Dh sulking after being away

[Overitagain88]

Dh has been away for a couple of days with work. Left sunday lunchtime and back today about 16:00 so just over 48 hours away. And is now sulking that we haven't all made a massive fuss about him being home

For context there is me and 2 kids at home (9 and 5) i WFH on a tuesday and had just got back from school run (agreed I take a later lunch break on WFH days) and was just jumping on a call as DH came back

Kids were up playing in their bedrooms and didn't hear DH walk in

We then had to leave for a sporting activity we do on a Tuesday about 30 minutes after he walked in so it was all a mad rush and he is now in a strop saying we all should have made more of an effort to welcome him home

I've also had to feed the pets, sort the washing, lunches for tomorrow and finish off some work while hes sulking

I grew up with a father who sulked, gave us the silent treatment for days on end, and shouted no end...ive been left traumatised by his behaviour, nerves are shredded, had all kinds of counselling, tried medication for my anxiety and I'm now nearly 60 and the effects are still apparent.

Please don't let that happen to your DC, OP.

When i go away, I am lucky if I even get a look up from his phone from him
He's a hypocrite, as well as emotionally abusive.

Nah. I was the breadwinner and would have to travel abroad at short notice - I did not expect a red carpet on my return. Fully expected to get back stuck in with bathtimes, laundry, and other day to day household stuff. Straight away. It’s called normal life.

So i'm still being given the silent treatment by Dh. He's talking to the children but after our argument on Tuesday night we haven't spoken unless it about the children and logistics

Apparently me trying to explain why I did something is making excuses and turning the blame on him, as I was acting on something he said.

It may be time for you to get some help for yourself, perhaps from a women's charity that deals with domestic abuse of various types. It appears that you still think he is going to be able to sit down with you and have a rational conversation about his behaviour. From what you've posted here, I suspect that is highly unlikely to happen. Instead, things are likely to escalate in ways you don't seem able to predict right now. I wish you and your children all the best.

Absolutely. This is the reality for many of us these days. The mother is the main earner in a huge proportion of families (me included). I’ve never once expected everyone to roll out the red carpet and brass band for me. I get home from work and immediately get back into family life.

Maybe it’s time to tell him that the next time he goes away for work he doesn’t come back to the house.

It sounds like he's just having a go at you without saying what it is he actually wants.. which in turn sounds like he just wants an excuse to have a go at you. He sounds really resentful.. but is not giving you any clue as to why.

Its a long time for someone to refuse to speak to you just because you were all coping solo and carrying on with normal busy child routines and didn't all skip classes, tea etc.. to rush up and make a fuss of him. I can't imagine my DH ever thinking that we should all stop what we were doing and make a big fuss.. We'd get on with the children's routines and all chat once afterschool clubs and homework were out of the way... but then, he thought more about being pleased to see them, rather than accusing them of not welcoming him.

He came home and was horrible to all of you , particularly your poor eldest. And he's still being horrible to you, not allowing a proper discussion and blaming you for a "crisis" of his own making, what is it that he actually expects you to do in response to this?

I agree with @SylvanMoon you might need to talk to one of the women's charities. For advice and perhaps help to find a way through this, to see if its just an unexpected resentment over something that he can't deal with properly or if its becoming a long term pattern.
Sorry OP, I hope things calm down and you get through this soon

Initially, I thought the DH was just being a ridiculous, self-important man-child, but this silent treatment has gone on for so long now that I'm starting to suspect something else at play. He should have calmed down by now, and, if he still felt he was hard done by, he could have had a conversation with OP about what it is that he actually expects to happen when he walks through the door. Instead, he seems to be engineering a terrible atmosphere between them both which I wonder if he might be using to justify to himself (or others) whatever it is that he feels guilty about, as in 'things are awful at home, we are barely speaking'. It's a bit more sinister now imo.