Parents upsizing - AIBU

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Parents are retired in their 60s. They have a 4 bed detached in a nice area (not south). They sold recently for 680k. They’ve discussed all
sorts about where to move and at one point said they didn’t need the space but now saying they are actually going to upsize as they want more space and so are making an offer on a house 100k more (so 780k).

I know there will be posters saying awful things about me saying this and I do accept that. I know what I’m about to say sounds money grabbing. But… we have two dc and will struggle to pay off our mortgage for many many years despite being in reasonably paid jobs and working hard to progress. I guess it’s easy to say when it’s not actually the situation but I can’t imagine doing this instead of giving the extra 100k to my kids to help them with their homes when we’d paid off our mortgage and didn’t actually need the space in our current home!! Probably being unfair simply because it’s their money and their choice but I just can’t imagine doing that in their position!

Sorry but you're being totally unfair here.

Thing is, it is their money and choice.. are you an only child?

@Mooploop I know. Just seems crazy to me. Maybe I’d feel differently if I was in that situation

Maybe when you’re 60 you’ll think differently. People are allowed to live for themselves and not for the convenience of children and grandchildren.

Well one day you’ll probably inherit it. In the meantime you can look after your own family and kids.

@PoppinjayPolly not an only child but my one sibling married a very very wealthy man

This is mad. If your parents want to move house that's up to them.

Upsizing at their age is crazy. Who wants to maintain more house as they get older?

You're not coming off well by considering only the financial side.

@RhiWrites yes agree I might feel differently then. I can’t imagine it but it’s possible

YABU. They have perhaps another 20-30 years to live their lives and are free to enjoy that and spend their money how they wish. If you get an inheritance from them in due course will you skip a generation and pass it straight to your children?

@Happytaytos ive considered all of it, also the fact that I don’t think they can be that happy at the moment if they think doing this is going to change their life!

No, youre being massively unfair thinking this. Theyre only in their 60s! Youre saying you won't pay your mortgage off for many years, but thats how mortgages work.

@Followthesunshine not all but likely some. But to be fair to them they did help me and dp with a deposit

Is it £100k bigger or £100k nicer? If it’s the latter it probably will change their lives.

So, the “extra” money should only come to you?

@McSpoot no definitely not!

@BIossomtoes good point. Yes I’d say it’s nicer overall

Mine down sized from and sold for £1.4m and bought for £1.6m in their 70’s. I never expected them to give anything to us!

Sixty is no age and there’s no reason why they shouldn’t live how they want and live in a property they like at that age. In 20 years time maybe they’ll feel differently but some 60 year olds still have kids at home, full time jobs and agency to make their own choices. I can understand that you want more fir your family but I think that it is unfair to think that they have to accommodate your needs when they may be alive for another 39 plus years.

This is MNS, a lot of posters will be close to your parents age so will definitely say you are being unreasonable.

I agree with you, I would rather help my dc & gc than have additional space

I would feel the same as you, hoarding money while you are struggling is selfish imo. Yes it’s their money, yes it’s their choice, no you’re not entitled to anything. But if it were me, I would give as much as I could to my children to improve their lives. I couldn’t imagine having a spare £100k and it not even crossing my mind to help my children and instead suddenly deciding to upsize instead of downsize.

@OneTipsyDreamer yes I think this sums it up. Of course we are not entitled to it and of course it’s their money and their choice. But upsizing when your kids are not even close to being comfortable financially… I don’t think it would be my choice.

I also think 60s is the in the ballpark of when you should think about downsizing/having a home suitable for the impending years. Many leave it too late & then just can’t do it.

If you feel strongly that they owe you a better life, you might consider committing to take care of them until they die, in return for some money upfront. Then come back in twenty years and let us know how that’s working out for you.

OP I'm in a similar situation where my parents are considering upsizing (to have space for the grandkids to come stay, they say....) my mum made me look round a place with her just today.

My concern isn't that I need the money since I've always told them to leave it to the donkey sanctuary - it's that they're tying up a huge amount of their money (and it's liquid cash, since they're both 70 this year and wouldn't get a mortgage) AND paying a gigantic whack of stamp duty AND ongoing, they'll be paying a lot more in both council tax, bills, ground rent and charges because of the increased size.

In addition, they'd be having to do at least a bit of modernisation on the property they're considering (that's why it's cheap!!). The last time they did up a property was 2003, and it was a damn sight cheaper in those days - I don't think they have any idea how much more costly it is to have work done now. Just recarpeting costs a fortune and the size of the place they're looking at, it'll probably be £10k just to recarpet.

I worry it's a big mistake as they will suddenly need a lot more liquid cash than they currently do. They're also buying something that has stairs - they are in great shape today but at 70 they're of course only going in one direction, mobility-wise.