Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this offend you?

152 replies

Irisrises · 22/03/2026 19:12

So I met up with a relative today and we are both having a baby. During the conversation they said:

They are having a DD and they are delighted as wouldn't want to have a DS. I said I was pleased they were having a girl as that's what they wanted but what's wrong with a DS. They made it clear they very much would really not want one. I pointed out my sons are lovely. They again said they wouldnt want one and did not say anything nice about my sons. They said it's because of 'the men that boys become'.

I have two sons and a third boy on the way. They know my baby will be a boy.

They also said they didnt think it an issue if the children shared the same name. We are close family so this would be majorly insulting for me and disrespectful to the identity of my children. Also the babies are not even the same gender.

They also said repeatedly they dont know why I am having a 3rd and why would anyone have 3 children. They said they would have 1 child and dont think siblings are important.

They have previously said that I 'was very stressed' when had my first child and they have waited until ready.

All the above was said in a light conversation tone. Their partner was there and seemed to think this was all fine too.

I didn't think about it much in the moment but got home and was like....

What on earth was going on?Ä·

OP posts:
sonjadog · 22/03/2026 19:13

They aren't greatly blessed with tact, are they..?

ElfAndSafetyBored · 22/03/2026 19:15

Yes that is offensive but they sound idiotic anyway so just ignore.

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 22/03/2026 19:15

Possible weirdness over the fact it's your third pregnancy and her first and she's miffed you're both expecting at the same time? Also sounds like the bollocks someone who doesn't have a clue spouts. Wait till she actually has a boy...

Wishimaywishimight · 22/03/2026 19:16

"Gosh, what narrow minded views!" might burst their bubble.

I could not be bothered engaging with such nonsense. Can you distance yourself?

PropitiousJump · 22/03/2026 19:18

Do they have form for conversational one-upmanship?

The only thing I can think of is perhaps they actually wanted a son and, now they've found out a daughter is on the way, they're over-compensating to get over the disappointment.

Evaka · 22/03/2026 19:18

They sound nuts. Wide berth all the way.

cannynotsay · 22/03/2026 19:23

There going to be in for such a shock 😂

Original poster
Irisrises · 22/03/2026 19:24

They definitely wanted a girl

OP posts:
Screamingabdabz · 22/03/2026 19:26

Why are you so bothered by their opinions? It doesn’t make them right. Frankly, they sound a bit thick. Just pity them for their ignorance.

JLou08 · 22/03/2026 19:27

Is the partner a male? How odd to talk about the man a boy will become. I'd just think they're idiots rather than be offended. Maybe keep a distance too, I imagine any wrong doing of their little princess when they're here will he down to your wicked boys influence.

skippy67 · 22/03/2026 19:27

It wouldn't offend me, but I'd think she's a prick.

Original poster
Irisrises · 22/03/2026 19:29

It is going to be very hard to distance myself.
I already have two sons who are now close relatives of theirs so implying boys are awful is pretty rude.

I am sensitive as having a third boy I have had many insensitive comments from other people too. A friend said 'I cried with happiness when I found out i was having a girl' and 'people want one of each' when i said my 3rd was a boy. Another person said 'will you have a 4th for a girl?'

But this was a close relative and i've had a gutful of comments already.

It's sad my baby is seen as 'less than'

OP posts:
AntiqueBabyLoanSmurf · 22/03/2026 19:29

She is strange. Does her DH also share her opinion that boys will become bad men by default, and nothing they could/would do as parents would prevent this? What a shame for them to have so little confidence at this early stage in their parenting abilities. Maybe they could sign up for some council-run basic parenting classes?

How are they likely to have exactly the same name, though, if you're having a boy and she's having a girl?! There aren't that many unisex names in common usage.

AgnesMcDoo · 22/03/2026 19:30

They were very rude

Thisismynamechhange · 22/03/2026 19:31

Since I’ve already Ncd for another thread I will contribute a bit more openly than normal.

The MN party line is that gender disappointment is reserved for the thick and the vulgar; only those who put bows on bald baby girl heads.

In RL, honestly, girls are the favoured sex. I think a lot of people stay at one and done when the first is a girl. I think when there are two children the same sex expressions of disappointment are more common when it’s two sons.

Influencers get more engagement and more input from sponsored deals and adverts when they have girls than when they have boys. Girls are much, much more popular with adoptions too.

I think you’d have to have the hide of a rhino not to be upset by it; the correct response is congratulations - but I do feel sorry for women with two or more boys.

Raera · 22/03/2026 19:31

Sonographers sometimes get it wrong - I'll just leave that there!

Silverbirchleaf · 22/03/2026 19:32

Fair enough to prefer a daughter and not want a son - many people feel like this, but comments about siblings etc is pretty poor.

I probably would feel a little hurt by their comments, and also think that they’re idiots. I would also perhaps distance myself a little. Not cut them out completely , but not be readily available

Original poster
Irisrises · 22/03/2026 19:33

@Thisismynamechhange do you feel sorry for women because of the sexism they face against their sons or because they have sons?

I'm actually quite interested.

OP posts:
Silverbirchleaf · 22/03/2026 19:33

(Mother of two wonderful boys)

AntiqueBabyLoanSmurf · 22/03/2026 19:35

Do they not realise that, although they will of course be either one sex or the other, babies are all individuals - and different in many ways?

I feel very sorry for their DD that they're already building restrictive cages for her to occupy, based on what they think she will/should be.

myglowupera · 22/03/2026 19:37

They said it's because of 'the men that boys become'.

And yet she chose to be with a man and make a baby with one.🙄

JLou08 · 22/03/2026 19:37

I'm a mother of 2 boys. No need to feel sorry for me, they are kind, caring, funny, calm, patient, intelligent boys (well one very nearly man). I wouldn't change them for the world.

HaroldMeaker · 22/03/2026 19:38

Yeah really rude. I have a wonderful adult son who is best friends with loads of other lovely young men. You just have to remind yourself that she’s a twit and tactless at that, and be done. Congratulations on your boys

Eatally · 22/03/2026 19:39

Sounds like she doesn’t like her other half very much, if she doesn’t like the man he’s become!

Boys are amazing, congratulations on your family and pregnancy.

YourSassyPanda · 22/03/2026 19:41

I’ll be completely honest, I yearned for a boy to the point I even bought little blue booties etc before I’d even found out my baby’s sex. I would have loved a daughter if she had arrived and never verbalised this but I just always pictured myself with boys. I think lots of women do want girls though and men I know seem to prefer (or at least say they want to have) boys. In our own image kind of thing. Luckily a mix is needed. Grin