Parents upsizing - AIBU

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Parents are retired in their 60s. They have a 4 bed detached in a nice area (not south). They sold recently for 680k. They’ve discussed all
sorts about where to move and at one point said they didn’t need the space but now saying they are actually going to upsize as they want more space and so are making an offer on a house 100k more (so 780k).

I know there will be posters saying awful things about me saying this and I do accept that. I know what I’m about to say sounds money grabbing. But… we have two dc and will struggle to pay off our mortgage for many many years despite being in reasonably paid jobs and working hard to progress. I guess it’s easy to say when it’s not actually the situation but I can’t imagine doing this instead of giving the extra 100k to my kids to help them with their homes when we’d paid off our mortgage and didn’t actually need the space in our current home!! Probably being unfair simply because it’s their money and their choice but I just can’t imagine doing that in their position!

Op I've not read the thread but I wonder if it's more an investment choice ? Putting that extra into bricks and morta

I think it's likely the OP lives a fairly comfortable lifestyle - but her parents live a lux lifestyle and she thinks that's just not fair - she should be able to afford lovely holidays and nice clothes, frequent meals out and she could if they would just pay off her mortgage. But even if they did that, she'd still want more of what they have - because that's they way she thinks - she could make better use of that money than they could - what do pensioners need with money after all - they are nearly dead anyway.
OP - when you reach 60 years old I hope for your sake you are still living a good life and are not half dead like you imagine your parents are.

OP, if your last surviving parent gets dementia and has the option of an awful state-run home or a reasonable private one, costing £100,000 a year, will you pay for the private home once she has burned through all her own money?

What AYRT means is that why don't those selfish boomers die already and leave us all their money.
They just like to dress it up as some kind of intergenerational justice shtick.
Greatest Generation parents often accumulated relatively much more due to huge 70s inflation but their heirs don't constantly fucking whine about it.

I worry every single month, especially as a lone parent. I still don't ever think my parents should spend less on their house and give me more of their money. It's theirs and I want them to enjoy it while they can.

At some point, OP's parents will also have been in that position. She says they've inherited - but that will have been relatively recently. She will also inherit one day and then she will have to worry less in retirement. That's how it goes (for anyone lucky enough to inherit anything).

And if they end up needing expensive care (most homes being around 2K a week) she'll be very glad they have got those properties to sell in order to fund it.

Oh nice one - wind the OP up even more. She seems so keen to get her hands on their money that I think the answer is obvious!

If you're taking care of their pension that's potentially quite a lot more disposable income they will have to hand if they're not 'giving up' 10-15% each month. Not much different to giving a generous sum of money.

@LoveSandbanks

correct. You forfeit the right to have anything for yourself the second you get pregnant. If you want things for yourself just continue to be childfree and selfish

Bizarre to upsize at that age to a house that will likely become too big and unmanageable as they age. I wouldn’t want the money myself, I’d rather they set it aside to pay for carers and household help etc in the future.

My parents did the same when my sister and I moved out of the house and started our own families. They sold the old semi and built their dream house in their dream location from scratch, actually in the same town. The house is double the size of the old house. Dad died a couple of years ago and mum is alone now worrying about the bill, esp. the heating bill. When I bring it up, she acts defensive.

What an amazing thing for your parents to do. Very impressed - how many people get to build their dream house.

But that’s okay because when you are in their position you can do exactly that. I’m sure you would want to choose what you would do with your own money though

Sad to see parents make choices to the detriment of their families in the future though. A very “I’m alright Jack” attitude.

Sad to see offspring putting their desire to take more money off their parents over the comfort of those parents

And given how some posters are talking about the older generation, it’s no wonder the parents are doing what is best for them - they clearly won’t have support from their adult children

Families or vultures circling, waiting to benefit from death.

There may be a good financial reason for upgrading their home. If they sell and move somewhere smaller after living in it for a while ( can’t remember the exact amount of time) they will not have to pay CGT on any profit they make.

If it's your main home you're not subject to CGT on any gain, though this may change in the future. I'm not sure there is any time limit though I'd imagine you need to actually live in it.

I’d give most families the benefit of the doubt that they aren’t money grabbing inheritance chasers but more concerned with potentially spiralling future issues and costs,eg. Stairs, safety, hiring carers, cleaners, gardeners, mobility aids etc for a massive house. Surely the parents are aware that this will be an expensive issue in the future, could well expect adult children to help and support them in old age, but won’t have helped them out in kind by making considerate and sensible choices in their later years.

It’s sad that parents of a certain age don’t understand that their children are struggling far more than they were at the same age. It’s a common issue among our circle of mid40s friends. Parents are free to spend their money how they like but I do think that our generation, having struggled harder to buy a home etc, will be more keen to help their children than boomer parents seem to be. No one is owed anyone else’s money though and I firmly believe that concern about inheritance is grubby and tacky. That said, it’s often a worry when adult children are expected to help the burden of ageing parents who haven’t been so considerate in return with their financial choices in their 60/70s.

Every generation has its challenges and if parents want to help the children out then great. But the grabby, entitled attitude of some of the posters on here is quite shocking.

Money does not guarantee you s choice of care home. It only guarantees you a choice if they have space in the care home of your choice.
We could not find a space in a care home for a self funding relative as they were all full. The relative ended up about 50 minute drive away because that was the only one that had the space and was able to care for their needs. It wasnt a particularly nice one at that. But they were being moved out of hospital because there wasn't a medical need for them to be in hospital.
Our situation is not unusual

It’s there money but I would not do this to my child so I don’t think you are been unreasonable. Also, an odd decision at their age unless they’ve been advised to do this for some financial reason??

The OPs parents are 60. They aren't quite ready for the scrap heap yet and probably have about 20 years before any of these become an issue.

The agesim on here is unreal. It's as if the minute a person hits 60, they should immediately sell their house, move to a tiny bungalow, freeing up cash for their offspring and wait until they become infirm.

I think op feels like she is inherently better than her parents, better educated, better jobs, better parents.... she feels entitled.