Parents upsizing - AIBU

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Parents are retired in their 60s. They have a 4 bed detached in a nice area (not south). They sold recently for 680k. They’ve discussed all
sorts about where to move and at one point said they didn’t need the space but now saying they are actually going to upsize as they want more space and so are making an offer on a house 100k more (so 780k).

I know there will be posters saying awful things about me saying this and I do accept that. I know what I’m about to say sounds money grabbing. But… we have two dc and will struggle to pay off our mortgage for many many years despite being in reasonably paid jobs and working hard to progress. I guess it’s easy to say when it’s not actually the situation but I can’t imagine doing this instead of giving the extra 100k to my kids to help them with their homes when we’d paid off our mortgage and didn’t actually need the space in our current home!! Probably being unfair simply because it’s their money and their choice but I just can’t imagine doing that in their position!

I agree!

Btw I wanted to say how fab your username is 😬

It is, isn’t it? It makes me smile every time I see it.

why thank you!@LiviaDrusillaAugusta 🤗

and @Blossomtoes 🤗

I ‘hear’ Margo’s tone every time 😬

And whatever you do as that performative parent don’t be promising your DCs a big juicy house on a plate - you never know what’s going to happen like bil did with their 3 boys much to the horror of my sister. They are now divorced and as we all know, life has just got a lot more expensive and that hasty promise is no longer a reality. Good job they don’t have grabby kids.

In my home country women were fully emancipated in the first quarter of the 20th century so most of them worked outside the home so either had a proper demanding career or just a full time job (part time or SAHM weren’t a thing ).

Men were less involved in child rearing but what does it have to do with the level of involvement of grandparents?

culturally it is just generally expected that parents help their children through life and children help their parents, regardless of the fact that grandparents had a career and could enjoy retirement so it’s just not a valid argument, sorry.

judging from continuous threads on this site a lot of current British grandparents benefited from their own parents being more hands on grandparents to their children and yet they are now they are all about “me time”.

The OP parents own 3 other properties so yeah…

How is that remotely relevant?

And presumably the children will eventually benefit from that. Unless they decide to leave it all to the cats home.

I’d be tempted if I knew my kids were as greedy as the op

Except often children don’t help their parents - they are like the OP and expecting it one way

The point is that the children may need help now, to make a difference, rather than 3 properties when they are 65. No one is even asking them to sell these properties but the fact they want to sit on a pile of money when their child is struggling NOW with crazy childcare costs, COL and crazy mortgage costs is frankly bizarre

Agreed. LOL.

Most often children don’t help these cold parents who think their duty is done and wash their hands off their children to enjoy their cruises and multiple properties

In normal caring families, people help each other when help is needed. So if the parents are in the position when help is needed (whether financial or otherwise) you provide it. And if right now the help is needed in another direction, it is also provided.
the British take is that when a child is 18, all is done and that’s it. Now is the time to be independent from each other or take back.
That’s very transactional and just not how it works in warm familial relationships.

The children aren’t ‘owed’ anything though and if the parents want to use their own money in their own lives, they have that right and frankly the grabby attitude that’s prevalent on this kind of thread shows them to be right

Wow - quite an offensive generalisation.

Most families that I know do support each other. My parents help me and I help them.

The issue is the attitude on here that because parents are better off, they should give all their money to their adult children

But this is very much not the case of this thread. The parents helped.
Op got money towards deposit. Op is not struggling from the sound of it, she is just in same situation as most prople her age are in - will have mortgage for many years.
It's nothing spectacular.

Well most families have no choice but to support their kids at uni to the tune of at least £5k a year. Then quite a few of them boomerang back and live at home for quite a few years rent free. I don’t recognise the 18 and you’re out scenario from this generation. It’s a things of the past.

The problem is that with very entitled adult children like the OP, there's a suspicion that they won't in the future be "giving back" to the parents, materially or in terms of time, should they need it.

A friend of mine made the mistake of telling her daughter her house would be hers one day - meaning she'd inherit enough for a home. The daughter tried to step in when she decided to move out of London as the house was really 'hers' 😅

If they can afford a £780k house, they can afford cleaner and gardener.
I always think to expect any inheritance is somewhat distasteful, and I have always planned around never having any inheritance and avoided an attitude that expects it.
Their money, their choice, their retirement to enjoy.

literally no one said anything about “all your money”

quite offensive to just make things up

I don’t understand the argument. They helped once with a deposit, so?
Will the OP also help them once when they are older and will say “my job is done”?