A genuine or accidentally-on-purpose email sent by mistake?

[roses19837]

Yesterday I saw that DH received a what appears to be obviously an accidental email from a former, younger female employee. The email was addressed to a group, staring 'hi all,' and from what I could see, was all about writing content for a website. Nothing to do with what DH does. DH just left the email, didn't reply, and went back to his inbox. He never mentioned it to me, but why would he? A silly accidental email is no piece of news really...

This employee left the company after an internship with my DH's business last summer.

As a bit of background, most of DH's work was from home, so he didn't see this woman in person all that often.

I used to suspect that DH was a bit too chatty and familiar with this young woman, although he never contacted her inappropriately outside of work. I met her several times when I went with DH to the office, and he always seemed smily and enthralled with her and what she was saying, which I did have words with him about, and he did later tone this down.

I wonder whether this girl 'accidentally on purpose' sent this email, in an attempt to strike up a conversation with DH? If so, would it be worth me telling DH to block her? I did used to wonder whether she liked the attention he gave her before I had words with him (she seems like the kind of young woman who would like attention, always dressed immaculately and hair styled etc). I could of course just be overthinking this

This is totally nuts

In the course of a week I will get a large number of emails from people I used to know and many I do not know who would like to sell me things or leverage my knowledge. I ignore most as I do not have the time to reply. Some, particularly young graduates and interns I might try and help. This would be both male and female. it is a tough world out there and I believe in mentoring.

I say this kindly OP, happening to see someone's work emails sounds like you are reviewing them quite often. Doing so will be exhausting and it does sound as if you feel there is something wrong in your marriage. In the absence of a back story, I think you need to think about if you might need some help.

If she was hoping to initiate a conversation, a chat, or some advice, why would she send your husband a group email about writing for a website?

I do trust him; although I didn't like his behaviour, he wasn't trying to cheat.

He was never actually been alone with that woman (there were always multiple people in the office) and he hadn't sent any inappropriate messages to her (saw his Whatsapp), just chit chat.

This is simply not believable at all

In a relationship I feel it is totally okay to set boundaries when it comes to friendships or working relationships with the opposite sex.
Despite what other people here have said, you are totally right and yes you should tell ask him to block her.

@roses19837 I wonder whether this girl 'accidentally on purpose' sent this email, in an attempt to strike up a conversation with DH?

Yeah, sure. Because women are obsessed with men and chase them constantly, and send sneaky e-mails to try to strike up conversations and start a relationship.

Get real.

If he wasn’t trying to cheat, what is your issue (except that she had the nerve to be young).

So you went through his messages and you are delighted that he wasn’t left alone with her? Does he have problems controlling himself sexually in general?

And you noticed her Google pic? How big was his screen?? And how do you even know what her Google pic looks like?

No - you don’t get to control what others do. Set boundaries - fine. Tell someone who they can and cannot contact - controlling.

I presume you would be happy with your partner dictating who you speak to?

Internalised misogyny, nice.

Everyone has said the same and given the same advice and you continue to deflect and try blame a young girl for your husband leering at her. At no point have you said well actually I do maybe need to look at my own behaviour as posters have suggested , as it’s over the top. Paranoid , over protective and unhinged as people have commented. So what are you afraid happens they chat? Have an affair.. is that her fault. I couldn’t live a life like this or with this level of paranoia. 30 years as well. I am married 16/20 years together and never been to my husbands work.

@LiviaDrusillaAugusta I do love him though...And to be honest, I know he loves me. We've spent all of our adult lives together; you can't just stop caring about someone who've you lived with for almost 30 years.

He's had no contact with the woman for months and then gets lumped in on a group email that he didn't reply to. I can't understand why it's bothered you so much, she's not that important, and never was from what you've said.

But you don’t trust him so what’s the point? ‘Casually’ reading his emails, making sure he wasn’t alone with her at all, and assuming she’s so obsessed by your husband that she found the most ridiculous way to contact him?

Honestly that isn’t love

And you may care about him but you don’t have the right to be so controlling.

No, it is actually not reasonable to tell your partner how they should behave at work with colleagues.

He didn't have lengthy chats with the other employees... And no, conversation between colleagues isn't a bad thing of course.

I do have work friends yes, but I don't give special treatment to young male employees!

These are the men that should have affairs and run as fast as they can from controlling maniacs like you

One of these is a flirty email. One is not. Can you tell them apart?

Hi Cuddles,

Hope you're OK.

Remember when I left my job with you and you let me know I could always keep in touch?

As it happens, I really need some personal advice right now and I was wondering if we could have a private chat.

You were always so attentive to me when we worked together. I think about that time a lot!

Would love to hear from you. Speak soon?

xx

Hi everyone,

Hope you're OK.

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I'd say he was included on the mailing list by accident if it was a group email. His email address probably autocompleted when she started typing a similar name.

Oh so it’s ’special treatment’?

How do you know who he did and didn’t chat to? Did you bug his office? You are creepily involved - if you were a man, people would be telling the wife to leave you

Why are you monitoring the length of chats he has with people? What special treatment is he giving her?

Oh god you’re THAT woman. I remember going to a work event and chatting to a colleague who I knew loosely. His partner was there, clinging onto his arm, and giving me absolute daggers just for having a normal, polite conversation with him. It was so embarrassing it was funny. I wasn’t in the slightest bit attracted to him, but her deranged behaviour really made me want to keep chatting to him! 😂

Jealousy is not a good look!

He didn't do anything to suggest he wanted to cheat. He just gawped at this woman in front of me, told stupid jokes, sounded fascinated in anything she said. And he'd clearly been talking to her far more than with the other employees, who he had much more minimal chats with.

Yes she has a profile picture on Google. It's only a small circle but I could tell it was her. He just has a Macbook.

So not only are you reading his work emails you are reading his WhatsApp.

Does he read your emails and WhatsApp too?

After 30 years I would expect more trust than you seem to have.