A genuine or accidentally-on-purpose email sent by mistake?

[roses19837]

Yesterday I saw that DH received a what appears to be obviously an accidental email from a former, younger female employee. The email was addressed to a group, staring 'hi all,' and from what I could see, was all about writing content for a website. Nothing to do with what DH does. DH just left the email, didn't reply, and went back to his inbox. He never mentioned it to me, but why would he? A silly accidental email is no piece of news really...

This employee left the company after an internship with my DH's business last summer.

As a bit of background, most of DH's work was from home, so he didn't see this woman in person all that often.

I used to suspect that DH was a bit too chatty and familiar with this young woman, although he never contacted her inappropriately outside of work. I met her several times when I went with DH to the office, and he always seemed smily and enthralled with her and what she was saying, which I did have words with him about, and he did later tone this down.

I wonder whether this girl 'accidentally on purpose' sent this email, in an attempt to strike up a conversation with DH? If so, would it be worth me telling DH to block her? I did used to wonder whether she liked the attention he gave her before I had words with him (she seems like the kind of young woman who would like attention, always dressed immaculately and hair styled etc). I could of course just be overthinking this

He most likely does if he's a regular, friendly kind of man and he works with similarly friendly people - it's perfectly normal to chat with work colleagues of both sexes and all levels of attractiveness. It's just other people haven't put you into a spin because they're not gorgeous young women.

I like the confidence you have that he seemingly never had a lengthy conversation with any of his other colleagues! What an odd thing to monitor.

I don't monitor it. The girl left the company last year, but it was just clear that DH had been talking to her more than the other employees. And he offered her help that he hasn't offered to other employees before, which isn't in and of itself a bad thing, but I suspected he only did that because he found her attractive. He didn't offer help to the men or to the other girls.

But you were slagging her for being young and well groomed.

Why would she fancy your husband? And why would she contact him in a group email as a subterfuge?

I have met plenty of people through work who have been good company. Some of them have even been good looking.

I have a MacBook and it doesn’t tend to show people’s profile photos so big that people couldn’t help seeing it.

she seems like the kind of young woman who would like attention, always dressed immaculately and hair styled etc

That’s a pretty disgusting take. Since when does looking put-together mean someone is “asking for attention”? Women are allowed to exist, dress well, and take pride in themselves without being judged or reduced like that.

It's not for an intern to manage/deflect the infatuation of a much older man. I also highly doubt her styling choices were made to ensnare him, but rather to look professional.

@Love2read12 No I don't blame the young girl. I said I think she enjoyed the attention but I don't think it was her fault.

OP I have genuine second hand embarrassment here.
You need to have a serious check in with yourself, this is not normal and acceptable behaviour!

So you have a husband problem and a controlling one of your own. Why have you written this post? Everyone staying the same thing and you repeatedly state the same. You trust him and 30 years together. What is the point of this post? So everyone says she’s this or that. You don’t seem to what to reflect on your behaviour at all.

How was it ‘clear’ ? Do you suffer from obsessive thoughts usually? You seem to know the details of every convo he had with everyone and what he did for them.

That isn’t healthy. If you are triggered that easily that you jump straight to wanting to tell a grown man to block a contact, you either need help or accept that you can’t get over it

Wtf have I just read?

Do you let your husband out of his cage once a day at least? I would highly recommend you get some therapy @roses19837 because you seem to have alot of issues.

You read his work emails, read husband messages, follow him to work and interject in his conversations, tell him who he can and can't speak to? Is he allowed blink or do you have issues with that too?

I agree with PP falling you unhinged... thats the only fitting description I can think of.

Edited for typo

By the way, a female of working age tends to be known as a woman - it’s far less infantilising.

What's going on @roses19837? You're clearly checking his messages and emails, no way did you see what an email was about just by glancing when you walked by. What's happened to make you feel you need to do this?

I've been you and it was because I had been cheated on and I needed constant proof that it wasn't happening again. I was so unhappy, and I'm getting the same vibe from you.

Well aren't you a delightful little red flag 🤣🤣🤣

I'm sorry OP but this has turned you loopy. You either need to decide to trust him or leave him because you don't. It's no life obsessing over boring emails from someone he's never even been alone with.

Ok so it’s your husband you don’t trust.

That’s why you want him to block her.

I think you need to sit him down and have a serious talk. You need to tell him exactly how you’re feeling and why you don’t trust him.

If he’s got nothing to hide and has absolutely no interest in this ex-colleague then surely he’s going to say that and will reassure you.

Also are you this misogynistic to all women?

Don't trust your hubby then?

@LiviaDrusillaAugusta It was obvious that DH spent far longer talking to that woman because of things they mentioned to each other when I went to the office. DH also came home telling me all sorts about her (she's done xyz, she likes xyz, that's impressive isn't it? etc), which he hadn't done with any of the other employees, who I barely hear about.

No, I do. He hasn't done anything to indicate wanting to cheat.

If he hasn’t done anything then why the venom towards the woman?

Honestly, you sound completely unhinged. This is clearly a husband issue either way, he’s married and you said he was eying her up and starting conversations whilst grinning like a cat? Well of course she is going to continue a conversation with the person who employed her?! So let’s not blame the young attractive female purely for being a young attractive female, thank you.

Yabu. You have got yourself wound up over nothing.

How did you even know your DH received such an email?! I have literally no clue what emails my partner receives at work!

I've never been cheated on by DH. We've been together since we were 20 at uni, got married just after graduation. We've both worked from home since the mid 00s, as we both have our own businesses. DH wouldn't have had the time to cheat - I'd have noticed any suspicious behaviour.

I was unhappy last year when DH was mooning over a woman who was late 20s, early 30s at the very most. He didn't try to act inappropriately, but it was just his over interest in her compared to his other employees. I did have words with him about this, and he did agree to tone down his friendliness.

I can’t believe you’ve put this on mumsnet. It is such a non-issue.

I am very hard line about appropriate behaviour with the opposite gender (no flirting or excessive gazing or attention- both me and DH choose to adhere to this), but this really sounds like it’s not worth a whole mumsnet discussion.

You didn’t like the way DH noticed her, fair enough. You also say there were no hints or efforts to cheat. She is also out of his life. It’s one random email sent to many. Honestly if she was trying to initiate something with him I’m pretty sure she would’ve just emailed him with a ‘hi how are you’ type email. What a long convoluted way to try to get attention from someone!

Either you let this go or you tell him that if she tries to get friendly with him he should block her. But this on its own? No, you would be unhinged to act on it.