what exactly needs reining in please.
kind regards, etc. Shows you now know what he’s written but gives him the chance to say, oh gosh the project of course not you hahaha you’re amazing

This makes a lot of sense actually. The OP sent a quite senior stakeholder an email asking for a meeting with them. They have just assumed the OP is over reaching and have delegated it downwards to a team member to meet with her. The reining in is about the manager thinking the OP has gone over her pay grade by asking to meet with him. Could be this and if so its just a misunderstanding albeit a bit of a hierarchical reaction.

Because it isn’t worth it

Hilarious. Find a way to respond that makes them feel bad.
Terrible horse references. Neigh! I’m feeling stable right now. You get the idea….

totally unprofessional

Be direct
, ask why you need reigning in?