Senior Manager comments sent to me by mistake

[Melanieee]

Need to share as I’m unsure if I’m just feeling a bit ‘hurt’ as it was something I perceived as negative, or if it wasn’t actually a big deal and I’ve worked myself up.

I’m in a project role in a big corporate, working with a new department at the moment. There’s a number of issues with stakeholders I am working with so my manager suggested I emailed the senior manager of that department with a summary and suggest we hold a call to discuss a way forward. I did this as suggested.

I then had a notification where the email simply said ‘will do’ so was a follow on from an earlier email.

The earlier email was the senior manager forwarding my email to someone on his team and he said ‘Put some time in with her will you so she feels listened to. Needs reining in.’

The colleague had (I assume) included me as they likely typed my name in the subject to see my job/department details etc.

I feel really shit, I haven’t replied or told my manager as it happened late on today.

Do what this ^ poster's husband would do. Ignore it

And this ^

Its also a lesson in never put anything down on paper that you wouldn't say to a persons face in the work place

I'd reply 'assume I wasn't meant to be copied into this email?' And leave it at that.

Could it be that the issues you need to raise are related to a dismissive and closed culture in that team? Is the manager of the team irritated that he needs project support from you to achieve something.

You'll need to use all your best techniques to get their buy in to your project. Be aware thy may be more willing to undermine rather than work with your strategy and this could be more about them or it could be you would do better with a different approach.

Forming Storming Norming Performing …. Always liked this group theory … could be you are at the Storming phase so work with it and you will get there.

Or it could be that they know their team needs reigning in and that the challenges you are facing are real but for some reason difficult for them to solve.

why are people delegating responsibility for their lives to a massive predictive text machine? It is not the oracle!

I always confront immediately. I just cant leave it but its up to you really. Id probably say domething like thanks for your email could you elaborate?
Last time they were falling over themselves to apologise. Im near retirement though so I dont worry about these things.

You could reply all. “Thanks for your note, happy to chat though any issues or concerns” and cc your manager?
if they do have something to say they can tell you to your face. Shows you have more balls than they do.

Well no... "reining in" exactly as in the OP.

I agree with this. You could choose to read something negative into this or see it as an acknowledgement that the situation is rubbish and you have valid concerns to raise.

HR are duplicitous cunts. Where were HR when Al Fayed was molesting women at Harrods - oh yes, silencing them.

Don't go to HR. They will sell you down that river. They tow the company line and they will protect that senior manager if he is important.

Where were HR at the BBC when Huw Edwards was reported by the kids parents (just watched it on Channel 5)... yep, covering up and burying everything?

That's the thing that occurred to me. OP was just doing her job. The amount of sexism still in the workplace is astounding.

I am so confused by the suggestions to go to HR as a first resort... that isn't what they're for!

I myself would ignore it and get on with the work. However, I can also see why you might decide to address it directly. But definitely don't try and get HR to do it for you!

What's the dynamic here - is the project something that will benefit them, or is it that you need their input to make your project work? Either way they obviously should be professional, but if you need them more than they need you I would be even more inclined to let this one go with grace.

My thoughts as well. This is the problem with email. If there are established difficulties with stakeholders then it's very possible they are referring to the situation as opposed to you. But yes I'd bring it up to your manager and say you were concerned reading this and weren't sure whether this was in reference to you or not as it would be quite a disrespectful comment if it was in relation to you.

Ridiculous, isn't it? People are literally outsourcing thinking - and to something that routinely makes stuff up if it can't find some clearcut text to plagiarise.

Whilst I don’t agree that everyone who work in HR is a “duplicitous cunt” I really think going to HR about this now would be a massive overreaction. HR are there to protect the organisation not you, there isn’t evidence of “clear misconduct by the senior manager” you don’t know yet why he’s reacted like that - he might have a point if for example he’s already aware/explained/addressing these issues and is irritated by them being raised again. He might be annoyed that you have raised them with him and not your manager- he might of course be an absolute arse but who knows at this stage?

You weren’t supposed to see the email. You did, now you’re forewarned and if they have realised the mistake you have a bit of an upper hand. If you escalate now I’d expect the most you’ll get is a “sorry it was forwarded it onto you and you found it upsetting” and you’ll have pissed off at least 2 people in the other team including someone senior as well as possibly your manager and the HR person who might well feel you are making a fuss about not very much.

THIS

Why did you change her reining (correct), to reigning, which is incorrect and something a monarch does?

I have a similar role and have stakeholders who are so set against the changes that have to happen that they are making it incredibly hard work.

I wouldn't respond or acknowledge the emails yet. I would forward it to my own manager who made the suggestion if the email and ask them how they would like me to respond, have done that this week in fact on 2 different issues.

It highlights it to them without you looking like a protagonist and it means that any response is sanctioned.

You dont reply to the email that was not intended for you. Its shit but you have to bite your lip, wait for the meeting and make sure your line manager understands.

Personally, I wouldnt want to stay and work for anyone who isn't on my side, I dont think it helps a career to have a manager who doesn't support you or push you forward.

Whilst its satisfying to respond to the email in a passive aggressive way its a career dead end.

If I had the nerve, I'd set up a meeting using the full chain and invite the Senior Manager, probably with either some faux positive language about finding an agreed way forward, or a more hostile rephrasing of "putting in some time so we can all go through how we need to reign in the issues in the chain below"

I know it's not the point but it's reining in - you know like pulling back on the reins on a horse. Not like the King is reigning.

this op!

I’d keep my powder dry and see what tomorrow brings, but be ready to raise it with my own manager. It’s pretty poor, clumsy conduct by the other people involved but could result in something positive for you & the team you are in.

Doesn't necessarily mean she needs reining in. Could be the situation with the stakeholders needs reining in and the manager is suggesting a colleague makes time to hear what OP's issues are.

It's an ambiguous email.