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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

A genuine or accidentally-on-purpose email sent by mistake?

337 replies

roses19837 · 25/03/2026 19:50

Yesterday I saw that DH received a what appears to be obviously an accidental email from a former, younger female employee. The email was addressed to a group, staring 'hi all,' and from what I could see, was all about writing content for a website. Nothing to do with what DH does. DH just left the email, didn't reply, and went back to his inbox. He never mentioned it to me, but why would he? A silly accidental email is no piece of news really...

This employee left the company after an internship with my DH's business last summer.

As a bit of background, most of DH's work was from home, so he didn't see this woman in person all that often.

I used to suspect that DH was a bit too chatty and familiar with this young woman, although he never contacted her inappropriately outside of work. I met her several times when I went with DH to the office, and he always seemed smily and enthralled with her and what she was saying, which I did have words with him about, and he did later tone this down.

I wonder whether this girl 'accidentally on purpose' sent this email, in an attempt to strike up a conversation with DH? If so, would it be worth me telling DH to block her? I did used to wonder whether she liked the attention he gave her before I had words with him (she seems like the kind of young woman who would like attention, always dressed immaculately and hair styled etc). I could of course just be overthinking this

OP posts:
roses19837 · 25/03/2026 20:45

PoppinjayPolly · 25/03/2026 20:44

Oh I think op is coming across as such quite strongly!! she seems like the kind of young woman who would like attention, always dressed immaculately and hair styled etc)
is that why you dress as you do op? Why you style your hair? For the male gaze…. and attention?

I have short hair and tend to just to wear casual clothes, jeans T shirts, sports clothes. I don't wear make up unless I'm going to a wedding/christening, and even then not much.

OP posts:
roses19837 · 25/03/2026 20:48

Evaka · 25/03/2026 19:56

Fucking hell OP, this is a lot. No, don't tell your husband to block an ex colleague because he found them charming and interesting.

I think he also might have found her attractive, despite the fact she is 20 years younger than him. And I think she might have sensed this and loved the attention, which is what I didn't like about her.

OP posts:
roses19837 · 25/03/2026 20:50

BlueMum16 · 25/03/2026 20:20

Exactly.

And why are you seeing his work emails? Seems a tad over involved if not controlling.

He was on his laptop at the dining room table and I just saw it as I walked past.

OP posts:
roses19837 · 25/03/2026 20:52

Batties · 25/03/2026 19:57

You can’t actually be serious? Is there some background information you are leaving out?

No, I put the background in my original post; that DH used to like chatting to this woman and gave her a bit more attention than other employees, also stared at her a few times in my presence, which I was unhappy with him and told him so afterwards.

OP posts:
BlueMum16 · 25/03/2026 20:53

roses19837 · 25/03/2026 20:50

He was on his laptop at the dining room table and I just saw it as I walked past.

So you were walking by, then then stopped and read someone's work email and now feel it's your place to police who he interacts with on a work email/device.

Truly shocked.

PoppinjayPolly · 25/03/2026 20:54

roses19837 · 25/03/2026 20:45

I have short hair and tend to just to wear casual clothes, jeans T shirts, sports clothes. I don't wear make up unless I'm going to a wedding/christening, and even then not much.

So you’re dressing in what up feel is nice? Why?

BoogieTownTop · 25/03/2026 20:54

roses19837 · 25/03/2026 20:50

He was on his laptop at the dining room table and I just saw it as I walked past.

You saw an awful lot just walking past!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 25/03/2026 20:55

roses19837 · 25/03/2026 20:48

I think he also might have found her attractive, despite the fact she is 20 years younger than him. And I think she might have sensed this and loved the attention, which is what I didn't like about her.

Sorry OP but that doesn’t sound normal. You sound really hostile, why shouldn’t someone look their best?

If you trusted your husband it wouldn’t be an issue anyway but you clearly don’t.

Has your husband cheated before? Why do you think she would be interested?

Your marriage is not healthy if you are that controlling

roses19837 · 25/03/2026 20:55

Crunchymum · 25/03/2026 20:00

Your thought process on this is bonkers.

Please tell us the massive back story as to why you think / react this way?

There isn't a massive backstory, just a slightly more padded out version of what I described in my OP.

This young woman worked for DH as an intern for two years. DH used to enjoy chatting to her, I caught him staring at her on a few occasions when I went into the office with him, which I later had words with him about and said it was inappropriate. He used to show interest in literally anything she said, when I knew for a fact he wasn't really interested in it. None of this is a big deal, I know. It just annoyed me slightly. Then I saw an email from her a few days back, and thought, 'oh ffs not her again'. 😅

OP posts:
BoogieTownTop · 25/03/2026 20:55

roses19837 · 25/03/2026 20:48

I think he also might have found her attractive, despite the fact she is 20 years younger than him. And I think she might have sensed this and loved the attention, which is what I didn't like about her.

So your DH is over attentive so she’s at fault?

BauhausOfEliott · 25/03/2026 20:56

You need some serious therapy.

BoogieTownTop · 25/03/2026 20:57

roses19837 · 25/03/2026 20:55

There isn't a massive backstory, just a slightly more padded out version of what I described in my OP.

This young woman worked for DH as an intern for two years. DH used to enjoy chatting to her, I caught him staring at her on a few occasions when I went into the office with him, which I later had words with him about and said it was inappropriate. He used to show interest in literally anything she said, when I knew for a fact he wasn't really interested in it. None of this is a big deal, I know. It just annoyed me slightly. Then I saw an email from her a few days back, and thought, 'oh ffs not her again'. 😅

She’s not the issue

roses19837 · 25/03/2026 20:59

PoppinjayPolly · 25/03/2026 20:54

So you’re dressing in what up feel is nice? Why?

Sorry I can't understand your sentence, I think perhaps you missed some words out?

OP posts:
roses19837 · 25/03/2026 21:01

BoogieTownTop · 25/03/2026 20:55

So your DH is over attentive so she’s at fault?

No she wasn't at fault, but I do get the impression she basked in the attention rather than deflecting it, which encouraged DH to continue his stupid chit chat 🙄

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 25/03/2026 21:02

roses19837 · 25/03/2026 20:59

Sorry I can't understand your sentence, I think perhaps you missed some words out?

I think it’s fairly obvious to anyone that it is just a typo - ‘up’ instead of ‘you’.

Aquarius91 · 25/03/2026 21:03

so let me get this straight…YOUR husband was inappropriate and flirted with her, but now she must want his attention because she’s pretending to email him by accident 😂 I bet she thought he was a right creep. Loved the attention indeed!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 25/03/2026 21:04

roses19837 · 25/03/2026 21:01

No she wasn't at fault, but I do get the impression she basked in the attention rather than deflecting it, which encouraged DH to continue his stupid chit chat 🙄

I hope you keep him
blindfolded now 🙄

You are being really spiteful about this woman just because of your own insecurities. Why do you stay married? It can’t be nice for either of you,

Also most companies would consider that reading his work emails is unacceptable.

Marylou2 · 25/03/2026 21:04

Wow OP are you genuinely policing your DHs emails and work interactions all the time? I never read one of my husband's work emails unless he's asked for my opinion as we work in the same industry. You're definitely overthinking this. Do you work? sounds like you have limited experience of interactions between colleagues.

PoppinjayPolly · 25/03/2026 21:04

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 25/03/2026 21:02

I think it’s fairly obvious to anyone that it is just a typo - ‘up’ instead of ‘you’.

Yep it is indeed…!

BoogieTownTop · 25/03/2026 21:05

roses19837 · 25/03/2026 21:01

No she wasn't at fault, but I do get the impression she basked in the attention rather than deflecting it, which encouraged DH to continue his stupid chit chat 🙄

Oh bless him, if only she’d been a good girl and managed his infatuation better.

roses19837 · 25/03/2026 21:05

PoppinjayPolly · 25/03/2026 20:54

So you’re dressing in what up feel is nice? Why?

I don't think I'm 'dressing up' by wearing simple jeans T shirt, and usually leggings and T shirt coat etc to walk the dogs.

OP posts:
rwalker · 25/03/2026 21:07

I’d be fuming you’ve been snooping at my emails massive invasion of privacy

BoogieTownTop · 25/03/2026 21:07

roses19837 · 25/03/2026 21:05

I don't think I'm 'dressing up' by wearing simple jeans T shirt, and usually leggings and T shirt coat etc to walk the dogs.

Was safe walking dogs in the office? No, so she wore office attire, you don’t like it, but that’s irrelevant.

BoogieTownTop · 25/03/2026 21:07

BoogieTownTop · 25/03/2026 21:07

Was safe walking dogs in the office? No, so she wore office attire, you don’t like it, but that’s irrelevant.

Was she?

roses19837 · 25/03/2026 21:07

BoogieTownTop · 25/03/2026 21:05

Oh bless him, if only she’d been a good girl and managed his infatuation better.

He was being a middle-aged fool

OP posts: