Parents upsizing - AIBU

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Parents are retired in their 60s. They have a 4 bed detached in a nice area (not south). They sold recently for 680k. They’ve discussed all
sorts about where to move and at one point said they didn’t need the space but now saying they are actually going to upsize as they want more space and so are making an offer on a house 100k more (so 780k).

I know there will be posters saying awful things about me saying this and I do accept that. I know what I’m about to say sounds money grabbing. But… we have two dc and will struggle to pay off our mortgage for many many years despite being in reasonably paid jobs and working hard to progress. I guess it’s easy to say when it’s not actually the situation but I can’t imagine doing this instead of giving the extra 100k to my kids to help them with their homes when we’d paid off our mortgage and didn’t actually need the space in our current home!! Probably being unfair simply because it’s their money and their choice but I just can’t imagine doing that in their position!

So presumably when your DC want to get a mortgage you’ll downsize and give them a massive deposit instead of enjoying the size house you want ?

Getting the timing right as to when you give away your assets and downsize is critical. I’m sure somebody’s mentioned the book die with nothing.
They’re really is a small window of opportunities to get this right and it’s super important for your mental well-being as financial planning
Can’t say I fancy moving house at 70

Something tells me that the very large inheritance that may or may not be headed in the OP's direction will ensure some level of helpfulness from her in her parents' old age. At least while they're lucid.
If the OP and her family were struggling - renting a tiny home, children at the very bad local school, working all hours in minimum wage jobs - I'd be a hell of a lot more sympathetic. But they are obviously doing well and are just jealous of people who are even better off than they are. You shouldn't see your parents as a meal ticket for life. And the constant threat of going no contact / not being there for your parents when they're older unless they shower you with money into middle age and then promise to leave you everything is horrible. The OP's parents have clearly done a lot for her already.

I don't think people have read the thread. The parents already have a big house where they live and 2 more in their portfolio. The OP just thinks thinks they shouldn't move to an even bigger house, not that they shouldn't live in a smaller house than the one they have now.

No talk of shoeboxes. They could probably both live for 20 years in a care home and not run out of funds.

I do not understand why some children seem to think that what is their parents' money is theirs too! My parents did everything for me, sent me to private school, we went on holiday every year, had nice food at home but they never gave me money, nor did I expect it. My father paid for a new car for me when I was 22 but I had to pay him back every month until the debt was repaid and I respected that.

But in 20 years time when these things do become an issue it’ll be too late to plan for these issues in advance, they’ll be imminent.
It’s not putting 60 year olds on the scrap heap, it’s planning ahead.
The idea of downsizing would be to ensure money is available for future medical needs, support etc. It’s all very well saying I don’t need that yet I’m 60 not 80 but if you spend the money when you’re 60 it might not be available when you’re 80. Or potentially become very unwell in your 70s. Do people really want the upheaval of downsizing and moving in their 80s?!

Probably because you had decent parents, many people don’t
And literally all they’ve ever done is pushed them out of their vaginas and leave them to it
In which case the very least they can do is leave them the money that was probably left to them by your grandparents
I understand that you can’t understand, and that’s okay. I’m happy for you.

You think OP’s parents who are buying an £800,000 house and own three other houses can’t afford to buy help if they need it 😂 and honestly they are 60 not 90, have you actually met any 60 year olds?? Many can walk, talk and don’t dribble.

A tiny bungalow is a bit excessive, we have already established on this thread that a grotty bedsit in a dodgy area or a Park home is more than sufficient for anyone 60 plus.

Did I say they were dribbling?
Just because they’re 60 now, does it not mean they should plan for their 70s and 80s and how their decisions may impact their future, and their children?

It’s their money and they seem very well off but it’s still short sighted and selfish to upsize now. It’s their choice but it’s a weird choice.

Also, bungalows are in short supply and very expensive, so it’s not actually a bad idea to invest in one before you need it and when you can afford it.

Do explain why it’s selfish for wealthy people to live in a house of their choosing? I’m all ears.

I doubt buying a £800k house makes much difference to a £700k house in terms of the impact on managing things in the future. Selfish my arse! It's their money - and they'll be a long time dead - better to spend it now and enjoy their retirement.
I doubt the OP will cut them off - she's intent on her inheritance, she could at least work for it.

Entitled much? This is their money, which they have worked for. You really should be embarrassed for posting this.

Funny how posters like you are so keen for people of 60 plus to plan for the future, maybe you should have taken your own advice and planned your life a bit better so you can actually afford the the life you have chosen and not expect your parents to fund your life decisions, just a thought.

Selfish how? It is zero to do with you, or the entitled daughter. Very, very odd attitude.

You're right, I have no idea what I was suggesting in thinking a bungalow!

My parents are 70 and live in a 4 bedroom detached house. I must make a note to go round there this week, demand why they need 3 bathrooms, what each room is used for before pointing them in the direction of a tiny property they neither want to or need to move to so that they can release some equity towards me so I can pay off my mortgage. Because clearly they are selfish otherwise...

Sorry OP but YABU. They’ve already given you £30k and you don’t feel like that’s enough. It’s not their responsibility to pay off your mortgage.

@senua ? Why would I mention that in the OP??

But sadly not better at budgeting to keep her own family.

I really don't get why people are being so down on you. Perfectly reasonable to expect families to take care of their own. And yes, at the age of nearly 60 I'm looking to sign the house over to my daughter who (despite working like a dog in a professional job) is unlikely to be able to afford to buy. We were lucky. We got to have an actual disposable income because the economy wasn't permanently in the toilet. Time to pay it forward like parents should.

it’s an extremely weird brutish take that no one owes each other anything and especially closest family members 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

i assume you are taking legal advice. My parents are in their seventies - two sets of friends had been sadly burned by signing assets over to adult children and giving big financial gifts then the child divorced half the assets went with the departing spouse!

I am single and my sister is married. I know my parents are extra cautious about singing assets away after watching their friends. One. Ex daughter in law was able to force the sale of an elderly relatives house that had been placed in their sons name to avoid inheritance tax!

No it’s the other way around. First the parents don’t want to support their children and don’t want to babysit their grandchildren because they want to “enjoy their retirement” and “no one owes anything to each other” and “people should stand on their own two feet” and then in turn their children don’t want to support them when they age. You reap what you sow.

I do find the grandparent and childcare thing strange. Our mothers are the first generation who were encouraged in great numbers to have a career - my mum worked until she was 60, my grandmother never worked.

Therefore our mothers were the first who actually had a retirement to look forward to. Then they were expected to spend their retirement looking after children! I can see why so many said no thank you. Men were never expected to carry that burden in their retirement to the same extent. I know some grandfathers who are celebrated for doing some school pick up once a week while grandmothers are demonized for putting up boundaries and not giving up two, three or more days a week to the exhausting demands of babies and toddlers: