A genuine or accidentally-on-purpose email sent by mistake?

[roses19837]

Yesterday I saw that DH received a what appears to be obviously an accidental email from a former, younger female employee. The email was addressed to a group, staring 'hi all,' and from what I could see, was all about writing content for a website. Nothing to do with what DH does. DH just left the email, didn't reply, and went back to his inbox. He never mentioned it to me, but why would he? A silly accidental email is no piece of news really...

This employee left the company after an internship with my DH's business last summer.

As a bit of background, most of DH's work was from home, so he didn't see this woman in person all that often.

I used to suspect that DH was a bit too chatty and familiar with this young woman, although he never contacted her inappropriately outside of work. I met her several times when I went with DH to the office, and he always seemed smily and enthralled with her and what she was saying, which I did have words with him about, and he did later tone this down.

I wonder whether this girl 'accidentally on purpose' sent this email, in an attempt to strike up a conversation with DH? If so, would it be worth me telling DH to block her? I did used to wonder whether she liked the attention he gave her before I had words with him (she seems like the kind of young woman who would like attention, always dressed immaculately and hair styled etc). I could of course just be overthinking this

Why is attention such a terrible thing to want anyway? It's a basic human need. Lots of childhood behaviour could be resolved easily by recognising that rather than playing up by "attention seeking" children are seeking to have their needs met, and that doesn't really change for adults.

It's entirely down to Dh whether she gets the attention she needs from him.

Doesn’t really add up
they all hardly seen each other other
the story about casually glancing at laptop yet got an amazing leave of detail
love to hear the full story seems very one sided
i think OP has convinced herself

This. Your 40+ husband and two kids and angry ex wife are not the prize you think it is. Shes probably nice to everyone and outgoing. He enjoys you thinking he’s actually got a chance with her and so makes you jealous to inflate his ego.
dont let him.

If you are really that worried check his phone.

Like reading his emails, another thing that’s unacceptable!

Sure she already admitted to going through his WhatsApp 🙄

Is that how Bonnie Blue got started? 🤣

To be honest, I didn't suspect an affair, I was just annoyed by DH's behaviour around this woman and found it highly disrespectful and embarrassing to me. DH hadn't had the opportunity to be alone with this woman; he works from home 95% of the time, as the office is over an hour's drive away. When he did go in, there was always a group of employees, never just this woman.
DH and I go to pubs together on Friday and Saturday. There hadn't been any unusual, out of character outings by him either. I did look at his Whatsapps to this woman and it was just chit chat, him wishing her well with projects or recommending things (books, museums etc) to her he thought she'd like. Odd jokes thrown in, but nothing inappropriate.

I don't think he would want to jeopardise our (30 year) marriage and hurt me over a fling with silly young woman who he, to be honest, doesn't truly care about, but just finds pretty.

We're 50 and don't have any kids, but I see your point. I don't know whether he believed he actually had a chance with her; I don't think he would ever throw away our marriage. I do think he enjoyed her responding to his attention, and that it fed his ego, which irritated me.

‘Silly young woman’?? Wow.

Would she have any choice in all this or is your husband so hot that she won’t be able to resist him?

This is not a healthy relationship and, kindly, you need to get a grip. If you think he’s incapable of keeping his kecks on around any women he finds attractive then you will forever be snooping.

I would consider someone poking through my messages unforgivably intrusive, but that might just be me

’her attention ‘ - in other words her professional interactions with her boss.

The way you are going, you are making your husband’s life miserable. If the sexes were reversed, nobody would think it acceptable to be that controlling.

I didn't get an amazing level of detail from the email, but yes I did see it and was close enough to read when I walked past. And yes I did look, I couldn't resist when I saw that woman's Google profile photo.

DH used to see this woman in the office (DH works from home usually, we live quite far from his office), about once every 4-6 weeks, then last year it was often less. I had spoken to DH about his behaviour, over friendliness and staring at this employee, and asked him to think about the impression he was giving to her, last year. He knew I was not impressed at all and I think he did reign it in. I also went into the office with him several times from then on, and I sometimes did menial admin tasks he usually did when he went in, while he chatted to the blokes next door.

Which brings us back to the question - why are you upset by an innocuous group email from this woman? She hasn't done anything wrong at any point, according to what you've said. And your husband is committed to you, so he probably hasn't done anything wrong either.

It's remarkable that you're calling her silly, by the way.

He knows he has no chance with her. That’s why he’s trying to make you jealous. Imagine the bragging down the pub - wifey didn’t like the attention I was getting from this hot young thing, so I had to block her. There’s a reason he left his laptop open on that email - he wants you to look.

were all human and in need of attention but he is being quite juvenile and obvious to outsider.

You started going into the office so you could keep a close eye on him?

And what are ‘menial tasks’ that you felt compelled to do so you could ensure he didn’t say more words to her than he did to the men.

This is not the way to live. Stop snooping through his stuff, if you don’t trust him then split. If you do then allow him some privacy.

I’m sure you provided a certain about of amusement to the people in the office though - including her

I've never obsessed about my appearance, or fussed over hair or make up. I'm quite outdoorsy and sporty, as is DH, which is how we met, through a mutual interest in a sport at uni.

I've always been quite slim because of our active lifestyle, always going on walks/hikes/cycling. I've always dressed simply and practically, and never been really into clothes like some women are.

I suppose I didn't like the fact that my DH could have his head turned by the type of woman the intern is, who is nothing like me. I hoped he wouldn't like someone like that, even though I know she isn't any real threat to my marriage.

I didn't really say much to them, just 'hello, i've just come to sort out ___'. They just all got on with their work.

She turned your head too sweetie. If she was flirting with you and your dh got jealous you’d be flattered too.
its your attention he’s trying to get, not hers. Remember that.

He was sitting at the table on his laptop, and had been replying to emails for quite a while (he gets a lot). He didn't leave his laptop open with a particular email on for me to see.

But the rest of what you say is probably true.

You snooped because you think she’s a ‘silly young woman’ and who dared to speak to your husband.

if you want to live with this bitterness then crack on. The mother of a friend of mine found out her husband was cheating and determined to stay with him just to prove a point.

50 years later and they are miserable as sin.

Yes but the daggers you were giving her probably gave the game away. Most of us can recognise the jealous wife

You are the biggest threat to your marriage at the moment. If a man was poking through his wife’s messages because she had a younger hot colleague who took care of himself and made sure he came into the office to keep an eye on her, people would rightly call him abusive.

The type of woman his intern is.... who is nothing like you?

So she isn't a controlling, misogynistic unhinged woman? Good for her!

She had no choice but to leave because DH and his co-owner had no position for her. Her area was no longer needed by the business.