Just found out my husband of 3 years has been cheating for the past 18 months

[Gobsmacked39]

Long story short. On holiday with hubby; this is our first day of a two week holiday. It didn’t start great as his luggage was lost at the airport, so a bit cranky because of it. Trying to help him trace his luggage whilst he was in the pool only to find hundreds of messages, videos, suggestive pics of my hubby and one of his older former colleagues. This has apparently been going on for the past 18 months, whilst we’ve been married for 3 years and going through IVF in the past year. I’m absolutely devastated. I’m struggling to process what’s going on; feeling quite emotionally detached from it all - maybe it’s the shock. Things have not been perfect with IVF and miscarriages but this started way before that …. The messages broke me with I LOVE YOU being said on a daily basis. I’m reading through them and I don’t recognize my marriage; I feel like we’ve been living 2 different realities. He says he loves me but then allegedly he’s infatuated with her… but doesn’t want to break up. I can’t even process what’s going on ….

I’m so sorry OP.
kick him out the second you get back home.
You deserve so much more than this scumbag!

Awful. Leave the bastard today.

Agree

Please don't empathize with him, tuck him in or entertain his apologies. Go all gray rock with him. Silent. See lawyer as soon as u go home. The legal queen on Instagram is good if u want to educate urself on the law/divorce before u go home

There can be an advantage to her leaving early. If I had any thought that things might end up 'getting legal' I'd want the house to myself so I could gather any/all documents and financial papers and get them stashed somewhere. Ditto for precious or sentimental items. But I appreciate that OP may not have gotten to that point yet.

If not, I'd defo get a different room since I'm sure she can't force him out of the current one.

Get a different hotel for yourself and let pay.

Is she married? She's happy to ruin other people's lives so that, of course, is not a consideration. And you are certainly helping to ruin her husband's life if you don't tell him

She could well be diseased, as could your soon to be ex boyfriend. She is a lying, treacherous user - just like your soon to be ex is. She is not safe to be around - just like your soon to be ex boyfriend.

It is ethically very wrong indeed not to tell her poor husband if she is married.The only reason not to would be fear of someone being harmed or yourself being harmed.

Tell him.

And get yourself a different hotel room, of course you will feel sorry for a cringing, whining dog licking its balls in front of you - so don't look at it or listen to it. Just get yourself as far away from his possibly diseased self as possible.

it was a joke to try and lighten her stress, it was from the film the other women lol

that is classic manipulation 101, my daughter fell pregnant and he threatened to kill himself if she didnt abort the baby. please please please dont fall or listen to his bullshit any longer. run

Oops sorry meant your soon to be ex husband.

Oh OP this is just horrible. You must feel so bewildered and betrayed.

I can't stress this enough; go home. Yes the long flight will be rubbish. Tell people at home what has happened then get yourself to the airport and put some distance between yourself and this man.

Once you're back, and with the support of people who care about you, you can consider your next move without his behaviour influencing you.

Please don't stay in another country isolated with this man right now.

Sending you love - I went through IVF and it does a number on you even when everything is good.

Just get out. Do not entertain him. It's over.

As PPs say, I’d book myself on a fight home. Don’t tell him you’re going, just do. Dont buy his ticket, just sort yourself. Take the bear minimum stuff if you have to - just go.

You’ll appreciate the break from him (and maybe even the longish flight!) and have time to get your stuff in order at home. Don’t speak to him, his family or the ow again. You decide next steps - whether that is telling him he isn’t welcome home or otherwise - but wait til your home and in your own thoughts to figure that out.

Look after urself op

Please book a flight home asap. There is no point in torturing yourself trying to speak to this excuse for a man. Go home and get some love and comfort from friends and family.

Dump his ass. Find a hot waiter to enjoy before you go home

Omg! He got someone else pregnant while you were having IVF.

Send him home immediately. Tell him to put a walk up flight on his credit card. Tell him to get the fuck out of your house by the time you come home. Use the holiday to prioritise yourself and start healing.

Please don't do this - he'll probably change the locks before you get home (yes, I know he isn't supposed to, legally, but that's never stopped any man I've known).

Head home yourself and start dealing with the proverbial ducks so that you're one step ahead.

So sorry this has happened to you.

Wow - I am so sorry. For what he did but also the timing of it all and how you found out.

Go home op and change the locks on the house and start the divorce...you don't deserve this

I'm so, so sorry you're going through this @Gobsmacked39

And in a really difficult circumstance when you're so far from home.

I hope you've got some support in real life too. I would look at trying to get home as soon as possible and as a previous poster said, let his parents deal with the man baby they raised.

Sending you lots of strength 💪

That’s what it sounds like, but she could have fallen pregnant by her DH and just couldn’t be sure, or didn’t want to take the risk. OPs DH could still be the source of their fertility issues!

Where did you go @Gobsmacked39 ? I hope you are ok?

@Stepsisterfromhell hoping she’s on a flight home