What fresh hell is this

[eggsandsourdough]

High school!!

DD started last year and jesus fucking christ what a rollercoaster.

The transition has been absolutly brutal, not so much for my DD in the sense she made a huge group of friends but the sheer drama, behaviour,shocking stories.

My lovely, kind empathetic grl has turned into a monster.

I was not ready!! What a humbling experience.

Oh yes year 5/6 was awful for my DD in some ways, made difficult by one particularly unpleasant ‘popular’ girl.

@eggsandsourdough
We moved from Scotland to England a few years who. My DS in year 8, the attitude and language is awful. I’m hoping it’s just a phase

S1 year 7
S2 year 8
etc etc
scotland choose subjects for Nat 5 to study in S3 and sit exams S4 (year 10)
england chose subjects for gcse in year 9 to study and sit exams in year 11 (S5)

Scotland S5 & S6 more nat5s highers adv higers
England year 13 and 13 A levels, 2 year course sit exams in yr 13

England have an extra year at secondary school

We found 12-15 yrs a nightmare with the girl, drama with friends, girls encouraging her not to share ANY information with us (one girl even suggested our daughter move in with her and her mum as we were too inquisitive) a real rollercoaster of emotions. She eventually moved school and we got our girl back (surprisingly she moved to a single sex school and our relationship was a lot better)
Our boy, it wasn’t until 15-17 yrs it became a challenge.
He found school very restrictive, he’d come through Covid and needed to move out of the strict uniform treated like children environment.
Both kids in 20s and it is an absolute delight.
High earners, travelling the world, and still a very good relationship with us.
Keep communication open. Listen. Try not to show judgement (even if you are struggling)
Good luck

Good luck OP, I have friends who tell me similar stories!

Shit.. We're only half way through yr5 primary and I could have wrote this.. f.m.l 🤦‍♀️

I have a Year 9/zombie/dragon DD but am recently starting to see glimmers of her coming through it, sometimes she even manages to speak to me without snarling.

Ugh. Parent of a now Year 11 girl. Hang in there. Years 7-9 were a nightmare. 8 weeks to go, me and dd are so ready to leave high school 😵‍💫.

Being weird and embarrassing can be a useful weapon against teenagers but must be used sparingly. Often the threat (eg to speak to them in public) is sufficient.

Yeah it’s tough! My experience is slightly different. DD yr8 is still mostly lovely and sensible she just bloody hates high school, and mostly because she doesn’t like most of the other kids! She does have a few friends who all stay away from the drama. Maybe she’s 13 going on 25, I don’t know, but either way I think it’s such a tough age.

Wasn't like that when I was at high school a long time ago

Think this is a bit dramatic tbh. Someone isn't going to turn into a monster just from going to high school. It's clearly different these days as theres social media but the biggest thing is mixing with kids she's not been with before

Just nip it in the bud. She's made friends but there are shocking stories. Why are you tapping into all of this? I bet there are some kids in her year who are bullied and being treated really poorly. If your child isn't be thankful and maybe just ignore all the drama and the stories

She's there to learn first and foremost. Not to be a drama queen

It’s the hardest, longest slog. We are finally nearing the end. It’s been hard, even with good kids. I envy those who sailed through without bother.

I’ve just terrified myself reading this thread 😂 but it’s also made me appreciate the here and now!
My babies are still babies - age 4 and 1.5 and I am in the absolute trenches right now, but honestly I think I’ll take this all day long over secondary school.

Secondary can be a real shock after primary.

My school did have success with children with SEN, but that was because it was a smaller school (compared with other secondaries) and the protocol was that children would be initially be assigned a Pupil Support Assistant in order to help them with the literal navigation of the building from one class to another and would also be assigned buddies to help them socially.

Even then, the transition was challenging. The region would only assign a full-time PSA for children who who had the most severe difficulties.

The fact that we were smaller than other schools was a big help, however - the heads of department (and often the classroom staff) would get to know the children and the fact that someone knew them name and was willing to help made a difference.

Things weren't perfect. I recall that we had one girl who would seek refuge in the toilets when she became overwhelmed. However, that meant that if she didn't show for class one of us would be called to check the girls' toilets until we found her. As she progressed through the school, this became less of a problem.

For exams, she was allocated extra time and separate accommodation in order to help alleviate overwhelm.

My daughter is just finishing 6th year and trust me it gets better. 1st to end of 4th year is hellish, start of 5th year gets better and by mid 5th year you’ll get your loving caring sweet baby back.

My eldest is in year 8. He was born an old man so I’m very lucky in that respect. He struggle to adjust as he’s very socially awkward but has a lovely group of friends. He's 13 and a very sensible boy who up to now the worst he’s done is grunt at me. He avoids drama at all costs and gets on well with his work. That said I know it could change at moment!

I think the younger years are exhausting physically, whereas the tween/teen years are exhausting emotionally. Mine are pretty easy going compared to a lot of the stories on this thread, but I find the burden of any friendship difficulties they experience weighs heavily on me. Their problems are much easier to solve when they’re toddlers!

Oh, thank god op for setting up this thread. DD is in Yr 7. She started with such optimism, but there's been tears most days from some sort of difficulty. I'm exhausted from trying to support her, work full time and have some shred of a life now that she's going to bed later and later.

I naively thought the hard part was the younger years. They definitely were in their own way.

Communication from the school is rubbish. She's getting support of some sort as suspected ASD (I have a late diagnosis). We picked it because of their SEND dept and a good reputation and vibe, but it's a huge, busy and noisy school and I think on top of some awful friendship failures, it's all got too much.

We are thinking of moving her to the (somewhat) smaller school close by or even going private, which would be a stretch. It seems mostly to be sensory difficulties and communication misunderstandings - she is largely a happy calm girl at home.

Wishing strength to those that need it.

Really has been a shock! Her school is a big school 8 form entry 🙈. I really do like the SENCo they gave pupil passport really early on. She has 5 minute early pass, time out pass, ADHD sit and spon chair, movement card, red/green card (red if struggling, green okay), she wont entertain the TA's at break and lunch at quiet break/lunch. And will go into the SENCo office.
A big issue we have is although she has the pupil passport with needs outlined..... not all teachers follow consistently. We had a recent issue where she was unable to use her 5 minute early pass last lesson. This upset her so much that she nearly got run over crossing the road. Was crying, screaming and flapping her arms at home. I got too close too soon and ended up with a black eye. (She is not violent and this was not intentional, but she was that upset).
Luckily we havent had any issues with bullying but her peer relationships are very very limited. I take my hat off to the SENCo because if I was them I would have blocked me 🤣🤣, but they do reply even out of hours and they do try their best.
I will actually be sad to lose the SENCo if/when she moves to another provision, and although she struggles with the school environment I know she will really miss them.
Sorry my reply gor quite long 🤦‍♀️

I delayed my summer born daughter so she'll be 12 when she starts year 7 so I am hoping it helps with maturity etc especially for exam periods.

Practising teacher of almost 32 years. I concur - S2 😱. I had them period 7 today, 3pm-3:50pm. Oh. My. Lord. I need to be like a smiling assassin with unmovable boundaries, or it's chaos. I cannot let them take an inch!

(Roughly Y8 for south of the border).

YABU - the school after primary school (infants and/or juniors) is called secondary school.

Year 10 DS is breezing through school with no issues. But he does go to a state grammer where I think general behaviour and standards are inherently better.

Year 7 DD (local comp)......FML!!! She's had 'beef' with the ultimate delinquent girl and some lad (who she is also 'beefing' with) called her a c**t today.

DD can hold her own, which is part of the problem. She gives as good as she gets, is very witty, and has great comebacks when someone is in her face, but her language has become utterly appalling. Every day she comes home with some sort of shocking story. She's already had a couple of lunchtime dententions and a half day internal suspension because of her dialogue during the 'beef' with the delinquent girl.

Her behaviour at home is generally good but she now refers to me as bruh, or spawnpoint. I mean nothing could have prepared me for that!

She's always been the more challenging of my two DC's behaviour wise, but it can't get any worse surely?

My mum started her teaching career in 1971 when she was 21 and taught in a school that had a really bad rep. And still does. Area of high deprivation. Kids throwing chairs at her head. It got so bad that she walked out one day and said she was never going back. But apparently 14 year old kids being gossips is a big deal

Maybe some teachers can't control their classes - my mum learned from that and didn't allow kids in her class to get away with all sorts going forward

This thread is just self indulgent and it's putting Scottish schools down which is a shame

I never caused a teacher problems from the minute I started until the minute I left. Didn't play up or shout at teachers. Maybe if kids aren't respectful - it's on them and their parents

Many children with SEN flourish at secondary in ways not possible at primary. In a bigger setting they ‘find their tribe’ having felt quite isolated in the smaller pool of primary.
So it’s not necessarily doom and gloom all round. SEN parent and secondary teacher of 25 years here…