A genuine or accidentally-on-purpose email sent by mistake?

[roses19837]

Yesterday I saw that DH received a what appears to be obviously an accidental email from a former, younger female employee. The email was addressed to a group, staring 'hi all,' and from what I could see, was all about writing content for a website. Nothing to do with what DH does. DH just left the email, didn't reply, and went back to his inbox. He never mentioned it to me, but why would he? A silly accidental email is no piece of news really...

This employee left the company after an internship with my DH's business last summer.

As a bit of background, most of DH's work was from home, so he didn't see this woman in person all that often.

I used to suspect that DH was a bit too chatty and familiar with this young woman, although he never contacted her inappropriately outside of work. I met her several times when I went with DH to the office, and he always seemed smily and enthralled with her and what she was saying, which I did have words with him about, and he did later tone this down.

I wonder whether this girl 'accidentally on purpose' sent this email, in an attempt to strike up a conversation with DH? If so, would it be worth me telling DH to block her? I did used to wonder whether she liked the attention he gave her before I had words with him (she seems like the kind of young woman who would like attention, always dressed immaculately and hair styled etc). I could of course just be overthinking this

I meant physically, but I think you knew that....

I really do agree with other posters that your behaviour is highly problematic.
i also think you’ve probably made this 10x worse with your jealousy but I also don’t believe your husband is 100% innocent in this.
i do think you seem a bit obsessed with this girl too and wonder if maybe you’re jealous she liked him and not you?

I'd say he was just delighted to talk to someone won't so close minded and quite frankly... disgusting....about other women.

you check his WhatsApp’s yet expect us to believe you just happened to glance at the email!

You’re obsessed and either suspect an affair, not trust him or have massive insecurities.

I suspect the latter, sort it out?

30 years means nothing, if he decided to have a fling with “the silly young woman”.

I'm sorry, but DH objectively did stare at this woman - in front of me. I noticed and put my arm around him, but he seemed oblivious and carried on. He stared and then smiled like an idiot.

I'm not insane and I don't imagine things. The woman must have noticed.

The rest of what you say I can understand though, thank you.

For a man with no morals and no respect/love for his wife, which I'm pretty sure my DH isn't.

But you still don’t trust him? Why not?

I don't know if 'jealous' is the word, but I'll openly admit that no, I didn't like the attention my DH gave this woman, and that he seemed to like her. I didn't want her to like me; I'm not interested in making friends with a woman I have nothing in common with.

I'm not sure he was trying to get my attention when he was looking at and talking to her. Sometimes he is socially oblivious. I had to pull him up on his intense eye contact because I don't think he realised how unsubtle it was.

No, instead you have obsessed over her existence. If he is sleazing over a younger woman then he’s at fault.

You need to make your mind up - either he’s ready to cheat at any time or you trust him.

If anyone told me I should block someone because they had been nosing through my messages, their bags would be packed. Abusive behaviour is never acceptable.

Although I did laugh at you possessively putting your arm around him - that sounds unhinged 🤣

So you check his messages, kept going into the office to keep an eye in case the evil harlot made a move, put your arm round him to make a point, continue to check messages, keep a mental log of how many things he has said to which people, pull him on how much eye contact he gives, call a young woman ‘silly’ and yet you said you have a good marriage?

ok fair enough. I just think you’re reading a lot into what seems like unfortunately your husband being a typical man. Lots of people, yourself included, obviously were staring at this woman. Lots of people, yourself included, probably would enjoy thinking of two people squabbling over them.
i don’t think you’re crazy, ive said what i think your husband was doing.
but i agree you have internalised misogyny anout women and i do wonder if you are using the cover of your husband to obsess over someone who’s making you feel insecure? You’ve said your marriage is good. You’ve said you know she isn’t interested. Your husbands behaviour is embarassing but if he is being leery people will see and judge him accordingly. Don’t feed his ego.

I'm not insane....

Ok 😬

Other people noticed my DH looking at this woman as well, which is embarrassing. I'm quite friendly with another woman who's worked for DH for several years, and she said that he was staring as well.

I meant that I hadn't imagined the staring.

I trust him not to do anything physically, or to try to initiate it, with this woman.

That may well be.
And you may well be insane. Certainly this thread would hint to it.

The 2 are not mutually exclusive.

Yet still you poke around his messages. It would be better if he had actually cheated - still wouldn’t justify your behaviour but would be more understandable

Do you trust her not to leap onto his penis if they meet? She’s apparently a ‘silly young girl’ after all

Look, plenty of women in heterosexual marriages may experience genuine attraction to other women but have no conscious language for it, especially from generations where that wasn’t even a conceptual possibility. So the feelings get filed under “threat” instead of “desire.”

And why am I thinking this?

“She seems like the kind of young woman who would like attention, always dressed immaculately and hair styled.” You’re describing being attracted to this woman and filing it under moral judgment. “She likes attention” = “I noticed her and I’m angry about it.”

Idk I’m just putting it out there?

No, I'm not physically attracted to her. If I was, I wouldn't be ashamed, but I'm not.

I described what she looks like because that's what my husband seemed to be leering at, and I didn't like the idea of him fancying a woman who looks nothing like me.

Would it have been okay if she looked like you then? Or would you still see her as [insert misogynistic term here]?

And again with the leering. You may him sound like a sex pest but you still hate her

I think this is a bit of internalised homophobia and that’s why I’m trying to be kind. She’s utterly obsessed with this woman and trying to find any way to justify it to herself