What fresh hell is this

[eggsandsourdough]

High school!!

DD started last year and jesus fucking christ what a rollercoaster.

The transition has been absolutly brutal, not so much for my DD in the sense she made a huge group of friends but the sheer drama, behaviour,shocking stories.

My lovely, kind empathetic grl has turned into a monster.

I was not ready!! What a humbling experience.

When I was still working in a secondary school, we had so many problems because of Snapchat. The least of it was when kids became hysterical over possibly losing their streak when told to put away their phones.

The worst was when one of my pupils disclosed that her "11 yr old" Snapchat friend "Tommy" had sent her a dick pic. Tommy was most definitely an adult male and the school contacted the police.

To add to my above post: the girl was 13. Both she and a female classmate had received the same photograph from "Tommy".

And did they still have the message? Aren't all messages deleted on Snapchat?

Mines is halfway through S2 (Scotland) and the last 2 years have been the worst I have experienced. Absolute hell.

The girl showed me the message. I'm assuming that she wanted to disclose that something was amiss.

She mentioned the age and name of their 'friend' and asked did I want to see what he'd sent them. I told the girls that the sender was clearly an adult and that their 'friend' was anything but. I immediately called my line manager, who was also our Child Protection Officer.

The police and parents were contacted. The police wanted to take both phones for examination; one set of parents refused.

I wrote a statement and this was passed to the police via our Child Protection Officer.

I don't know what the result of the examination of the phone was. The parent who refused to cooperate apparently said "I'm not handing that over - I've just paid a contract for it."

We also had an instance of a 15 yr old boy sending a picture of himself to younger girls. His parent claimed that his account had been hacked. Given his behaviour at school, I very much doubt that.

I have no idea whether there was police involvement on that one. I only know about it because the parent started to mouth off when called in about the son's behaviour towards a young member of my department.

I thought I had got away with it....my son is in year 10 and life was great....I got to cocky and let my guard down. A month ago things started going south....

My dd has been fine at school, she's pretty bright and stays out of her other friends friendship dramas. Year 9 now and her attitude has definitely deteriorated. Teenage angst and telling me to shut up or huff and puff and everything's hard work. Getting up really late on weekends and her room is a shit hole. Constant nagging to do things, seems like we have drifted apart as things end up in arguments. All in all she's a normal teen! She doesn't drink or get in trouble she's quite captain sensible in thst regard so I'm lucky there.

Year 8 was awful for DD with friendships. I think it’s often a bad year for this. Then year 9 was ‘the year of the face ache’. Dead eyed stares and EYEBROWS.

Year 9s are generally the worst in any school. Less attention on them as they aren’t in the GCSE years, but they are all too big for their boots mardy smart arses.

DS x2 had less bother with friends but both went through the awful 15/16-year old arsey teenage boy thing. ‘What d’ya mean it’s my tone of voice? I’m talking normally Mum.’

Having worked in a senior school enjoy Yr 7. Year 9 is the absolute worst and most "problems" are with Yr 9 students. They are not the "little ones" think they're all that and a bag of chips but have the "seniors" making sure they dont get too bigger their boots. Its all fun and games and even more so with girls, hormones and girl friendship groups. Start buying your favourite alcohol/cakes/chocolate in bulk, you are going to need it 🤣🤣

Make her watch Dawson’s Creek where teenagers had real problems to deal with 🤣🤣

Same here - DS is Y9 too, towers over me, is hairy and sometimes a bit Kevin like, but the majority of the time he’s a really sweet boy still

My DD is in year 7 in an independent school and so far it’s been fine! Great, even. She’s happy, got nice friends, enjoying her extra curriculars, working hard… I realise it could all go wrong though!

Yes year 9 was the worst for our family . Only for my daughters . Son was fine . I couldn’t stand how the “ cool “ girls had mothers who encouraged this behaviour! Totally obsessed that their daughter had to be pretty and popular and cool . Basically living their lives through their daughters. My daughters keep their heads down and studied . But I know they got upset by the bitchiness. All fine now . Eldest 35 and a doctor pregnant with her second baby . Youngest 28 and a high flier in the City . Both still talk about the “ mean girls “.

So far secondary has been okay… yes to some general moodiness from DS year 9. He seems to have a good, what he calls ‘sensible ‘ group of friends. My DD in year 7 is mostly having a good time but I do know that a few of her friends have epic fall outs. So far she is trying to avoid the drama. But I’m bracing myself for year 9, I hear that’s rough for girls!

My one small tip would be try to make sure they have friends outside of school through clubs etc… can make a difference if things don’t go brilliantly in school.

I had a friend who could no longer teaching in all Girls Stare Comp High School in an OK area.

She said the first years were almost feral in their attitude to her and each other. The older years were a little better but were very entitled and had awful indulgent parents who pretended to be well off.

She got sick of the lack of disrespect and left She works as a full time Private Tutor to mainly Hong Kong Children.
Whose families have settled in the UK. Not as much security but describes it as a doddle compared to her last job.

It’s bad enough with boys … lol .. mine are older now with their own families ❤️but I will say things could calm down by 18 and I know this seems like forever … but it does come around .. meanwhile .. o wish your the best as I’ve heard girls are worse but .. boys do have their issues and I had some extremely difficult times with them .. they had been through a few bereavements too so be mindful of the stress that although not a bereavement they are sort of leaving their old school days behind for a more mature environment and regimented .. it will be a shock and they will have loads and life Is more exposed these days .. my hygienist funnily enough said that her niece has turned into a hormonal girl and says “ nobody loves me “ … it’s a bewildering time and they will take it out on their loved ones .. it’s a safe space .. I remember almost trashing my bedroom I was so stressed aged 12 … I didn’t but my moods got me gobby with everyone .. I’m sure there will be some great advice on here and other groups … where SM is a really helpful tool

It’s really interesting to read all the comments from other mums and the ages of their children and what their behaviour is like in each year of secondary school. I’m a mum of two now under three years of age so not yet in that school phase but I remember my own days in school as it wasn’t long ago, about 14 years ago I was in year 9 and it was so hard, my relationship with my parents during that time, my mood swings, my anger, omg my anger! And we didn’t have social media like we do today, all the pressures of today’s society but still it was hard. I had sooooo many emotions and felt like no one understood me, and especially my parents were the least understanding of all. I thought I know best about everything (haha so stupid) looking back now I think I was so wild and gave my mum such a difficult time and I’m very regretful. I think having a strong foundation at home and a good relationship with parents is so important in helping teenagers in those times. I think accepting feelings, truly accepting them and empathising instead of scolding and lecturing and blaming and being sarcastic and everything else we do to children is so much better for them. I think as adults it’s really hard to navigate these trenches when we’re going through our own stuff with husbands/partners/parents/family and friends etc, and kids tend to be easy targets for us because we feel in a position of power when in our relationships with others we feel helpless and unable to control anything in our favour.
I’m reading some great books by Adele faber on this, how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk, and it’s helped me immensely, I’m determined to break the cycle!
Power to all you mums going through the hardships, you’ve got this

YY to this! At what point does the shattering happen usually and how do they regroup after?

Agree. My DD would come home with stories of incidents at school which sounded like she was in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. All girls serious MH stuff.

I'm so happy to read this. Mine had a similar experience at these points so hoping university is better for her 🤞

Im going through it .. for a 4th time.

Many years ago my eldest flew through it (she is 38 this year) then 2 years after her my 2nd daughter went through it ... during 2000 .. she was a bit different than my 1st ... think EMO stage, black hair (original blonde) then red hair, blue hair, green (u get the picture) then piercings, left & right side of mouth, nose (ine of those bull rings) big horrible holes in her lobes, urghh! (Thank goodness she grew out of that and they managed to close up ok)

Then, when number 1 moved out aged 22, the other one still at home aged 20 ... we decided it would be fun to adopt 2 kids (siblings) and start allllll over again.

Our son who is now 17 (adopted age 4) went thru high school like a bull at a gate - always had mates around, popular boy so all good.

His sister however .. now 15 (adopted age 2) oh hellllll on earth! Always fighting (not physically thank god) then best mates next day, came home with hickie on her neck 2 weeks ago .. suffice to say that didnt go down well with her dad. Short skirts, make up, false eyelashes & nails, tanned ... im not sure if I preferred the Emo stage with my 2nd 🤣

There should be a health & safety warning on teenagers .. its definitely a girl thing!

Still - it was a fab idea at the time lol. I feel your pain ..

Yep - it was actually yr 8 and the first part of yr 9 which were most difficult for my YPs (and looking back, for me). (2nd and 3rd year of secondary in old money). Things did start to calm down after that. Seeing your DCs suffering socially and getting their feelings hurt is probably one of the most painful and difficult parts of parenting. It does pass.

Sorry for you but do you really have to put Jesus and the F word together!

Hang on in there, it does get better. My eldest was quite the nightmare. But eventually, he got his head together and is now a fabulous young man. Good luck!