A genuine or accidentally-on-purpose email sent by mistake?

[roses19837]

Yesterday I saw that DH received a what appears to be obviously an accidental email from a former, younger female employee. The email was addressed to a group, staring 'hi all,' and from what I could see, was all about writing content for a website. Nothing to do with what DH does. DH just left the email, didn't reply, and went back to his inbox. He never mentioned it to me, but why would he? A silly accidental email is no piece of news really...

This employee left the company after an internship with my DH's business last summer.

As a bit of background, most of DH's work was from home, so he didn't see this woman in person all that often.

I used to suspect that DH was a bit too chatty and familiar with this young woman, although he never contacted her inappropriately outside of work. I met her several times when I went with DH to the office, and he always seemed smily and enthralled with her and what she was saying, which I did have words with him about, and he did later tone this down.

I wonder whether this girl 'accidentally on purpose' sent this email, in an attempt to strike up a conversation with DH? If so, would it be worth me telling DH to block her? I did used to wonder whether she liked the attention he gave her before I had words with him (she seems like the kind of young woman who would like attention, always dressed immaculately and hair styled etc). I could of course just be overthinking this

@roses19837

How do you feel about yourself?

Do you feel attractive?

Would you like DH to “moon” about you a bit more?

There is a reason the intern is still getting under your skin.

I think this may be more about how you’re feeling than anything else. If you’re not drip‑feeding information, and your husband has never given you a reason to feel paranoid, it may be that you’re overthinking the situation.

It’s also possible that she added him by mistake — that’s very easy to do, especially when platforms suggest people you’ve previously emailed or interacted with.

The comment about her appearance (“she seems like the kind of young woman who would like attention…”) comes across as insecurity rather than evidence. Taking care of how you look doesn’t mean someone is seeking attention, and that assumption feels unfair..... quite weird actually!!

I think it’s a bit of a shock when you’re in a long term, steady relationship when you realise the other partner might be attracted to someone else and perhaps enjoy the attention or difference of them. It’s new and flattering. The best thing to do is to talk about it together, tell him you feel a bit threatened still and see what he can do to make you feel more secure (this might be blocking contact or more reassurance). It’s one of the tests of marriage, I think, to see how you negotiate these blips.

Maybe also you need to reassess your relationship? Has it become complacent, does it need more excitement, more connection?

The male in question being your actual boss too. Imagine going to work and not speaking to your boss 😂

Not just the boss, the owner of the business. after an internship with my DH's business last summer. She probably thought she couldn't tell him to back off without causing problems for herself. I do think that her no longer working there despite doing an internship there speaks volumes.

Are you usually this insecure?

Do you think he'll fuck her because she sent a round robin email about writing web content that clearly was aimed at someone else?

You have a husband problem in that case. But no you can't demand he blocks people just because they are younger than you and female.

Somewhere, this poor woman is probably thinking "shit! I accidentally copied in creepy Colin instead of nice Colin. I hope the staring perv doesn't use it as an excuse to try talking to me again."

This!!!

Do you think he'll fuck her because she sent a round robin email about writing web content

😆

If you trust your husband then I don’t see the problem. He hasn’t replied to the email, I assume isn’t going to, and probably now thinks this woman is a bit incompetent because she’s CC’ing random people into what should be confidential emails. If she likes attention I’m sure she is getting plenty where she now works. Is your issue that DH didn’t immediately delete the email and block his former colleague/intern, or that he didn’t mention the email to you - as you said, why would he? I think this is a non issue

Yes, but I think the issue is the op didn’t say this and came up with the “just passing by but read a whole email” story

Indeed. There is some serious internalised misogyny on display here and some deep-seated insecurity about herself.

If I were OP, I would recognise this and talk to DH about the fact that, over the years, I have felt a little bit isolated when he is working away and insecure in myself - which his totally natural if she is likely peri-menopausal and the marriage is a long one and may have got a bit stale. I think she needs to talk to him about the way she feels about their relationship and herself - not about some random woman he worked with once - and they need to make a plan as to how to assuage her feelings and revitalise their marriage when he is home.

I think she is projecting her feelings of insecurity onto this woman - he likely didn’t ‘moon’ about her at all. And for all she knows he does rave talk about her and how proud he is of her at work.

Spot on!

Where is that bloody laughing emoji!!

A group email none the less.... She'll be a busy girl 😂

Question - Why are you snooping into his emails?

She wasn't!

She was just casually passing by his laptop (and happened to read the whole email AND check to see if her husband had replied within the few seconds she was walking past.

@roses19837 would you be kind enough to clear up an issue I have with something you have said please? In your first paragraph above you said that:

"We've both worked from home since the mid 00s, as we both have our own businesses ..."

The bit I am rather confused about is, how has your DH managed to work from home for the last 20 years, and yet you have been into his office and seen how he interacts with all of his staff, and only inappropriately with that one women while she was doing her internship? Do you live in a massive house where he has his own area/wing that houses him and his employees, and if so, why was he doing his business work on your dining table? I genuinely don't understand!

It's the modern day equivalent of putting a glossy card with a photo of you scantily clad offering "services for hire" in the phone box outside The Kings Arms on the corner.

So because some likes to have their hair done and look immaculate they are seeking attention. I think you have problems.

You police his emails.
You police who he can and cannot speak to...

I really don’t get it. People like attention. She didn’t marry you and promise to love you forever - your dh did and he left the email anyway, so he’s sticking to his vows.
what’s the issue?

I see where you're coming from Op. Sometimes your intuition just picks up on these things.

I have gotten 'accidental texts' and I know in my heart it was a form of innocent manipulation.

Unfortunately you can't control your husband. You need to trust he won't take it further.

she seems like the kind of young woman who would like attention, always dressed immaculately and hair styled etc

Who needs men when we've got our own misogyny?