Parents upsizing - AIBU

[100157ab]

Parents are retired in their 60s. They have a 4 bed detached in a nice area (not south). They sold recently for 680k. They’ve discussed all
sorts about where to move and at one point said they didn’t need the space but now saying they are actually going to upsize as they want more space and so are making an offer on a house 100k more (so 780k).

I know there will be posters saying awful things about me saying this and I do accept that. I know what I’m about to say sounds money grabbing. But… we have two dc and will struggle to pay off our mortgage for many many years despite being in reasonably paid jobs and working hard to progress. I guess it’s easy to say when it’s not actually the situation but I can’t imagine doing this instead of giving the extra 100k to my kids to help them with their homes when we’d paid off our mortgage and didn’t actually need the space in our current home!! Probably being unfair simply because it’s their money and their choice but I just can’t imagine doing that in their position!

No one is talking about being handed over everything on a plate or even being wealthy .

my parents are not wealthy and yet they support me with anything they have even though I’m 40+.

the whole argument “no one owes each other anything” is for cold hearted people who secretly hate their children

If they have extra money, would you expect them to pay your mortgage off instead of doimg something they want?

We're doing this atm. However despite me being in my 60s we're moving into a multi generational household. DD and her DH both have jobs needing shiftwork so we are offering childcare. Unfortunately im very ill so they're offering care .

If I was a parent in a described situation (where I have PLENTY left to enjoy) and my children are struggling I would have helped them

You said because you parents help you out you will help them out - that’s a transaction - had they not helped you - you would not help them.
Many of us look after our elderly parents despite not having receiving lots of help as adults with childcare and finances often after a parent has neglected a child they will still do the caring - go have a read of the elderly parents forum - it’s truly moving. That’s unconditional love.

We are early 50s and I would consider upsizing (in my head).

However, we have a teenager still in school, and both work mainly from home. We are in an average semi with 2 double bedrooms and a single/boxroom, so an extra little bit of space would make things a bit easier.

However, the mortgage is due to be paid off when I am 60. I would prefer not to have to extend the mortgage any longer than that, so uprising will remain in my head ( unless we have a big premium bond or lottery win!).

I can't imagine taking on a more expensive house at that age, unless they are able to do some without taking on extra debt or cutting themselves short.

If however, the move would mean they were in a house that was more comfortable and practical for them, and they can afford it then I would encourage them to go ahead. They need to be realistic about what will be suitable for them in 10/20 years time though. I am guessing the house they are looking at will make things easier as they get older then it makes sense to do it. They can't take the money with them so should enjoy it now.

We have been fortunate that parents have been able to help us out with some things ( not purchaing the house, but money towards some other expenses we have encounteted). It was appreciated but not asked for and not expected.

That's not what I asked. It was fairly simple question.

Also, OP's only indication of struggle is that, like most people of that age group, has mortgage for many years to come. That's not struggling!

Oh, @100157ab this is not good

It’s their money, their lives, why on earth shouldn’t they enjoy themselves and live where they want?

You are just twisting my words 🤷‍♀️ to make yourself feel better.
I’ve been financially supporting my parents for the last 25 years including major things like house renovations and foreign travel. Next month I’m taking my mom to Rome. Because we are a family. And she supports me because I’m family.

if my parents were cold hearted like many parents here are yes I may not be willing to help them. Not because they didn’t help me. But because they were COLD HEARTED.

not sure what’s moving about children caring for abusive parents because of their Stockholm syndrome

It’s hard for me to imagine because my parents don’t have any money, I support them instead.

but in described scenario by OP where they had plenty and I was struggling and they didn’t care yes I would feel resentful

For the love of god, the OP never said she was struggling just that they are not comfortable financially (like the majority of us in 2026)

She said they are struggling to pay off the mortgage
given that she’s talking about 100K as life changing, she’s clearly not living in 1m house

Yeah. But apparently older people are all selfish and uncaring and watch their poor dear children struggling.

Not.

If you had the same amount of money you have now and they had quite a bit more than you - would you resent them spending money on their needs rather than yours?

Your struggling if you’re not living in a £1million house?

Poor thing….. (you can’t be serious right?)

My dad [ born 1918] was riding horses cross country well into his late 60s...

Most people would say 100k is at least somewhat life changing 😂
Doesn't mean we are struggling....
Most people are "struggling" paying mortgage off quickly. That's why they have so long terms...

But OP must be in her 30s - who talks about struggling to pay off the mortgage when they're in their 30s? Just pay it off long term like everyone else, why don't you?

Define "struggling". Is your definition that you (well paid professional job) and your husband (likewise) are finding it challenging to pay off your complete mortgage in your 30s?

I understood it as they they are struggling with monthly repayments given all other costs

100K is a lot of money and I’d be happy to have it but it’s nowhere near of making me mortgage free for example (unfortunately I live in London)

No, that’s not what I said.
she clearly lives in much more modest house than 1m (since 100K will make a huge difference in mortgage repayments) but even in this case the mortgage payment seems to be stretching them (since she talks about struggling), this overall points to her level of income and standard of living

OP never said that @BlackRowan. You can filter by OP name and see the most she has said is that they are not comfortable financially (so therefore thinks her DP owe her). She’s not said theyre struggling like you keep insisting

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